hiding things

Lexxi

No idea what to do OH is hiding things. Do I get lots of things for once, pull him every time or what? The way things are I think he has either some one or some lots. I have options but don't know which way to turn. Is there smoke without fire. Or am I a total crazy that is totally neurotic?
I know no one can answer all these but someone must have had a similar situation

faerie~spangles

Hiding things?

Lexxi

Credit card - didn't say he'd applied. Phone, never off it, never leaves it about, going out, im finding receipts for places - not saying he needs permission just thete's no mention from him. Receipts have debit card details not credit card, i've never bought anything on creddit card to know what receipt says. Doesn't work, says his mum gives him money but receipts say other wise like card not casg. Saw phone log, made me suspicious. My phone/email/fb gets checked but he makes it so I can't check his. There are so many things over a period if he said it was raining I think id check

coolcait

What do you mean?

Do you think that your husband is having an affair, or lots of affairs?

And your suspicions have something to do with him having credit cards that you don't know about?

And you're asking if you should sit down and ask him about everything that's worrying you, all at one time? Or if you should ask him about every individual concern, every time you come across something that worries you?

That's what I'm getting from your posts. But, I'll be honest, your posts are putting my powers of interpretation to a real test.

Or are you asking about something else entirely?

Emmzi

ask him.

you will either get an answer or not.

if not he is hiding something.

inspecting your FB is nuts anyway so I would be getting rid, but then I have a very low tolerance for any kind of asshattery.

thegirlintheattic

I'd stop him checking your FB immediately - your meant to have trust.

Sounds like an affair tbh - confront - if he can't explain or starts to turn it round to you, tell him where to go.

FBaby

That all looks very suspicious I certainly wouldn't accept a relationship with so much secrecy I would certainly be worried in your shoes and be confronting him starting with the credit card application if he is indeed not working...

kingfisherblue

I would be objecting to him checking my phone, email and FB (well, I don't have FB, but you know what I mean!) in the first place. It sounds as though he doesn't trust you, but maybe that's because he knows you shouldn't be trusting him!

Time for a frank talk I think!

ETA: my ex hid things from me and I became suspicious. It turned out that he was having an affair. He had also been squirreling away money, as I found out later. i don't know how much, but it left me and the kids in a very poor financial state until I was able to sort out benefits. If he doesn't work, presumably he is not contributing much to your household financially. Do you have a joint account? Have you checked your statements? If you think he might be having an affair (and I think that is what you are saying), then maybe you should be aware that he could clean out a joint account if he chooses to do so. You might think he won't - I used to think that of my ex. I thought we had trust after a 19 year relationship, 16 of those years married. I was wrong. You might want to open a separate account in your name only, transfer the DDs, and keep a minimal amount in the joint account.

Pollycat

Lots of questions from me but no answers:

How long have you been together?
Do you actually live together?

Is this 'hiding things' something new in your relationship or has he always done it?
Is his change in behaviour new? e.g. going out

Has he always used his phone a lot?
What did you see on his phone log that made you suspicious?

What 'places' are you finding receipts for?

Why doesn't he work?
Who pays all the bills (if you live together)?
How is he planning on paying a credit card bill?
How likely is it that his Mum does actually give him money? Even if he is putting spends on his c/c his Mum might be giving him money to pay the bill (and maybe his mobile bill too).

Why does he check your phone/FB?

TBH, I think both your posts are very vague and if you want people to advise you, you need to provide more detail.

Alikay

The term OH is a bit ambiguous: Is he just a boyfriend whom you have no permanent commitment to, or are you married/living together with kids and a mortgage?

If it's the former, just leave the relationship: He's clearly up to something...something you wouldn't be happy with going by the secrecy.

If your lives are more entangled, you need to have a better idea what you're dealing with. If he won't talk to you, a bit of detective work is needed IMO.

Dunroamin

If he has no job and still has plenty of money to go out, could he be dealing drugs?