hiding things

Jo84_2

I can completely relate to your situation. I was there myself last year.

I moved to london (200 miles away from all friends and family) to be with him and after a year I had a gut feeling that something was going on. He repeatedly lied to me and was very secretive and I started searching the flat whenever he was out for receipts and the like. I found out he was lying to me about quite a few things!

Well we talked and decided to give it another go (me thinking everything was out in the open).

Things settled down for a while but then my gut feeling was back and one night out of the blue, I find a little envelope of cocaine in his trousers!! He repeatedly lied to me about it, (didn't know how it got there etc) and decided I had to split. Moved back up north and have since found out his 'job' was actually selling drugs!

I would trust your gut instinct but do sit and have a chat with him and ask him to open up to you so you can start from scratch (although it sounds like your mind is more or less made up).

My only advice, if you leave without knowing any truths you will always think 'but what if he really was innocent' and 'did I make a mistake'. If u wait until you find something you can live knowing you made the right choice in leaving him!

Good luck to you and big hugs!

JoJo

Lexxi

My blood is going cold thinking about leaving. I feel angry, stressed thinking about staying

Jo84_2

It depends on whether you can carry on living with the mistrust?

Eventually it will get to you. But once you make the decision to leave, stick to it! Or he will think he has you wrapped around his little finger and can treat you however he wants and you won't leave.

JoJo

Jo84_2

Do you have a family member or friends house you can stay at for a few days?

If you explain you both need a few days apart to think about whether you can carry on the relationship due to lack of trust, maybe he'll realise he needs to get his act together.

Scrapaholic

Feeling for your situation as it must be awful for you . I hope you are able to get the truth even though it may be not what you want to hear . Could you live with your suspicions without doing anything about it and just continue living as you're doing now ? Some would and they'd just hope for the best . Best wishes whatever you choose to do .

Pollycat

Pollycat wrote: »

How long have you been together?
Do you actually live together?

Is this 'hiding things' something new in your relationship or has he always done it?

What 'places' are you finding receipts for?

Why doesn't he work?

Why does he check your phone/FB?

Lexxi
I asked a lot of questions yesterday and the above don't seem to have been answered.

You say you earn £1000 and pay 'everything you can afford' towards the bills (which are £1200) - where does the other money to run the household come from?

Why does he accuse you of cheating? It sounds like he started doing this then you started accusing him back - which sounds like childish game-playing.

It sounds to me like you don't talk to each other.
Do you really know him?

You seem to have lots of suspicion about what he might be doing, I do get the impression from your posts that there might be a fair bit more that you know that you haven't posted.

Are you thinking about leaving without talking to him about your suspicions?

Lexxi

Sorry, I thought I had answered the questions, I'm on my phone so its a bit difficult to go back and check replies.

The reciepts are for things like butchers, supermarkets and cafes. He isn't working so eating out for breakfast would be a big part of his day, why not mention it.
He accused me first of cheating, a few times throughout the relationship in the end I started doing it back to see how he liked it.
My mum has been giving me money for bills, I also had a bit to one side, not savings exactly but enough to bump up my wage to get through a month or two.

If I'm honest the hiding things has always happened but they always seemed insignificant so I didn't say anything, or things I couldn't do anything about.

There is a lot more, I can't post about it all yet though.

duchy

I think once you get that gut feeling -deep down you know. I've had it twice -and both times was 100 percent correct. The first time I acted on it straight away-the second I waited (I wondered if I was paranoid about the previous experience -and he was a very very good liar) until I had proof.

If you're not a jealous person normally then your gut is probably right. Sending you a hug xx

Make-it-3

So he's not working but takes himself off to cafes for breakfast or buys himself a nice steak to cook at home.

Yes he might be having an affair, but if the receipts aren't for restaurants, flowers, hotels etc (ie the obvious things associated with affairs) then it maybe him simply hiding the fact of how much he is taking the p.

Are you happy to put up with this man long term?

Pollycat

Again, why isn't he working?
Is he looking for work?

Have you spoken to him about your worries or suspicions?

I may be wrong but it sounds to me that you've decided he's cheating and are thinking of ending the relationship.

Unless there's lots of other things that you've not mentioned, I can't actually see that the evidence leads 100% to infidelity.

Personally, I wouldn't be prepared to put up with someone who isn't working without a damn good reason, is potentially running up debts behind my back by secretively taking out credit cards and is going out spending money on breakfasts in cafes and not telling me about it - but without more proof than you've said, I wouldn't be ending it because I suspected him of having an affair.

And why did he start accusing you of cheating?
Was this just something he threw at you during an argument or was there some basis in fact?

I've said this before - it really sounds like you both have serious communication issues.