Overheard cruel threats by neighbour to her child

pinkclouds

RacyRed wrote: »

Sorry to rant at you pinkclouds

No offence taken, I assure you. It's an emotive subject.

Personally, I find it sad that people don't seem to know their neighbours anymore and thus do not know if there's something tragic going on in their own street. When I read about child abuse/neglect stories in the news, I always wonder how on earth no one noticed for so many weeks, months, years. Is it so hard for people to say hello/good morning or have any level of interaction?

If the OP doesn't know the family and she is the first person to report a genuine issue, then those people are unknown to their neighbours, the general community/estate, nursery/school teachers and parents, the local GP, dentist, optician, hairdresser, the postie, the milkman, local post office, church, any playgroup or activity groups, etc. I mean... it's a pretty long list of potential people who could know them but don't. I wouldn't say I have a relationship with everyone that I could possibly know but I'm pretty sure that one of my immediate neighbours would notice if something was seriously wrong with my kids. I admit I live on a small street but I know the names and ages and schools of the young kids on my street. I also know what is typical behaviour for them and their parents and when to ignore the shouting.

Tbh, considering the suggested age of the oldest child - unless she is homeschooled - I would expect the first person to report the family would be her class teacher, not a neighbour who seems to be a relative stranger. Teachers take these types of concerns seriously and are typically obliged to report them to the appropriate authorities. Sometimes, a good teacher applying pressure to the council and the social workers is the only way to force help on to some types of parents. My MIL is a SEN teacher. Some of the kids she's worked with have pretty rotten lives.

System

As others have said, I agree you should report this to the NSPCC or Social Services. It's not your job to investigate the situation further, or try to find out if there's a real problem before reporting your concerns - that's exactly what the official organisations are there for, and if there's nothing going on they'll find that out. Far better to make a report and be mistaken than hold off and be mistaken. Also, please don't think that by reporting your concerns you're signing the piece of paper that takes the kids away from their mum - SS do everything they can to keep families together where possible, so if it turns out that the mum just needs support/parenting classes it's more likely that she'll get that than have her children taken away. On the other hand, if there is real abuse there, the authorities can't take appropriate action unless they know about it.

Person_one

pinkclouds wrote: »

If the OP doesn't know the family and she is the first person to report a genuine issue, then those people are unknown to their neighbours, the general community/estate, nursery/school teachers and parents, the local GP, dentist, optician, hairdresser, the postie, the milkman, local post office, church, any playgroup or activity groups, etc. I mean... it's a pretty long list of potential people who could know them but don't.

Why would you assume that?

Its entirely possible lots of people know them but have never seen the way she treats her child at home or decided not to report it, as you are advocating.

Hootie19

I work in Children's Services, and from the information the OP has provided, I'd say definitely contact either your local CS or the NSPCC.

However, if you go via the NSPCC (and of course request to remain anonymous - but do remember that sometimes the information you provide is enough to identify you, if not in person, then at least as a neighbour), please do give as much information as you possibly can, as to the names, ages, dates of birth, schools/nursery/playgroups attended.

We hate getting NSPCC referrals as there is generally so little information contained, that sometimes it is impossible to identify the child/ren and they slip through the net, even though some of the information provided about the concerns would definitely warrant an assessment.

We spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to correctly identify sssome families. The more information that can be provided the better, and the quicker the support services can be put in place.

I feel like a stuck record sometimes, but CS are solely concerned with the wellbeing and safety of the children. And this can often be helped by the parents being offered support themselves, to help them cope with challenging behaviour, or with support being put in place for their own issues. They are not in the business of breaking families up or taking children away. That sometimes is unavoidable, but on the whole, keeping families together, and happy, is the ultimate aim.

Please don't ever hesitate in contacting the relevant agencies if you have any concerns for children. They would rather have an unfounded allegation to investigate than have, god forbid, another BabyP on their hands.

cottonhead

Report it to social services - the family may well be known to them anyway. If the mum speaks to a young child that way goodness knows what she does behind closed doors. Its emotional abuse to deal with a child that way. The mum might have mental health problems or just be stressed and unable to cope with 3 kids. She might just need a bit of support from outside to get back on track but it better to facilitate that then let things carry on that way.

mygirllollypop

If I were you I would ring them, When I was alone with my eldest and really struggling to cope I wish someone had rung on my little girls behalf because I was so depressed and had no-one around to help that we just fell to peices.

I ended up ringing them myself and asking for help, to which they were no use, but bet if someone else had rung instead they would of been alot quicker to do something.

Luckily my counsellor did after I broke down during a session and it was the best thing that happened for me & her. I still feel guilty at how bad things got but we are moving on leaps and bounds since, They put us in touch with the local childrens centre and accessing that and the continued support really saved our lives.

I know people see SS as this awful people that just come and take your children but its not like that.

The Mum may just be really struggling and not know how to cope and it is really difficult to admit you need a little bit of help.

Astrocat2012

"This morning I have just witnessed the Mum shout at the eldest girl "I hate you!" & then hit her."

OP you saw this woman hit her child. That is assault and you must contact the police. You could do this anonymously if need be. The police will also submit a social work referral following any contact with this family. Both mum and the kids are clearly in need of help and this needs to be reported to the relevant authorities.

moodydonkey

OP Be braver than I was and call someone, my neighbour lost (rightly) her child and is now on remand for stabbing someone. Thankfully someone who witnessed more than I did was a good enough man to report her. In your mind you think well it isn't that bad, sometimes it is a lot worse.

MandM90

Just wondering if the OP rang anyone in the end?

Blue_Elephant

pinkclouds wrote: »

If the OP doesn't know the family and she is the first person to report a genuine issue, then those people are unknown to their neighbours, the general community/estate, nursery/school teachers and parents, the local GP, dentist, optician, hairdresser, the postie, the milkman, local post office, church, any playgroup or activity groups, etc. I mean... it's a pretty long list of potential people who could know them but don't. I wouldn't say I have a relationship with everyone that I could possibly know but I'm pretty sure that one of my immediate neighbours would notice if something was seriously wrong with my kids. I admit I live on a small street but I know the names and ages and schools of the young kids on my street. I also know what is typical behaviour for them and their parents and when to ignore the shouting.

Tbh, considering the suggested age of the oldest child - unless she is homeschooled - I would expect the first person to report the family would be her class teacher, not a neighbour who seems to be a relative stranger. Teachers take these types of concerns seriously and are typically obliged to report them to the appropriate authorities. Sometimes, a good teacher applying pressure to the council and the social workers is the only way to force help on to some types of parents. My MIL is a SEN teacher. Some of the kids she's worked with have pretty rotten lives.

emylou wrote: »

We have new neighbours & for the past few days we've heard lots of shouting & crying coming from their home.

The neighbour is a new one - therefore no one may have had time to get to know the family, the kids may not even be registered with dentists etc yet if they've just moved in. The teachers may not have got to know the kids yet and may even assume that the little girl is withdrawn as she's simply moved house and doesn't know anyone.

Who's to say that they haven't moved house because some "busy body curtain twitcher" actually said something?

Emotional abuse is so much harder to spot and is so much harder to pinpoint the line where it stops being sheer frustration and starts being abuse. That doesn't make it any less valid, and I agree with most here, report it. If it's nothing, you'll have embarrassed the mother for an afternoon. If it isn't, you'll have done some good for those kids.