Overheard cruel threats by neighbour to her child

Becles

Definitely ring SS or NSPCC.

Emotional abuse like that is just as damaging to children as physical abuse. It can damage their self esteem and cause problems in other areas of their lives. The mother needs help to resolve whatever issues are making her think it is ok to say horrible things like that to her child.

flowertotmum

rainbow81 wrote: »

My mother used to speak like that to me and my sister. It was non-stop for years and I still lack confidence and have trouble with relationships. I wish someone had called SS and got us some help.

Exactly..i would pray they would help me but no-one did.
ftm

pinkclouds

Personally, I would attempt to engineer a meeting with the new neighbours - or to find out about them from another neighbour, whom you already know and has already met them.

The bald facts as stated do sound alarming. However, I know there is no finesse to an internet forum post and you may not have the full picture. You haven't mentioned whether you believe the kids to be suffering and/or in danger. You've stated that *you* are suffering because the family distress you.

Act in haste, repent at leisure. Be very sure of your facts before you interfere. Surely at least one family in your street has had occasion to speak to this woman and interact with her children? I feel it is important that you act out of genuine interest and knowledge rather than, possibly, mere curtain-twitching. I mean... you are trying to be neighbourly, aren't you? Unless there's more to it, if you really want to help then I think you should try to be helpful before calling the social. Do you even know their names or the kids' real ages? Do you know anything about them, besides the occasional glimpse and noise irritations? Do you really think she won't figure out that a neighbour must have reported her? Are you certain you have overheard their conversations accurately?

Obviously, if you've held back on pertinent facts and believe the kids are in real danger then you should act at once, by whatever means appropriate.

Stefon

I am 66, been around the block a few times..and have not yet managed to let go of the mental abuse and physical neglect of a mentally ill mother. Gor5 gods sake do the right thing by the child, if you don;t speak up for her who will. Spare her a life time of the worse childhood memories..dont wait ...do it now..please, please..please.
Stefon

Hezzawithkids

Agree with the majority here - report it without further delay. If its innocent then there's no harm done, if its not then you're doing the best possible thing for the children. From what you've said I think any approach to the mother would be a complete waste of time and the fact you are hesitating is probably because you suspect would probably get a similar mouthful from her. If she does get a visit (lets hope so) it would ruin any anonymity you might be seeking. In the meantime keep a careful log of any further incidents.

funnythings

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] This e-mail i received gave me the information i needed to proceed with my report of a an abusive Mother.which i hope helps you.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]i have changed a couple details in the e-mail.[/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT]
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[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Dear E-mailer,

Thank you for your email to the NSPCC helpline on the ????, expressing concerns for the safety and wellbeing of a child.
The information you have provided in relation to what you have recently witnessed is very concerning and it is essential that the child wellbeing is safeguarded.

The NSPCC can make a request to Children’s Services for an assessment , to ensure that she is not at risk of harm and to offer the family support and guidance.

In order for the NSPCC to do this we would require as much as of the following information as you are able to provide.

· The full family address.
· The full names and dates of birth (or approximate ages) of the child.
· Details of the names and dates of birth (or approximate ages) of all other people living in the family home, including their relationship to the child.
· Ethnicity of all child and adults
· Details of the school and / or any day care attended by the child.

Understandably you may not know all this information; however, it would be of great assistance if you could forward as much detail as possible either by return email, by telephoning the NSPCC Help line on our 24 hour free phone number 0808 800 5000 or by text to 88858.

Alternatively you can report you concerns by completing a Help line Questionnaire via the NSPCC website, which can be found on the following link:

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/Applications/Forms/HelplineConcern/the-helpline-online-form.aspx


If you ever have immediate concerns for a child please dial 999 and ask for the police.

Regards
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humantraffic

might be a just a family argument (I've had plently with my family) not knowing the full facts.... might be a need for NSPCC giving its young children involved. It might of been said in anger. unless its a VERY regular occurance

Racheldevon

I work within this field. The behaviour appears to be emotionally abusive based on the examples you have given, and would be taken seriously by your local children's services team. They are in a position to carry out an assessment of the family's needs to ensure the children are safeguarded - emotional abuse is just as harmful as any of the other types, but typically goes on for much longer without intervention and support. The family may already been known to local services, but in either case, support can be put in place either via children's services or other relevant agencies to ensure the children are safeguarded. Please contact them to share your concerns.

RacyRed

pinkclouds wrote: »

Personally, I would attempt to engineering a meeting with the new neighbours - or to find out about them from another neighbour, whom you already know and has already met them.

The bald facts as stated do sound alarming. However, I know there is no finesse to an internet forum post and you may not have the full picture. You haven't mentioned whether you believe the kids to be suffering and/or in danger. You've stated that *you* are suffering because the family distress you.

Act in haste, repent at leisure. Be very sure of your facts before you interfere. Surely at least one family in your street has had occasion to speak to this woman and interact with her children? I feel it is important that you act out of genuine interest and knowledge rather than, possibly, mere curtain-twitching. I mean... you are trying to be neighbourly, aren't you? Unless there's more to it, if you really want to help then I think you should try to be helpful before calling the social. Do you even know their names or the kids' real ages? Do you know anything about them, besides the occasional glimpse and noise irritations? Do you really think she won't figure out that a neighbour must have reported her? Are you certain you have overheard their conversations accurately?

Obviously, if you've held back on pertinent facts and believe the kids are in real danger then you should act at once, by whatever means appropriate.

Pertinent facts? Jeez! I'd guess that you have never come face to face with real child abuse. Never had that ice cold chill run down your spine when every nerve ending screams at you that what you are hearing/seeing is very, very wrong. Never tossed and turned all night because you don't want to shop someone but you know you might be that child's only hope. Never looked into the eyes of an abused child and seen the raw pain and hopelessness there.

Yes. Child abuse makes the neighbours very uncomfortable. In my case (a long time ago, before there were dedicated numbers and organisations) I did make the call and had the misfortune to have a lot of the sort of stuff you have just said thrown at me. In effect I was told I didn't know what I was talking about and to mind my own business. One year later a toddler was dead in its cot and her older sister was found to have been suffering long term abuse from her father.

Parents often shout at their kids, of course, and most of us hear that and don't give it a second thought. But please have some respect for people who's instincts tell them that what they are witnessing is, for want of a better word, "evil".

Sorry to rant at you pinkclouds but your post lit the blue touch paper of the guilt I still feel decades later for not doing more for those children. I made the call but it wasn't enough. I didn't have any "evidence" when I made the call and I have never been more devastated to be proved right about something.

OP, please make that call if your gut instinct is telling you to.

Four_leaf_clover_2

If you were that little girl, being spoken to and treated like that by your mum, what would you hope any adult would do to help?

I would definately report it. Let the professionals who can offer help and support contact the mum and address the situation. Approaching her yourself is unlikely to end well imo.