Worried About The Future...

Popperwell

Queries wrote: »

Dear Popperwell

Look after yourself, dear, it would have been what your mum would have wanted. My positive thoughts are with you - grief and what ifs are normal, take care of yourself, look after yourself, and grieve in your own time - stay well!

Thank you Queries...I'm trying to and boy do I miss her...when I sleep or walk around the supermarket(there's not much else to do here)just briefly everything seems as it was but when you wake or come home, turn the key in the lock...it's so quiet.

Thankfully, I don't seem to be that depressed but am ready to seek out help as it may suddenly happen. A few weeks ago two songs that we both liked came on the radio as I was going through the stations, coincidence? Or Mum saying everything is ok? I don't know, it was just strange(Peggy Lee-"The Folks Who Live On The Hill" and Jim Reeves-"I Love You Because" Why those two together without a dj between either of them? Why did I choose to surf the radio stations at that moment?

I found that they did not upset me and probably brought me comfort...

But things will never be the same again...I was fortunate that Mum was here as long as she was(Of course I question if I missed something in Mum's care but I think that's natural...)

I have been told I could not have done any more than I did and I must not beat myself up.

paddedjohn wrote: »

OP, dont worry about the benefits for now because untill probate is sorted and the cash is transferred over to you then you are not over any limits. Also wanted to mention that the council may be able to let you transfer to a smaller property, maybe a flat would be better for you if your sight is restricted.

Padded John,
I hope that I can stay put in my home...a smaller proerty might save me some Communitity Charge but rentwise very little...A houwse in a neighbouring town(two bedrooms)is only £10 a week cheaper and all rents continue to rise as does the Community Charge...I like the area and I have been here over 50 years and it makes it easier for me living very close to the shops...

If the Co-operative legal service do Mum's money even though the will is straightforward, they say they will charge nearly £3,000 to do it but it could take 6-9 months to get sorted(I assume during that time I get my benefits which will allow me to save a little(everyone does, even if they are not supposed to)and to buy items I know I need for the future but will then have to last me years and years because I may not be able to afford to buy them again...

If I use my own forms I can do Mum's probate for approx £100-£150 and the forms say that I can wait upto 24 months(better fo me)but will the DWP say that I am deliberately avoiding taking Mum's money so I get my benefits? If I wasn't getting help, the delay in obtaining Mum's money probably wouldn't matter...

I tried to get help from the CAB but the last time I went to ask about probate and my delaying applying for Mum's savings the advisor admitted it wasn't her specialist subject, even though they promised who was sent over would know of such things...

I go to see the CAB again in June but have to wait because of the cutbacks to the service but they promise this time the advisor will know the answers to my questions...

I am not saying the Co-op exactly told me lies but I have found some things since that do not quite add up wuith what I was told...

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Just wanted to send hugs and say please try not to worry, it's scary being alone I know, but you do get through. You have friends on here too.

Thank you Blackpool Saver,

It is scary but mainly not trying to come to terms so much with the loss of Mum but those who woirry you ahbout keeping a roof over your head and whether you will still be helped financially, If I do Mum's probate there will be approx £17,000 in savings but they'll charge me approx £100 a week rent initially, with 25% discount on the Community Charge approx £1,010 annually so over the year that's approx £6,210(?)and obviously I still have to pay for food and utility bills(I'm trying to find a cheap deal on duel fuel)it's not going to take long for Mum's money to reduce...

Also this means that I lose Housing benefit and Income support for a while but hopefully I will still receive DLA. But again, I worry that will change when I have an assesment again and we know DLA is being replaced next year with another benfit that is 20% less and the critera for receiving it is being changed.

I only have a DAB Radio, a computer, a TV. I switch everything off as soon as I am finished(It's become an obession to do so)I only use the washer occasionally. I have one energy saving light that I use for safety on the landing that shines into all the bedrooms and the toilet/bathroom, the landing, the stairs and the hall(I try to avoid putting the main oven on or do meals that take ages to cook)I now use a microwave and/or a microwave combi. I have just purchased a halogen oven(they say you can cook a full chicken in 40 minutes)and uses less up to 50% less electric...

And yet I am still using 5 units of electric daily and I think that works out still at £10 per week. And I only put the gas heating on perhaps 2 hours when it's not warm and that uses approx 2 units of gas daily and that come in around £7 weekly. If I don't put it on it still uses 1 unit for the pilot light.

I feel as though I have stepped back 50-60 years.

To try and stay warm I now wear jumpers from a charity shop, thermal underwear(even Long John's)pyjamas, dressing gown. I fill flasks with water to try and avoid boiling the kettle too often.

I try to eat less or eat cold meals(I have now started to store long life food(cans, packets etc...)to try and avoid having to buy too regularly, filled the fridge/freezer as much as I can and the cupboards with soup and similar items...I'm trying to get more than one meal out of what I eat and portion it out so it lasts longer. And I bought just about every low cost item on sale in Tesco's as their "Every day range!"

Oh and I paid my TV license up front and the telephone line rental up front and got a reduction on BT prices of £3.50 and 6 months free Broadband and then it's £11.49 per month for the last six months so I have Broadband, telephone and tv for approx 90p a day and I can switch to a lower priced package without penalty.

I'll worry about if I can afford it next year but at least I am not looking at four walls all the time and just listening to a radio...

I cannot get inetersted in watching the TV at all...my computer and the radio is just about keeping me sane...

I'm trying not to worry about the future but it is difficult not to...

Don't know if any of you can offer any advice or any ideas that will stop me worrying un-neccessarily...

I want to just think about Mum and getting through my grief...

Popperwell

Oh and I have the crematorium cahsing me to have Mum's ashes scattered but I understood that can be done after a few months even and when I am more ready to...

Also if I have Mum mentuioned in the Book Of Rememerance they want to charge between £300-£500.

The local vicar said she can put it in a book in the church close to wear I live for free or she might've said £100 which is better and it's easier for me to get to see...as someone said who is going to see it at the crem?

In approx 2 weeks the local church is doing a memorail service for people who have recently passed away and for the relatives to attens where music will be played, the names of loved one's mentioned and candles are lit, refreshments are available afterwards...

That may be difficult but it might give closure...

This Wednesday may be a bit difficult too as it will be my first Birthday without Mum and no one will be sending me a Birthday card...

Oh well...

Popperwell

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Although this is often quoted (on government sites too) when I telephoned the Probate Office I was told that this is not always the case. I believe if everything is straight forward then probate is not always needed. However, if a institution (like a bank for instance)asks for probate then it is required.

The Probate Office is extremely helpful so please give them a call.

The bank asked for probate, the will is straight forward and the few people I have managed to take this up with do wonder why we're having to go through all this...Then again if it takes ages to sort out that could be better for me...

whitewing

Popperwell,

I am going card shopping tomorrow so if you would like to pm me your address, or the address of your local church and the vicar's name (and you warn the vicar), I will gladly get you a birthday card from mse.

Popperwell

whitewing wrote: »

Popperwell,

I am going card shopping tomorrow so if you would like to pm me your address, or the address of your local church and the vicar's name (and you warn the vicar), I will gladly get you a birthday card from mse.

Whitewing,
I don't like to put you to that trouble...that is so kind and thoughtful of you(I sound very sorry for myself don't I?)

I know I call myself Popperwell here but you can call me Anthony... :heart2:

Popperwell

Wishing me Birthday greetings on here is more than enough...

whitewing

Anthony,

It is no trouble at all (I do Royal Mail surveys so I won't even have to pay for the stamp).

Popperwell

You know I haven't eaten yet...I think that I better do something about that... I don't want to make myself ill...

jackieb

Hi Popperwell. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. I lost my Dad last month too. It's just cr*p isn't it? (excuse my language , but it is!)

I was just wondering, our council have financial incentives for people moving to smaller properties. Do you think your one would do that?

Popperwell

jackieb wrote: »

Hi Popperwell. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. I lost my Dad last month too. It's just cr*p isn't it? (excuse my language , but it is!)

I was just wondering, our council have financial incentives for people moving to smaller properties. Do you think your one would do that?

Oh it is everything that you say and more Jackieb, and not a thing we can do to change things. I'd have said the same even if we had not been sharing the same house and if I'd lost Mum sooner(but nearly 55 years probably makes the loss seem even worse)because she was the one constant in my life.

There are very few smaller properties in my area and there is always the threat that I could be told to move to the other side of town(making taxis more expensive)and moving me away from the shops etc...even to another town...

In my area all councils were disolved and housing stock transferred/sold to kind of Hosuing Association/charity so it's difficult to know what would happen. If I could have a year or two to make a decision that is not rushed it would help a lot. I am not being allowed to grieve in my own way or the time that I need.

In time, I may see the point of living and doing what we have to day to day but at the minute it is hard to see what it's all about.

That's not what Mum would like to see me behaving like and I hope that I am strong and that I will cope...