Worried About The Future...

bitsandpieces

I'd suggest you make an appointment to speak to someone at CAB, or a similar organisation, as you're obviously worried about things. Most of the decisions you mention are important, but not at all urgent. You've got around £15,000 in the bank - you're not going to starve or freeze any time in the immediate future.

You've just lost your mum - even if you ultimately do choose to move house and so forth, and need to do things to reorganise your finances, there's no need to panic and try to do things in a rush.

SandraScarlett

I don't think anyone with a heart could fail to be moved by your posts, and I wish I could give you a motherly hug, and help you. First of all you sound like you have been a wonderful son, and you have nothing whatsoever to reproach yourself for.

You've got a rotten lousy time ahead of you until the funeral, and I think you should just concentrate on that for the moment. Just take one step at a time, and rest assured, you'll cope, because you have to.

I'm sure someone with knowledge will step in with definite advice, but I thought the estate only went to Probate if a will wasn't made. In any case, as long as there are no other beneficiaries, I wouldn't rush to shell out several thousand pounds on a solicitor, if this is something you could do yourself, with help, perhaps from the CAB.

You are entitled to have a life, and not just exist, so please try to eat, keep warm, watch the tv and carry on with whatever hobbies you have. Regarding having to pay extra for having more rooms than you need, I'd cross that bridge when you come to it.

It sounds like you and your Mum had a brilliant relationship, and you were everything to each other, so it's no wonder you feel like you're in the ocean without a life jacket. Take care, and I wish you all the best for the future, and I hope the funeral goes smoothly. Don't try and hold your emotions in, cos God made tears to wash away sorrow. Good luck.

xx

[Deleted User]

I don't understand why DLA is your only income? Why did your income support stop?
I'm sorry for your loss xxx

YesWillMan

Do the Probate application yourself. If there is just one bank account then it is very simple to complete although the Solicitors would probably tell you otherwise. If you want help then I am sure I or others on here can help you complete the relevant forms. The Probate Office themselves are usually very helpful in this regard also.

The bank should offer, or you can ask them in say case, that they pay for the funeral direct from your mums bank account. Then once paid you can ask the bank for a statement showing the new balance which you can then use when making your applications for benefits etc.

You could decrease these monies further once Probate is obtained by paying your mums debts and even buying a Funeral Plan or paying towards one.

hunters

From what you say you have an appt with CAB on Monday 8th so gather up all your paper work and take it with you. Cancel the solicitor appt and really stop listening to friends who probably don't really know what they are talking about.

Popperwell

bitsandpieces wrote: »

I'd suggest you make an appointment to speak to someone at CAB, or a similar organisation, as you're obviously worried about things. Most of the decisions you mention are important, but not at all urgent. You've got around £15,000 in the bank - you're not going to starve or freeze any time in the immediate future.

You've just lost your mum - even if you ultimately do choose to move house and so forth, and need to do things to reorganise your finances, there's no need to panic and try to do things in a rush.

You talk much sense and I will try to take on board what you are saying. I have more dear friends on the internet than I have in my life around me. Its a pity that we all live so far away from each other and cannot talk face to face.

Popperwell

SandraScarlett wrote: »

I don't think anyone with a heart could fail to be moved by your posts, and I wish I could give you a motherly hug, and help you. First of all you sound like you have been a wonderful son, and you have nothing whatsoever to reproach yourself for.

You've got a rotten lousy time ahead of you until the funeral, and I think you should just concentrate on that for the moment. Just take one step at a time, and rest assured, you'll cope, because you have to.

I'm sure someone with knowledge will step in with definite advice, but I thought the estate only went to Probate if a will wasn't made. In any case, as long as there are no other beneficiaries, I wouldn't rush to shell out several thousand pounds on a solicitor, if this is something you could do yourself, with help, perhaps from the CAB.

You are entitled to have a life, and not just exist, so please try to eat, keep warm, watch the tv and carry on with whatever hobbies you have. Regarding having to pay extra for having more rooms than you need, I'd cross that bridge when you come to it.

It sounds like you and your Mum had a brilliant relationship, and you were everything to each other, so it's no wonder you feel like you're in the ocean without a life jacket. Take care, and I wish you all the best for the future, and I hope the funeral goes smoothly. Don't try and hold your emotions in, cos God made tears to wash away sorrow. Good luck.

xx

I'll take that virtual hug. We did have a wonderful relationship and that probably makes it harder to come to terms with though it does mean that I hope one day I can say I did all that I could and could not have done more...

I decided to see Mum in The Chapel Of Rest and she looked more herself(If you don't count the mouth area)but they had managed to close it. She looked more Human and as I remember her...my Sleeping Beauty.

They had put Mum's make up on pretty well, her nail varnish, placed my Mother's Day Card and the carrier with the little bear in the coffin and Mum's lovely outfit was on. I had said that I would make a note of the pattern, its navy blue background and delicate flowers on the two piece suit and a white collar and cuffs.

I was able to reach over and kiss Mum's Forehead and put my hand on Mum's hand. I talked to her(though she's not there)and told Mum what she meant to me and I sang a little of that song "I'll See You In My Dreams" I was told that I can see Mum any time I wish and that she is in that room until Friday. I think I was with Mum approx 10 minutes. I might go and see her again or decide to make yesterday do. I cannot change anything.

Mum is at peace.

At 5pm this evening I was with the vicar and I was still there at 6.40pm She asked me lots of questions which I assume she'll weave into a kind of life story of Mum and I think she will mention Mum's sisters and remaining brothers, Mum's friends and Mum's carer but keep the rest of the congregation in general terms.

I understand they will only play some of Doris Day's Que Sera Que Sera(Mum started to sing that when she saw I was down and worrying about her and the carer who called at the house remembers Mum singing it too)as we go into the service, Joe Brown's I'll See You In My Dreams as we leave(I sang that to Mum during the week before she passed away)and What A Friend We Have In Jesus and Can't Help Falling In Love With You (Always one of Mum's favourite songs...I'll always associate it with Mum)during the service.

Sadly, my worries are less about my dear Mum and what happens with my future.

And I don't want to think about that...But I am having to. I hope I have a little time to grieve before I really have to think about my future.

Popperwell

Deleted_User wrote: »

I don't understand why DLA is your only income? Why did your income support stop?
I'm sorry for your loss xxx

I think that you only get Income Support if you have around £6,000 or less in savings? I might still be entitled whilst Mum's money is limbo? But in theory when you have £16,000 in savings it affects the help you are given and Mum's money has affected matters and I will only be helped as Mum's capital reduces...but until probate is sorted I cannot even touch her savings other than trying to free £3,000 to pay for the funeral. Community charge and rent will soon reduce those savings.

THis house is a in band B regarding the community charge and the rent is £100 a week so the money will soon reduce.

I sometimes wonder with the way you get hammered for such a small sum why anyone bothers to save in a bank. I mean even in the bank the interest earned is so small. And then when something like this happens they try to get every last penny out of you.

The threshold should be raised for everybody so that could help people more and they would not end up dependent on the state.

Popperwell

YesWillMan wrote: »

Do the Probate application yourself. If there is just one bank account then it is very simple to complete although the Solicitors would probably tell you otherwise. If you want help then I am sure I or others on here can help you complete the relevant forms. The Probate Office themselves are usually very helpful in this regard also.

The bank should offer, or you can ask them in say case, that they pay for the funeral direct from your mums bank account. Then once paid you can ask the bank for a statement showing the new balance which you can then use when making your applications for benefits etc.

You could decrease these monies further once Probate is obtained by paying your mums debts and even buying a Funeral Plan or paying towards one.

I don't think we have any debts other than the funeral and if I remain single and because of a lack of friends/relatives I think I'll let the authorities dispose of me and do what they wish(I won't be there anymore)

I have just realised my will is no longer any good as everything that was mine was Mum's and vice versa. I would have to look for someone to become my executor and at present I am unsure who to give that job to or who would want to take that over.

Perhaps the solicitor who draws up the new will can do that. Again, if I am not bothered about own my funeral, the authorities might do it?

Popperwell

hunters wrote: »

From what you say you have an appt with CAB on Monday 8th so gather up all your paper work and take it with you. Cancel the solicitor appt and really stop listening to friends who probably don't really know what they are talking about.

I'll do that now...