At wits end with daughter

BitterAndTwisted

A diagnosis of dyslexia can be very disappointing and scary for parents but that's not the whole story. I suspect your daughter may have picked up on your own feelings and fears about this and it is colouring her whole world-view.

There are a multitude of facilities and talents a person may have and not all of them need to involve being able to read and write well. Or at all, really. You should keep emphasising that so perhaps both you and your child will accept it and believe it. Because it's true.

Every time she comes out with some negative comment about herself you list all of the things that are positive about her character and her abilities and enumerate those things she she really can do well. I'm sure their are loads of them

Mojisola

Loads of good stuff worth reading here - https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/about-dyslexia/parents/books-on-dyslexia.html

Also worth checking that your daughter's hearing and eyesight are okay because those can make dyslexia problems worse.

My son uses a particular shade of red in his reading glasses which stop the words jumping around the place. Not all dyslexics are helped by coloured glasses but, for those who are, it can make reading much easier.

ithinkyourcrazy

I was diagnosed with dyslexia aged 10. I am currently finishing my English degree, despite being told at school that I would never get the grades to go to uni.
I also suffer from low self-esteem and confidence and that was never addressed with me as a child. So it is good that you are being proactive with your DD.
Re the drama group something like that would have scared me to death when I was little. But I loved browines and guides.
Also when I was diagnosed I was the only person in my school classed as 'dyslexic" as I moved on to secondary school, college and university I was quite shocked at how many people there were in the same boat as me!
Good luck to you and your DD.

sunshine2223

There's a lot of very good advice in this thread so I won't repeat the same suggestions.

I just wanted to touch on what might be causing her anger issues. I'm dyslexic, and I know that when I get upset or unhappy I find it even more difficult than normal to put into words what I'm feeling and why. It's very frustrating! I want to explain but I'm just incapable of grasping the words to describe what's going on in my head.

As a result, I tend to bottle up my problems or summarise them into one big "life's so unfair!" type comment. I know it's very frustrating for my partner and family also, when they can see I'm upset or angry but don't know why or how they can help.

So please bear in mind that she may just be finding it impossible to express herself verbally. Allowing her some freedom to be creative could potentially help, something like giving her a big canvas and some paints to go wild with (in the garden, not in the middle of the living room ) or baking cakes or biscuits where she can have creative control of extra ingredients or decoration.

I'd also recommend watching the BBC documentary Don't Call Me Stupid with Kara Tointon as it gives a really good insight into the dyslexic mind and potential coping strategies. It's on Youtube

lessonlearned

My son (now 25) is also dyslexic, and also slightly dispraxic.

We took him for a private assessment where they also did a whole range of tests and exercises where it was noticed that he also had short term memory issues and a lack of organisational skills.

They also gave him an IQ test - he was off the charts, which is why the school didn't realise what was wrong, he was highly intelligent and had become adept at hiding his difficulties, often relying on his memory to bluff his way through. .

He struggled at school, basically because he was a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. He was quirky and different from the crowd and whilst that is a good thing for adults it can be difficult for children who just want to fit in and be like everyone else.

Once we knew what the issues were we were able to support him and guide him, help him to get organised and put in coping strategies, showing him how to run a diary, keep a to do list etc.

He hated clubs, was not a "joiner" and was generally miserable if anyone tried to get him to participate in any group activities.

We let him choose his own interests and activities - he settled on photography and music. He had guitar lessons and became the coolest guy in his class. He went on to do a degree, is still a keen photographer and even has a lovely girlfriend. :rotfl:

Let your little one set the pace, don't force her into any extra curricular activities or sports she doesn't want to do. She will find her own niche if given the opportunity. Coping with dyslexia at school is very taxing, she is still very young and she may find them too tiring.

Try not to get frustrated if she seems very forgetful and unable to follow simple instructions, my DS2 was always forgetting school books, PE equipment etc. and needed a lot of help in getting organised.

Just give her plenty of support and encouragement and she'll be fine. When she gets down give her examples of "famous dyslexics" who have gone on to achieve greatness. Albert Einstein, Richard Branson etc - there are loads of them.

Mojisola

lessonlearned wrote: »

They also gave him an IQ test - he was off the charts, which is why the school didn't realise what was wrong, he was highly intelligent and had become adept at hiding his difficulties, often relying on his memory to bluff his way through.

Let your little one set the pace, don't force her into any extra curricular activities or sports she doesn't want to do. She will find her own niche if given the opportunity. Coping with dyslexia at school is very taxing, she is still very young and she may find them too tiring.

My son's school hadn't been very supportive. After they finally involved the Ed Psych who did an IQ test the Headteacher apologised - my son was also off the chart for his age. The school had him in the slow-learners group!

If you think along the lines of a dyslexic having to work twice as hard to produce half the amount of work, you'll know how tiring it can be when you're dyslexic.

There are lots of good role models out there for dyslexics but many of them are more imaginative and unconventional than the average child. Give your dyslexic daughter the space and freedom to be truly herself.

lessonlearned

Hi I just googled "Famous Dyslexics" - I was stunned at just how many there are.

I'm sure you will find loads of role models for your daughter and lots of inspiration.

sooty&sweep

Hi

My son hasn't been formally diagnosed as dyslexic but has been identified as having specific learning difficulties with dyslexic tendancies.
He did / does suffer from self confidence / self esteem issues which isn't surprising for any child who is bright and understands whatever is being discussed but is frustrated because they have difficulty reading and writing about the subject. They're not daft and they see that the work they're producing isn't to the same standard as their peers and they take that to mean that they are "thick" rather than they have a particular problem.
However I think the fact that the learning difficulties were identified made a big difference for him because it mean't the school recognised that he had problems handling certain reading / literacy tasks and have put in place support to help rather than treating him as if he didn't understand the subject or he was being lazy.
He's doing his SATs in a couple of weeks and he's getting extra time in all his exams and a scribe in literacy.
However it has taken a long time for my son to come to terms with it all.
May be some support from a psychologist would be useful for your daughter ? The school can refer her to an Educational Psychologist if the issues are purely around her education but a GP referal is necessary for a referal to a Clinical Psychologist.

Jen

pmlindyloo

I am wondering whether some specialist tuition may be helpful.

The Dyslexia Institute (see here:) http://www.dyslexiaaction.org.uk/Pages/Display.aspx?IDPost=02caef7b-d9da-42bf-8209-65f6c4483fd5

will probably be able to help with people who are trained in this field.

I know you are pleased with the support/help your daughter's school is giving but an hour's one to one tuition will help to build your daughter's confidence and self esteem as well as exploring strategies to assist her in her learning.

Of course your daughter would need to be keen to do this but before you approach her try and find out if there is specialist tuition in your area by visiting the link.

jellyhead

Hi,

My children aren't dyslexic but are probably dyspraxic, and they seem to have similar self esteem and anger issues as my stepbrother who is a dyslexic adult.

Because they both feel 'stupid' in school I too wanted them to feel a sense of achievement in something outside of school, but it has to be something they enjoy doing. My youngest likes gymnastics where he can stay at the same stage for ages - it doesn't bother him that everyone else progresses faster than he does, but my eldest always wanted to be with his cousins, so it didn't work because they always progressed faster than he did in gym, swimming, etc.

Eldest liked ju jitsu because he could stand on his own at the back, but he started to hate it when the contact with others increased. Eventually he settled into guitar lessons at the college and he loves it - perhaps because it's a guitar club and they don't get graded on it?

Is there something else that your daughter might enjoy more, something with less group activity and perhaps without any exams? Our local college runs 'junior college' for under 16's on a saturday morning, with lessons in cookery, guitar playing, art etc but it's just for fun and there's no pass or fail.

Or what about a youth club at a church instead of brownies which has badges to pass or fail?

Or would she like to join in something where there are boys instead? Boys don't pick on others in the same way that girls do, so they are easier to be around if you feel 'stupid'. Personally I have never really worked out how to be friends with females, and much prefer the company of males.

Good luck with it. Hopefully as she gets used to her diagnosis she may start to feel less 'different' now that she knows there's a reason why ?