At wits end with daughter

averagemummy

My daughter has this term been confirmed as dyslexic however the school has suspected this for a couple of years and have been teaching accordingly. I don't have any problem with the school, they have been great support so far.

Daughter has suffered with low esteem and confidence for the past couple of years, she always compares herself to other children and finds herself wanting. She also seems to be very angry all the time (at herself quite often) and this is difficult for other kids to deal with so I don't think she has any close friends.

She seems to be to be depressed - the things she comes out with are classic depression type things. She says "her whole world is a disaster" and it's all her doing etc.

Her home environment is very positive, there is me, OH and a 2 year daughter as well and until recently eldest got on very well with the toddler. Now she seems to get a bit jealous of her if I pick up toddler.

Her teacher at school is also very positive, she gave daughter a good school report and said that daughter was progressing well, for her, and she was very pleased with daughter.

OH has just got a new job - but he will be staying away at least 3 nights a week which is worrying me as it will then just be me trying to cope with this. I also work full time.

I don't know what else to try. I've booked an appointment with a Dr on Monday but I'm not sure what to hope for - certainly don't want any drugs etc of any sort . Would like daughter to be able to talk to someone or get some help I guess

Kynthia

I don't have children or experience of dyslexia but I know that achieving things and accomplishing goals builds confidence. Does your daugher have other interests and activities outside of school where she can do well?

Brownies is great for building confidence in girls as they learn new skills and get badges for them. Maybe she could take up a sport, learn an instrument, join a marshal arts class, etc. I think anything where she has non-school goals and achieves them would be good.

averagemummy

Thank you for your comment. She goes to brownies but sometimes it's a struggle to get her there. She often doesn't seem to click with other girls and gets isolated. She says the other girls take it all far too seriously and pick her for being different.

She goes to swimming lessons, and is doing well at those. When her school class were doing swimming last term she perked up a bit as she was one of the best swimmers in her school class.

She also goes to a drama/dance club on a Sunday afternoon, but it's turning into a battle to get her there. She says the other kids pick on her for getting stuff wrong and she just feels stupid.

OH is very keen for her to carry on with her clubs, especially the drama / dance club. He says she needs to feel good at something. I agree with this sentiment but daughter is often crying on the way to drama club.

averagemummy

should also point out that OH is also dyslexic so often I think he knows more than me how she feels and I go with what he feels.

averagemummy

I am sorry to have offended you. I am trying to help my seven year daughter cope with being dyslexic, trying to make it a positive thing rather than a negative. I am trying to cope with her crying every night saying she is stupid etc etc and trying to boost her confidence. I have seasrched all the rgoups around our area to see if there is anything that can help or anyone she can talk to who is dyslexic and can help her get through this as I do not feel adequate at all.

I hasve been up all night searching the internet for ideas to help with this and I have come back here to find my post for help is apparently offensive. Well I am sorry. I am now crying my eyes out as I found your comment to be very hurtful. I am asking for help, not judgement.

Darlyd

Hey sweety.

There will be some negative posters on forums, please just ignore them.

All I can say is take her to the GP and get her referred to CAHMS, or even a psychiatric nurse that may visit the GP surgery.

Ask the school if they have any after school clubs, my DD attends an anty bullying club run by a phscologist (sp), but he is hired privately by the school.

What about kick boxing? Dance? Drama? Something that will keep her stimulated and get that anger out....

I know it can be hard with the kids on your own when you are having trouble with one of them, but you will be fine, it will all come to you..

Big hugs.. xx

Seanymph

Does she understand what dyslexia is? Have you explained it to her? Has someone explained it to you?

My youngest was diagnosed (tentatively and verbally after tests) this year - currently she is doing A Levels in German, Maths, Biology and Chemistry - she isn't stupid, yet she feels stupid becuause of her issues.

I called http://www.4dyslexics.com/about.htm these people and they were brilliant. They supported me in supporting her.

Once she understood it wasn't a 'fault' thing, it was a 'brain neuron sequential' thing she was a bit clamer about it.

Depression, if your daughter is struggling with it, is also a physical thing, it's depressed brain activity, there isn't as much electrical activity which causes the symptoms of 'depression'.

My daughter was reassured to learn it was a physical thing, not a thinking thing.

Either way I'm sure they would take your call, no matter where you are, and they were very helpful.

It's so hard to know how best to support our children sometimes, and I'm really pleased for you that you have supportive teaching staff - but for me, the big difference in my child came when she understood more about what was happening in her head to cause her problems.

Spendless

Have you asked at your child's school if there is any support available for help with her self esteem issues? We have recently been given this sort of help for one of my children following some issues they were having with their peer group.

Caroline_a

Firstly, why are you making her attend a drama club that she obviously dislikes? If your OH thinks it's so good, let him go! I would never pressurise a child to do an out of school activity that they disliked, these things are supposed to be fun!!!

Ask her what she would like to do, rather than deciding for her. I would have thought that a drama club would require some reading out loud, which would be hard for a child with dyslexia.

aliasojo

averagemummy, the 'tone' of your post seems fine to me and it's quite clear what your problems are. (That was referring to someone else's comment that has since been removed.)

Your description of your daughter could also have fitted mine a few years ago. It's very hard to constantly support and be positive towards someone who is always negative and has a tendency towards the dramatic. ('All my fault, world a disaster' etc.) It will be even more draining dealing with this by yourself.

Interestingly, it's largely accepted, although not officially diagnosed, that my daughter is dyscalculic (number dyslexic). She also felt unaccepted by her peers.

Our Doctor at the time had a son who was similar, he said he had to 'teach' him how to be happy within his own skin. Quite how he did that, I don't really know.

I agree with visiting the GP as a starting point. It might be useful for your daughter to be referred to a psychiatric nurse. That sounds worse than it is, it's just an ordinary person wearing ordinary clothes who will chat to you and your daughter.

I don't agree with making her attend clubs that she feels negative in or about. If she is getting genuinely upset then I would remove her from that situation until she is more able to cope emotionally. She's only 7, she's clearly not dealing well with things at present, why put her in situations where she will feel worse? Strip everything back to basics and let her relax more. Once she feels less pressured by the others around her, you can work on building her self esteem.

Don't be put off posting, the majority of people here are friendly and want to help. Not all the advice will work for you but you may get something useful.

Molly41

My DD is severely dyslexic but very bright. She was very frustrated throughout school and to some extent is now. She also becomes very angry and has had periods when her mood is very low. Over the years I have practiced relaxation with my DD and now there is Mindfulness for kids which I think sounds good. I have also encouraged her creative side and she has tried many different crafts. It is important that her teachers are stretching her as it is quite likely that the dyslexia is masking a very intelligent little girl.