New baby - any good tips on managing visitors?

Amymo

Hi all,

Was going to post this on the less than one year thread but I'm sure others will have advice too!

We're about to have our first baby and would love to hear any tips on managing visitors. It seems that nowadays hospital stays are very short and whereas I'd have liked to have had people come see us in hospital all being well we may not be there for more than a day for visitors.

We both have quite large families but are quite private people, we like our own space on the whole so I am nervous about establishing breastfeeding and managing visits at the same time.

Both sets of grandparents-to-be live within a 15 minute drive, I'd like to get the right balance with them too, because they're understandably super excited and I want them to have a really good relationship with our LO, but are renowned for unannounced visits whilst 'popping past' our place and I am keen that DH gets some time to bond before going back to work too. Again any tips would be gratefully appreciated!

Gillyx

Be honest. Tell people you don't want unexpected visits and you want "x" amount of days as a family before the visitors arrive.

If all else fails, a sign on the door! "new baby, tired mum and dad, please arrange visit"

I'm being serious too although I'm an unsociable cow.

tanith

I agree with Gillyx , people can be a bit thoughtless when it comes to new babies..just be honest , let the grandparents come and see the baby preferably a quick hospital visit and then say you'd like to get routines established for both you and Dad and baby.. you don't want unexpected visits as you want to relax while breastfeeding for the first couple of weeks at least.. there is nothing to stop you actually taking the baby to them as they are so close for a short visit, that way they'll of seen the baby but entirely on your terms and that might make the visiting a lot less necessary.

balletshoes

I'd make a formal invitation to the folk you really want to see when you get out of hospital, for them to pop in and meet/hold the baby etc. Then I'd make it clear to all of them that until your OH goes back to work, you'd like them to call ahead before they pop in. In fact, get them to call ahead anyway .

By the way, when you're home and if you're exhausted, theres nothing wrong at all with just not answering the door when you have a new baby. Don't try to please anyone except yourself and your baby when you first get home - and for those visitors you do get at home, when they offer to stick the kettle on/wash the dishes - let them !

thegirlintheattic

I personally wouldn't stop GPs visiting but I'd have a word with them to make it clear that if they do visit you would like them to help out i.e. washing, cooking, cleaning.

For other vistors, with your arrival text, e-mail etc. put a little note saying whilst you'd love everyone to meet the LO, please give it x days/weeks before arranging a time to come a visit.

barbiedoll

Yes, you really do need some time alone as a family during those first few precious (and scary!) days. Get OH to be firm and to tell everyone that you're both exhausted (which won't be a lie), that you are getting to know your new son/daughter and that you appreciate that everyone wants to see the baby but all in good time.

If you still have your mum though, and you're on good terms with her, then you'll probably be begging her to come round after a day or two. There's nothing like having a new baby to make you appreciate your mum!

When you do feel up to having visitors, don't make the mistake of running around making tea and sandwiches whilst they all sit there holding the baby. That's YOUR job, the relatives are quite capable of feeding and watering themselves. And don't feel like you have to hide away when you're breastfeeding, if you don't want your leery uncle/cousin/brother-in-law to see, then don't let him come round!

Good luck with the birth and don't worry, you'll soon see the benefits of having hoardes of baby-sitters living close by!

ellay864

Agree with the above, and if you're still worried lie! We'd heard a work colleague had some problems when she first came home with her baby - mum had a cold and baby was also quite blocked and upset so not feeding well and was grizzly cos of it. The midwife had advised minimal fuss for a few days so the only people that visited were immediate family. When a mutual friend popped round after about 2 weeks it turned out that mum and baby were totally fine, never had so much as a sniffle but they'd resorted to that to keep people at bay as they knew they'd be deluged otherwise!

faerie~spangles

Whilst I appreciate the folk want to see the new baby I feel they're being selfish turning up unannounced.

I didn't go abroad to meet my granddaughter until she was 3 months old. The week before she was born her maternal Papa was there then Granny turned up and stayed for two weeks, then the sister and 3yr old nephew stayed for a week then my ex went out and stayed for a week. Despite my son wanting me there I felt they needed time on their own without staying guests and a barrage off advice.

I've yet to meet my six week old niece and nephew and new my grandson.


Of course I'm desperate to meet my grandson but they need time to adapt to having a new baby and almost two year old.

A new baby can be overwhelming and visitors can really tire you out.

Put a funny message on the answer phone stating that you appreciate the call and know peeps would like to visit but your too busy getting to know your new baby.

VfM4meplse

faerie~spangles wrote: »

A new baby can be overwhelming and visitors can really tire you out.

You can't be running round after guests and look after your LO whilst you're getting used to your first baby. Accept all good wishes, but enjoy the first couple of weeks w/o any visitors (your parents and siblings excepted), consider this to be a self-imposed confinement.

Oh yes, and when visitors do come to see you, make sure they wash their hands throughly before handling your baby, and don't let anyone kiss him / her. (These would be my requirements, anyway).

Gillyx

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Oh yes, and when visitors do come to see you, make sure they wash their hands throughly before handling your baby, and don't let anyone kiss him / her. (These would be my requirements, anyway).

Agree 100% with this. I didn't allow anyone to pick my baby up if he was sleeping either, no need to disturb him.

VfM4meplse

Gillyx wrote: »

Agree 100% with this. I didn't allow anyone to pick my baby up if he was sleeping either, no need to disturb him.

I'd probably give the baby a dose of Vallergan Forte before visitors come, just to be sure.

(That was a joke, before anyone reports me to the NSPCC).