What to think.....

pukkamum

My DH was very honest with me 6 years ago when i was complaining about my weight yet again, his response was you are overweight, you know it and i know it, i still fancy and love you, however, either live with it and stop moaning or do something about it.
I went on to lose 6 stone and have kept it off.
We were having much less sex then, not because he didn't like the way i looked but because i was forever trying to cover myself up which was offputting for him or was was extremely tired, because of my increased weight.
He made the point that when we had sex there are much better things to look at and think about than the size of my belly!

miss_hh

Loving someone and fancying someone is completely different.

I fancy my oh for what he is now, and to be honest if he put alot of weight on I prob wouldnt find him as sexy. I would still love him with all my heart but I doubt I would find him as sexy.

Your Oh was honest with you and this has really hurt you but now you know where things are at. Sit down and work out where you both go from here. The trust issue would be my 1st concern.

Taadaa

Awww hugs. I think even though you asked for honesty it is reasonable to feel hurt by such a thing, although he probably didnt mean to.

Maybe you should tell him you will go on a diet if he does? ;-)

NAR

Grumpygit say to your OH that you take on board about having put on weight. Then playfully pinch his spare tyre and say he could lose some weight too. Suggest that you try and lose the weight together, be that through jogging, going to a gym, swimming, diet or a combination of these. That way both of you will see how committed the other is and it may draw you closer together.

balletshoes

Grumpygit wrote: »

The other thing is that he says he doesn't trust me (not in a cheating way) but just everything else ie money/not telling him what's going on etc etc

xx

is this something you have identified too (you said you were kind of expecting the weight gain comment from your OH). Did you discuss what he meant by the trust issue, examples etc, and do you see where he's coming from, or do you think you're not being unreasonable with those issues?

I think trust issues can be more shaky ground than anything else in a relationship.

bluenoseam

What's with the slaughtering the guy for saying she's put on weight, now at the risk of really annoying you weight doesn't magically appear overnight, you don't go to bed on Monday being a size 10 and wake up a size 16! You know it happens, we know it happens, yet if we tell the truth we get grief for it - this should also cover the answer to the immortal question "does my bum look big in this?" - chances are if you have to ask, you know the answer and you're not gonna like it!

He was straight up with you, that's what you wanted and that's what you got - if you didn't want to hear the truth or were likely to be hurt by it then ultimately it wasn't so wise to ask the question.

However as balletshoes just pointed out, he doesn't trust you over money, not telling him what's going on etc etc. That denotes you're HIDING something from him far worse than a few extra pounds around the middle - that's what we commonly know as LYING or DECEIT. That doesn't help any relationship, infact that kills more relationships than anything else.

You can figure out from here what is more important, working on the trust issue or working on the weight issue, one has a mental effect the other a physical effect. While it's possible to work on both, one is an immediate fix - the other will take time.

System

Before i had my youngest son i went on a diet and lost 5 stone in a little over 12 months.

I really thought it would make myself more desirable to my husband. Sex was good but i honestly thought losing weight would make it even better.

It didnt make a scrap of difference.

rachbc

Do you think the weight really is the issue or do you think he was just saying it to deflect it all back onto being your fault and to avoid addressing any issues me might have? Its an easy thing to say to shut you up and get him out of a conversation he doesn't want to have...

I have to say both me and OH have put on weight at various times and we still fancy the pants off each other

dundeediva

Hmm this is a tricky one. One the one hand he said he doesn't fancy you because you put on weight. Thats harsh. BUT he has told you about it and i give him credit for that. At least he is being honest with you.

I dont know if I would want to be told that tbh, its a bit of a double edged sword. If you do decide to lose weigh make sure you are doing it for YOU.

I hope it all works out for you x

mummybearx

I have to agree with rachbc on this one, it seems that he may be deflecting from what the real issues are.

I was ill a few years ago, had a colostomy bag for over 6 months and lost a few stone in weight. I looked awful. Went from 10stone to just about 7stone. My boyfriend (at the time, he is now my husband) still fancied me, still wanted to be intimate, even though I looked awful. At the time he went from his usual 11 stone to just over 13 stone, so he was a bit 'chubbier' than usual. But I still fancied him.

Personally, I feel weight shouldn't be an issue. A few pounds here or there, maybe even a few stone here or there, your partner should still love you and want to be with your regardless.

x