16 year old - Eating Issue

stebiz

I don't think the laptop was removed because she 'never ate meat'. She said that she wanted to do without meat for lent - not for good. She lost weight during this period, because to be honest, she isn't a big fan of veg either.

So the day after lent, she chose to say, that she wasn't going to eat her roast dinner - except a few potatoes. I thought she was being silly, and advised her that if she wanted to act like a kid, I'd treat her like one.

If you wants to be a vegetarian, I have no real issues. Not sure my wife will !!!!! foot around meals though. It is hectic enough in this house, as it is running after 3 kids. However if she wanted to help prepare meals that would make things different.

I've listened a lot on here. I am going to arrange a few (discreet) vegetarian meals over the next couple of weeks. I won't try and bring up the food issue, whilst she gets through her exams, and will get some vitamins in her, some way or another;) I'll also make sure she has plenty of types of fruit all cut up and ready for her to snack on.

Then in a couple of months once the exams are over, I'll see how things are, and then maybe have a word with a doctor or nurse.

stebiz

Lara44 wrote: »

Are you spending any quality one-to-one time with her at the moment?

When I was that age I really needed my parents but I felt silly asking for their help and guidance. Also they seemed to have their own lives to deal with. I would have loved to do some things with my parents individually to keep the lines of communication between us deep. Sometimes interaction in the home is a bit disjointed with dinner, telly, other family etc. Camping would have been great! I didn't have an eating disorder but did have a hard time during exams.

Thanks. It can get a bit hectic at times, and I will certainly try that bit harder.

j.e.j.

stebiz wrote: »

I wonder if anybody could give me your views. My daughter who has just turned 16, is giving me concern with her eating issues.

Before lent, she wanted to give up meat, to test her willpower (or so she says) and she went the 40 days without doing so. On the 41st day we had a big argument, as I'd done a roast, and she said she no longer wanted to eat meat. In the end, I did all but force her to eat it (banning phones,laptop etc)

During the 40 days she was happy to say that she had lost 7Ib's and was now 8 stone 9 pounds - she is 5ft 7 inches tall.

Since then she will only eat very small portions. Like today was no breakfast. A packet of animal biscuits for Dinner and has just had an apple when she came home. If it is like the last month, she'll have no more than a small tea plate size of food for tea.

Now I know she is under pressure in school. She has 12 GCSE's to do in the next couple of months. The school and herself are expecting high grades on all subjects, and she is studying hard to obtain them.

Just now I phoned up the doctors, but they are closed until 8am in the morning. I was going to phone the doctor, and ask him to put the frighteners up her, as to what harm she could do to herself.

Am I going OTT?:(

I'm no expert on this but it sounds like food is the one area your daughter can decide/control for herself. The rest of her life (from her point of view) is being decided and controlled for her, if that makes sense? Does she need more of her own space or a bit of autonomy now that she's 16?

She has a lot of pressures on her at school, and there seems to be a battle of wills between you and her at home. I'm not sure about getting the doctor to 'put the frighteners up her', but if you are concerned it might be good to have a word with the GP and see what they advise.

Re. the vegetarianism, there should be no need to try and force someone to eat meat, just as long as she doesn't expect mum to cook 2 seperate meals each time Maybe she can try her hand at cooking some vege meals herself?

Idiophreak

stebiz wrote: »

She has always been a fussy eater. Hates the idea of anything with fat in it (hence no meat)

She either needs some education or some tough talking to make her see the senselessness of this.

A 100g cod fillet contains around 1g of fat.
A chicken breast? 3g
Lean minced beef? 5g
Tofu? 5g
Quorn? around 10g
Cashew nuts? 49g

She's going to need to get proteins from somewhere - and if she doesn't like foods with fat in, she's much better off sticking with meat!

LadyMorticia

I was 16 when I became vegetarian. My foster parents didn't want to accept it at first but they came around. It's not such a big deal if she wants to be veggie.

I've also had an ED since I was 9, which I still struggle with and I'm 25.

I definitely don't think you should pressure her as this will most likely see her restricting her eating even more. I do think the issue does need to be tackled though, especially with her exams coming up and for her own health.

She could genuinely not be hungry if she's stressed. It happens to alot of people, but at 16 and losing that much weight there might be more of an issue here.

Maybe suggest that she takes a multivitamin if she's not eating that much. It's not ideal but it will at least make sure she gets some of her daily vitamins. You also need to make sure that she doesn't become anaemic as that will really affect how she feels too.

Make sure what little she eats is healthy. Don't put too much emphasis on food and definitely don't make it an "issue", even though it is.

Getting some advice from her GP or school nurse might be the way to go too and B-eat are a fantastic organisation. They used to be called the Eating Disorders Association and they were of great support to me when I was younger. They're also very supportive to family and friends.

esmy

It is utterly pointless battling with children of any age over food - you cannot actually force food down them whether they're a fussy toddler or a teen. If you'chill' a bit, she probably will. Taking her to the corner shop and standing over her while she 'chooses' a meal isn't the way to do it. Get some idea of the sorts of things she would like to eat and have it available. She may prefer smaller meals and to 'graze' in between.

For several years we had 2 meat eaters and 2 veggies in the house, including my DD between the ages of 9 and 15. It isn't hard to prepare meals that suit both, although we all tended to eat veggie a lot more and I still use Quorn/soya for all mince based dishes because real mince tastes odd now.

cottonhead

I gave up meat at 11. I know thats very young and my parents didnt approve but 23 years later and I have never touched it since that day. So if thats her choice I wouldnt make a fuss.
Has anyone made an unkind jpke about her weight or apperance or is another friend on a diet ? Often peer pressure is the main reason.
Have a chat - try to make it informal so she doenst realise ! perhaps ask if there is a nice veggie meal you coudl make her? That would show your support and strengthen the bond and trust between you.
It is worrying but I woud say the less drama you make the better. Then if it does get out of hand and your daughter doenst have a reason for doing this that is altered by your support, you can think of seek professional advice. try and boost her self confidence by giving her loads of compliments and perhaps go for a girl pamper session or something ?

Doom_and_Gloom

You treated her like a child because she chose to continue not eating meat? You think she was being silly to not stop her Lent choice even though she obviously doesn't just want to do it for Lent anymore? She wasn't being a child, she was making a choice and you reacting to it as if she was being a child has obviously hurt her emotionally.

It is very possible it has nothing to do with the weight loss. It could be she honestly feels better not eating meat for what ever reasons (there are many reasons - ethical, health, environment etc). Obviously incase it is to do with weight keep an eye on her but treating her like a child when she is a young adult is going to do you no favours. If she really doesn't want to eat meat any more than don't make her.

Emmzi

stebiz wrote: »

So the day after lent, she chose to say, that she wasn't going to eat her roast dinner - except a few potatoes. I thought she was being silly, and advised her that if she wanted to act like a kid, I'd treat her like one.

This kind of conversation with that kind of tone at age 16 are why I was living in a squat at age 17. Your current concept of "values" and "right" will not cut it with a 16 year old.

Just saying...

StudioBeau

stebiz wrote: »

Because no doubt if she has an issue now, it will only affect her with A levels and Uni. I'd like to nip it in the bud now.:(

I'm really sorry to be blunt here but: This is the problem. You are worried about her health and what is the thing you say - it will affect her a levels and uni, you are expecting her to do this and expecting her to do well, this is you putting pressure on her without even thinking about it.

As a recovered bulimic, I can't even explain how pressured I felt by my mother even when she said little things like 'you'll meet new friends at uni' or 'you can go where ever you want to do your a levels, you will do really well'. It is things that you probably see as being positive to her she can take as being pressure.

Release all pressure on her. Tell her you will not force her to eat, stare at her when she eats, etc. Just tell her you love her, and you will love her the same with 1 GCSE as you will with 12 A*'s, tell her there are hundreds of choices out there nowadays, college, a levels, apprenticeships, going straight into work, even travelling and volunteering in other countries! Don't make this a sit down talk, just have it as a chat whilst watching tv or something.

I wouldn't recommend actually talking to her about her problem, I would recommend just saying to her that you are there if she wants to talk about anything at all and what is said stays in that room you spoke about it in and is not mentioned again and wait for her to talk to you. I didn't want to tell people about my problem because I didn't want people to treat me differently, if she knows she will not be judged or treated differently, she is more likely to talk to you if there is a problem.