16 year old - Eating Issue

stebiz

I wonder if anybody could give me your views. My daughter who has just turned 16, is giving me concern with her eating issues.

Before lent, she wanted to give up meat, to test her willpower (or so she says) and she went the 40 days without doing so. On the 41st day we had a big argument, as I'd done a roast, and she said she no longer wanted to eat meat. In the end, I did all but force her to eat it (banning phones,laptop etc)

During the 40 days she was happy to say that she had lost 7Ib's and was now 8 stone 9 pounds - she is 5ft 7 inches tall.

Since then she will only eat very small portions. Like today was no breakfast. A packet of animal biscuits for Dinner and has just had an apple when she came home. If it is like the last month, she'll have no more than a small tea plate size of food for tea.

Now I know she is under pressure in school. She has 12 GCSE's to do in the next couple of months. The school and herself are expecting high grades on all subjects, and she is studying hard to obtain them.

Just now I phoned up the doctors, but they are closed until 8am in the morning. I was going to phone the doctor, and ask him to put the frighteners up her, as to what harm she could do to herself.

Am I going OTT?:(

Taadaa

7lb is a lot of weight for a 16 yo to lose in 40 days imho. I wouldn't force her to eat meat but can you insist she eats meals with you? Have you tried speaking to her about it, the stress of the exams etc.

Idiophreak

I think we have to put the meat issue to one side, really...if she really doesn't want to eat meat any more, that's her choice. (and it really won't help anyone to force her to eat it).

The general under-eating's a different matter...have you spoken to her about the immediate damage not eating correctly could do to her? If she falls ill due to lowered immunity, she won't be able to set her exams. When hungry she won't be able to concentrate. Not having enough energy will lessen her ability to revise for long periods. If she's serious about the exams, she needs to be serious about eating well.

What does she say when you ask why she doesn't want to eat more?

Person_one

I wouldn't go the forcing route again as you did at Easter.

For now, she's eating and she's doing so in front of the family, so I'd make sure the food she does eat is healthy and sustaining (you can fit a lot of nutrition into a tea-plate sized portion if you try) and I'd keep a close eye on her for signs of an eating disorder.

If she starts being secretive about her eating, taking her meals to her bedroom etc. or if she starts excessively exercising, even walking up and down the stairs or to the shops and back repetitively, or starts wearing baggy clothes to hide her shape then get in touch with your GP or ring BEAT: http://www.b-eat.co.uk/get-help/get-support/helpline/

12 GCSEs is an awful lot, nobody needs to do that many but the schools want the grades. I'd make sure she knows there is no pressure for a full set of A*s from you. Teenagers can be awful about weight as well so there'll be pressure from her peers to be stick thin or get called fat.

daisiegg

I don't think you're OTT to be worried. Do you think she is only eating small portions because she wants to be thin, or could it be because she is stressed at school? Or there could be an underlying medical condition causing her to lose her appetite. Does she talk about being thin/body image/comment on other people's weight (on TV etc), does she seem self-conscious? What does she say when you challenge her about her eating habits, or when you try to get her to eat? Does she still seem to have an appetite for treats? How does she respond if her favourite food is offered to her (be it chocolate, chips, whatever)?

I have known a couple of long-term anorexics and while people with an eating disorder can be very good at hiding their behaviour, they usually aren't as good at hiding their skewed attitudes (often because they don't realise their view is skewed).

newcook

Why would you stop your daughter from having mobile/laptop etc because she didn’t want to eat meat?! Sorry but it sounds to me like she quite enjoyed being a vegetarian and wanted to continue it.

As for the rest of the not eating, have you tried speaking to her about the lack of food she is eating? Do you not all sit down together for tea of an evening?

I’d try and speak with her first before the doctor

stebiz

Taadaa wrote: »

7lb is a lot of weight for a 16 yo to lose in 40 days imho. I wouldn't force her to eat meat but can you insist she eats meals with you? Have you tried speaking to her about it, the stress of the exams etc.

I've tried. She is one of the 'top' (hate that word) girls in her class. It is pretty well expected that she will get A's or A*'s in all her subjects. Personally I'd be happy, just to see the bloody things out the way.

Because no doubt if she has an issue now, it will only affect her with A levels and Uni. I'd like to nip it in the bud now.:(

stebiz

Thanks for the replies.

When myself and my wife ask her, she just says she doesn't have an appetite any more.

I took her for her favourite buffet a couple of weeks ago. All you can eat. Wouldn't touch any meat, and hardly touched anything else.

I'm kind of thinking she likes being slim. But I think she may feel under pressure, with her exams. Anybody else found that with their kids?

colli

I vividly remember being a 16 year old girl and it's not a nice time. To me giving up meat for lent to test her will power sounds like an excercise in control. As a 16 year old you feel like you have very little control over your own life but at the same time you feel as though you're old enough to make your own decisions. It can be deeply, deeply frustrating and I'm afraid battling with her over whether or not she should eat meat is not likely to help. The more you argue over food the more it becomes an issue and the more control she'll feel like she needs to "take back".

I understand how difficult it must be for you if you are worried about her health but she's just about within a normal weight range for now and she is eating. Lots of girls go through a dieting phase but few go on to develop an eating disorder. For now I'd keep a quiet eye on what she's eating and don't be afraid to leave tempting treats out now and again

Armchair23

My daughter had some issues with eating at exactly the same age, and lost a lot of weight. As hard as it seems I don't think confrontation is a good starting point and eating meat is one issue you can agree with her on, plenty of us are or have been vegetarians or vegans.

If it gives her some feeling of control and independence that may be a good thing.
The other side of it is that with your help she'll have to make sure she still eats foods with enough vitamins and minerals (as well as calories). I'd say concentrate on the vitamins & minerals bit by saying her nails will break more often or her hair won't be as shiny, rather than always trying to offer the filling foods.

How you find that balance between making sure she's OK without constantly commenting or worrying about food I don't know. I don't envy you.

My DD was the easiest and nicest girl until her GCSE year and we certainly had a year or so that made up for that.

Luckily when the exams were past she seemed to take life a little easier and regained most of the weight she lost.

I really hope it's just a short passing phase and things return to normal soon.

Person_one

stebiz wrote: »

Thanks for the replies.

When myself and my wife ask her, she just says she doesn't have an appetite any more.

I took her for her favourite buffet a couple of weeks ago. All you can eat. Wouldn't touch any meat, and hardly touched anything else.

I'm kind of thinking she likes being slim. But I think she may feel under pressure, with her exams. Anybody else found that with their kids?

If she really doesn't have any appetite have you suggested a trip to the doctor to check she's ok? If so how does she react?

Does she do any sport or exercise? Is she generally healthy?