16 year old - Eating Issue

stebiz

DylanO wrote: »

If she's getting enough nutrition then she'll be fine, it sounds like she wants to be a vegetarian but doesn't want to tell her control-freak of a father who thinks it's acceptable to force someone to eat meat.

The problem is she isn't getting enough nutrition from other sources, and rightly or wrongly, I thought it would help in her getting the right vitamins. None of us are perfect.

I don't think I'm a control freak, otherwise I wouldn't have taken her to our corner supermarket 20 minutes ago, and asked her to choose ANY meal for tonight, and ANY breakfast, for in the morning.

Although she has just said that there is no way, she can eat a full meal - in which I said it was a meal for one, she chose, not a meal for a half.:(

DylanO

stebiz wrote: »

The problem is she isn't getting enough nutrition from other sources, and rightly or wrongly, I thought it would help in her getting the right vitamins. None of us are perfect.

I don't think I'm a control freak, otherwise I wouldn't have taken her to our corner supermarket 20 minutes ago, and asked her to choose ANY meal for tonight, and ANY breakfast, for in the morning.

Although she has just said that there is no way, she can eat a full meal - in which I said it was a meal for one, she chose, not a meal for a half.:(

If this is about her exercising control over one of the only things she can control then you did the absolute wrong thing in taking away her control. How did you think it was going to end? She's close to an age where she can exercise real control of her life and walk out the door and there's nothing you can do to stop her.

Supermarket ready meals, and actually portion sizes as a whole in this country are huge. Far in excess of what people need.

I would suggest that you (or better still, a nutritionist) sits down with your daughter and educates her on food and nutrition. No getting the GP to scare her because you can no longer do it - but clear, concise education, and then the appropriate cooking lessons and ingredients.

Scare tactics alone will not work - not if she can't see any other option.

onlyroz

If she wants to go vegetarian then I'd let her, but say that she must prepare proper meals for herself. Perhaps look up recipes with her and take her shopping for ingredients. Maybe as a family you could do a few vegetarian days together each week, and get her to help prepare a meal for everybody.

Doom_and_Gloom

If she doesn't want to eat meat you shouldn't force her to eat it.
The fact that you did force her has most likely upset her a lot. She is 16 and you are still treating her like a child! Do you not understand that? Don't force her to eat meat as you honestly do not need it to be healthy.
By all means keep an eye on her to make sure she is healthy but don't force meat on her if she doesn't want it.

Maybe encourage her into eating new non-meat foods but no forcing. Forcing to do things will get you nowhere.

Sambucus_Nigra

stebiz wrote: »

The problem is she isn't getting enough nutrition from other sources, and rightly or wrongly, I thought it would help in her getting the right vitamins. None of us are perfect.

I don't think I'm a control freak, otherwise I wouldn't have taken her to our corner supermarket 20 minutes ago, and asked her to choose ANY meal for tonight, and ANY breakfast, for in the morning.

a - if she isn't getting the right sort of nutrition, then perhaps stop having animal biscuits in the house in the first place.
b - a control freak would definitely force someone to choose something, anything, as long as they choose.

I gave up meat at 17 and 28 years later, still don't eat meat - I'm still alive and I even got a degree whilst being totally veggie.

Give her a break, supply plenty of fresh fruit and veg, and perhaps cook with her some good veggie meals [there are tons out there] - and hope that after her exams she chills out a bit. But wait til after the exams to add this additional pressure and please do not force her to eat anything. I expect the stress of the exams is causing it so you are just forcing something that is a natural reaction to stress.

Tish_P

The fact that she wants to go vegetarian might work in your favour here as it gives you an excuse to talk about necessary nutrients and proteins and how she's going to ensure she keeps her strength and concentration up. Ask her to cook veggie for the whole family one night a week, pin a shopping list up where she can add nutritious meat-free food to it and so on.

I think the posters who mentioned control are hitting the nail on the head. If she's eating strangely to exercise control - whether over herself, over you, over her life and body at this bewildering stage, or all of the above - then give her more control over other areas of her life (where safe and appropriate of course).

How concrete are her plans for the future? Does she seem excited and happy about them, or fearful of failure?

Hope it all works out. An alarming proportion of teenage girls are funny about food at some stage or another and most don't come to serious harm but it must be harrowing to see this happen.

Person_one

Tish_P wrote: »

The fact that she wants to go vegetarian might work in your favour here as it gives you an excuse to talk about necessary nutrients and proteins and how she's going to ensure she keeps her strength and concentration up. Ask her to cook veggie for the whole family one night a week, pin a shopping list up where she can add nutritious meat-free food to it and so on.

I think this is the way to go.

Dial down the pressure and accept her vegetarianism. No more trips to the shop for the sole purpose of getting food to keep you happy, I know you meant well but that's actually a lot of focus on her eating.

A veggie diet can be healthier than a meat filled one if you do it right. Get a few veggie cookbooks off ebay and make stuff that is low fat and full of fresh veg and pulses, it won't do the rest of you any harm!

rising_from_the_ashes

What about the whole family having a couple of veggie meals / week?

It would show that you're accepting her decision and encouraging her to eat a healthy, balanced diet.

Have a look at the recipes on the Grocery Challenge thread (OS money saving section under H&P) - I had a really quick look and found this one which sounds quite tasty & hopefully the whole family would enjoy it:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/43691352#Comment_43691352

Also a hunt online should be able to source some veggie versions of food that all the family will eat.

Good luck - being 16 is pants and she is no doubt stressed with exams etc and eating is often the thing that's easy to maintain some control over - it's keeping it in proportion and not letting it get out of hand that's the key.

Edwardia

Wow I am pretty disturbed that you took away your daughter's laptop etc because she wouldn't eat meat. If your sixteen year old daughter doesn't want to eat meat then that's her choice.

I was a vegetarian for 11 years until I moved in with OH and he seduced me with cooked breakfasts and I lost weight too at first. ANY big diet change induces weight loss and most of that first small weight loss will be water.

I don't think the pressure your DD feels under to do well in exams has anything to do with her lack of appetite. It's far more likely to be proving to herself she has some control over her life poor girl and not wanting to end up a great fatso like some of her peers and of course attracting boys. At 16 she's old enough to be married.

My father was a vegetarian 1982-2010 and died of heart disease even though he was perfect weight for his height and age. Vegetarianism isn't superior OR inferior, you can be healthy or unhealthy as a veggie/

I think the right thing to do would be to be supportive of her joining a young vegetarians group or something, encouring her to learn about food and cook for herself. My mother did that with me when I went veggie at 16 and I ended up going to college and training to be a chef and did uni later in life. https://www.vegsoc.org

If DD is doing 12 GCSEs she's pretty clever so point in the direction of finding out about the diet she wants don't try to force her to eat with you because you think she's going all anorexic cos you could end up pushing her into that sort of behaviour sorry. She's certainly smart enough to realise what the you're eating with us, you're going to the doctor blah blah stuff is about.

Lara44

Are you spending any quality one-to-one time with her at the moment?

When I was that age I really needed my parents but I felt silly asking for their help and guidance. Also they seemed to have their own lives to deal with. I would have loved to do some things with my parents individually to keep the lines of communication between us deep. Sometimes interaction in the home is a bit disjointed with dinner, telly, other family etc. Camping would have been great! I didn't have an eating disorder but did have a hard time during exams.