managing dress expectations

wanchai_2

MrsDrink wrote: »

For me it is your (daughter's) wedding, therefore she needs to make her own priorities about what she wants to spend her money on. For some people that will be the wedding dress. For others it'll be photographers/chair covers/cake toppers/free bar etc. As with everything wedding related there will always be people who want to 'splash the cash' and those that don't. Neither side is right. But I don't like the undercurrents of inverse snobbery around buying 'expensive' wedding dresses. For me being MSE is about getting what you want for the best possible price, regardless of your budget. It isn't about buying the cheapest option regardless. We all have different priorities in life.

(My wedding dress is around 20% of our total budget).

Well said! :T

ali-t

If your daughter can budget for everything else in what she has left, then she should go for the dress of her dreams but if it means no food at the reception, no disco/band, no other nice things at the wedding then there is no point in having the dream dress.

Good luck, it is a lovely dress and I hope she can find the MSE dress of her dreams

minerva_windsong

I don't know if this has been mentioned, but have you looked into getting something similar made? That's what my sisters did - they looked for dresses in shops first, and then my dad's cousin made up similar dresses for considerably less than the ones they liked would have cost to buy. So something like that might be an idea...

hamsterfan1

Unfortunately my daughter has dyscalculia (sp?) which is like dyslexia but with numbers so she cannot work out things like budgets herself so I have to do it for her, her fiance does this at home for her. As her dad puts it its all just numbers & she doesn't know how they relate to each other.

I've tried discussing budgets with her but it's like speaking arabic to her she just doesn't understand the language.

I've had a look at TK Maxx but whoever though putting white dresses on a white background was a good idea:(

We did see one she liked in Monsoon but after trying on the biggies she is no longer cosnsidering it . We also tried Debenhams which were more traditional one was too big in an 8 & the other fitted her hips & waist but was too small around the bust. In our Debenhams there is a Berketex outlet which is why we ended up trying on these dresses as she wanted to show me the one she fell in love with in there (same sort of price). That one had a really weird bodice which she hadn't noticed when trying it on with friends.

I'm also not happy with buying from Berketex as she put dresses we had selected back on the grounds they were too old for her, not the right shape etc (surely that's for us to decide) etc tbh I think they were the less expensive ones. I've also heard awful things about their aftersales .

pbny24

I got the impression berketex were expensive for what the dresses were like and have heard bad things as well. A good idea could be to ring round local bridal shops and ask what their price ranges are and try one there? Or sample sales, second hand or outlet stores. If she's a size 8 you would be ok in outlet for finding something. Some bridal shops also have a sample sale section on their website. It sounds like she wants the big dress though so I'd try to find one within reasonable budget 5-600 maybe? It could be worth ringing before you go and say to the shop, show me all dresses below x amount but none above that way your daughter wouldn't feel like she needed to push the budget if she's not good with numbers and it doesn't come across to her that your trying to be cheap

RainbowDrops

Edited post.

minerva_windsong

RainbowDrops wrote: »

minerva_windsong

Apologies, will edit post.

wanchai_2

pbny24 wrote: »

I got the impression berketex were expensive for what the dresses were like and have heard bad things as well. A good idea could be to ring round local bridal shops and ask what their price ranges are and try one there? Or sample sales, second hand or outlet stores. If she's a size 8 you would be ok in outlet for finding something. Some bridal shops also have a sample sale section on their website. It sounds like she wants the big dress though so I'd try to find one within reasonable budget 5-600 maybe? It could be worth ringing before you go and say to the shop, show me all dresses below x amount but none above that way your daughter wouldn't feel like she needed to push the budget if she's not good with numbers and it doesn't come across to her that your trying to be cheap

This is a brilliant idea.

Berkertex do have an awful reputation btw!

WolfSong2000

I used to work at a British Red Cross store which had an excellent Bridal section including an impressive array of wedding dresses - a lot of which were brand new, never worn, etc. They'd been donated to the charity as they were "last season's" designs. They were also very cheap - never more than a few hundred pounds at most.

So, something to consider

WolfSong2000

Oh - and the dyscalculia excuse is bull - pardon my language. I also have discalculia and struggle horrifically with budgets, but instead of giving up, I just work harder to make sure I *do* understand. If I get stuck I go to friends/parents for clarification, but for your daughter to just say "I can't do it" is a complete cop-out in my opinion.

Granted, it wont be easy for her - I only ever achieved a D in GCSE maths despite taking it 3 times, but I still managed to get through a history degree (with lots of statistics), a logic exam for philosophy (one of the hardest things I've ever done, even though everyone else found it easy).

It just really frustrates me when people use dyscalculia as an excuse to not even try. There are ways of coping.