managing dress expectations

hamsterfan1

took my daughter on a wedding dress research visit yesterday & the two dresses she fell in love with are £1100 & £1300 each plus £180 alterations charge (which they didn't mention). I realise these are not overly expensive dresses but she only has a small budget (about 6k) so this would be an enormous chunk. She has grudgingly agreed to make some appointments at some shops in her town but how do I try to convince that perhaps a less glamorous dress but at a lower price would be more appropriate.

I have looked at sites like lightinthebox.com but there is nothing similar - one dress had coloured bones in the corset and the other had tiny pink & green flower embroidery all over , would having something similar made be cheaper?

fawny

Hi,

Did you get the names of the dresses or the designer that she liked? Have you & your daughter considered a 2nd hand one? I know people on her have had great success with finding their dream dress on ebay, preloved etc. Having one made is often not as expensive as you think, but I guess you would need to speak to a dress maker & get a cost to be able to compare.

RainbowDrops

I think the best thing to do is to set a dress budget BEFORE trying on dresses, that way you avoid the whole falling in love with a dress way over budget. (unless you're just looking for inspiration then willing to look for the same dress on ebay / preloved)

Lots of dress shops have sale rails.
Also, has your daughter considered highstreet? BHS, Monsoon, Debenhams etc have some lovely dresses at reasonable prices.

lozmk1

i got mine on ebay and whilst it isnt the one i wanted, i can have it altered to be amost identical and it will work out still about £700 cheaper! once a dress has been professionally dry cleaned nobody can tell anyway and it is a huge chunk of your budget saved.

London_Mum

well I don't know about you ladies, but as far as I remember the dress was more important to me than anything else (20yrs ago). And I am so gratefull that my parents didn't try to convince me to go for something else, something cheaper/less glamorous (they had very small budget too).

So I would say - go for the dress she wants and spend less on something else.
Once you fall in love with something how can you go for something 'less glamorous'? It's almost like saying 'go for another man, you can't afford this one' What I mean - for some it makes no big difference what kind of dress they wear, but for others it's THAT dress that they want, nothing else. Because that's when you feel like a princess, beautiful and full of confidence. That's that matters most. The way it makes you feel on your big day.

Of course you could try more shops and hope that she falls in love with few more dresses, that hopefully cost less...

melancholly

a quarter of the budget on a dress seems excessive..... that really won't leave much room for much else. plus when you add in shoes, hair, underwear, jewellery/tiara, veil etc etc, that's a massive proportion to be spending on one half of the couple only! you could try bridal sales where things are reduced, specialist charity wedding dress shops, buying on ebay, or even wedding fairs where they sell stock reduced.

it's very easy to get carried away with this. if i spent £150 on a dress for any other occasion, i'd feel extravagant (to say the least!) and it would make me feel confident and happy. now obviously, this is a wedding so you want to feel special, but imo you don't need an extra £1000 to do that! it won't leave much money for suits or venue or food........

has she got a budget worked out in terms of where the money needs to be spent? that might be the best way forward - then she can see what would need to be cut out for her to have her dress. once she's fully aware of the consequences, then it's up to her, but i would make the financial implications for the rest of the wedding very clear to her first!

RainbowDrops

I know some people really want the whole "princess for a day" thing, but I really can't understand why the dress is the most important thing.
To us, the most important thing was to celebrate with my friends & family, and we put most of our budget into the food, drink & music rather than frills & frocks.

For the dress to take so much of the budget is a big thing, but if that's the case then I guess you just have to cut down on other thing.
Eg, you might have to saccrifice a photographer, then you wont have the pro shot in your expensive dress...

trying_2_b_good

If she goes to the other shops, tries on all of the cheaper dresses, and doesn't love any of them - then you have a problem! But I'd wait until then. It may just be because she hasn't tried enough.

My dress was £550 new and was just as glamorous as others I have seen. Hopefully she'll find something elsewhere...

wanchai_2

She's only been shopping for her dress for a day! Go to more shops, work out a budget first though and ask them not to show you any dresses over that. Well, maybe a little over if you fancy a bit of haggling.

If she finds her dream dress, sit down and review the budget with her, and see if she can find it second hand. You can save a fortune!!!

Deals can be done in shops - I got £200 off my dress just by asking. Having said that, it still cost 13% of the entire wedding budget!! It is important to find a dress that you love but obviously I didn't go looking at £5,000 dresses lol. I went a bit over budget but within reason! Good luck!

Olokia

I found my dress at a sample sale shop. I couldn't have chosen better anywhere else and I got it for £484 (plus £140 alteration). It is sort of second hand because it was the sample dress for the shops but I don't care, I got my beautiful designer dress for about half price.

Are there any sample sale shops near you? Or find a couple of dresses she likes and find them on Ebay, Preloved etc.

arbroath_lass

London_Mum wrote: »

well I don't know about you ladies, but as far as I remember the dress was more important to me than anything else (20yrs ago). ...

Couldn't disagree more - just goes to show we're all different.

I also married over 20 years ago but remember the dress I wanted cost a tenner! Unfortunately, I didn't suit it so went for one at £100 instead. There were others far more expensive (but no more glamorous) - no way could I justify spending money like that. The dress was pretty much at the bottom of my list - h2b, family and friends were all far more important to me.

Tell her to keep looking. She may find one she likes more or find one of the designs she loves cheaper/second hand. When is the wedding?