Pregnant. How are we going to manage??????

beckseven

When I found out I was pregnant we were about to exchange contracts on our new house. I know it sounds silly but I found it a shock even though I was no longer taking the pill (and we were 30!) The next day the seller of the house we were buying pulled out so we decided to carry on with the sale of our house and moved in with my mum and dad! It felt like the end of the world though! We did finally find a new lovely house and moved in when I was 5 months pregnant. The new house was much nicer than the original one we were going to buy so and got a bargain because we were in a strong position. We love being parents-I find that I am a better person for it. Our little boy who is one brings so much love and laughter into our lives. He has slept through the night 7-7 since he was 4 months old-I recommend the contented little baby book for establishing a good routine. We loved going out and socialising and going out for meals and although we don't go out every week like we used to we still manage to go out about once a month and now my husband has started cooking me a gourmet meal every Saturday night whilst I sit and enjoy some wine so you find other ways of enjoying each other's company. We are worse off now by about 514 pounds a month now due to nursery fees but by budgeting and watching what we spend instead of wasting money on buying lunch at work and rubbish ready meals at the supermarket we make it through. You'll come to terms with it in no time and will soon start to feel excited. It's a new phase of life with so many things to look forward to not the end of your life- I promise! Congratulations!

Giles_81

Thank you all for your kind words and what seems to be a 100% optimistic response. Sorry for not replying early but been at work over weekend.
Things are sinking in a bit now, although when ppl say 'congratulations' I do not feel like I should be congratulated on such a big mistake.
We are moving into a two bed house, so we will have the room for the baby, and some of your stories sound so much worse than mine, and you all seemed to have coped well, but, as you all say, struggled. I have huge admiration for all of you who have coped no matter what life has thrown at them.
We talked over weekend and it came to light that she is just as scared as I am about coping, and been so young with both of our careers just beginning after accumulating lots of debt at uni, we both feel its just not the right time.
To cut a very long story short, we are probably going to have a termination. She is only 6wks at the moment, so got lots of time to consider and re-consider still, but at the moment this is the way we may be going. Please dont heckle me down, we are trying to make a mature decision which in my opinion is going to be an extremely tough one. We are going to decide ultimately at the end of the week, she is going down to talk to her parents to get their opinion. Neither of us have family up here (we are both from down south) and with child care costs when she goes back to uni........well, the figures just do not add up.
We kind of have to decide between her career and having a family, and she just does not want to put her career on hold for what could be a great length of time, and as she says she may never want to go back to it once the child is born.
All you pro-life out there please don't shoot me down, we want to be able to care for baby properly when one arrives, and love it fully rather than resenting the fact it has prevented us achieving things that are so important to us in our lives. We know its a big decision, hence not rushing into it, altho some of your threads made me go 'aaawwwwwwww' for the first time in my life!!!

Lavender13

(((((Hug)))))

Justie

Hi Giles

You have every right to make that choice if it's what you both want - it's a very difficult decision to make and it only saddens me that a couple like yourselves who have so much to offer and are being so responsible will be criticised by some. If you are going down that the termination route then please a) talk to a professional - it's a once done can't be changed decision. and b) do it as soon as you can. The difference your partner will feel and see in her body in the next couple of weeks will be enormous and for her sake it is best to terminate as early as possible. I'm 15 weeks pregnant and while I haven't once thought that I would want to terminate this pregnancy it's made me very aware of how hard it is for women who have terminations delayed because of the way the NHS can work. If you can't get a fast appointment on the NHS then I would recommend going private for your partner's sake. Whilst you have time from a legal point of view it moves quickly in terms of changes to the body etc.

Make sure you both talk about it in the future - even though you're making an informed decision it'll still be hard emotionally and you will both wonder at times if it was the right choice, the way to get through it is to support each other not to bottle it up inside.

What I will say is that there's never a perfect time to have a child - even our mostly planned one has still thrown us into turmoil. But only the two of you know whether you want to do this now or not. I wish you both all the very best. xx

themaccas

Hi Giles
Just wanted to add that this decision is yours and your OH's to make and no-one can make the decision for you. No-one should criticise you for your choices and a termination is never the easy option it is by far the most difficult one to make. Your OH will need LOADS of support following the op so please be there for her, get her to write down the reasons you are going through with it as after she may well need to look to those thoughts for reassurance after.
Hugs to you both

seven-day-weekend

Hi Giles.

I certainly hope no-one would shoot you down in flames (and I am a pro-lifer), as in the end it is not an easy decision for you and your girlfriend to make.

I agree with everyone else who says that your partner will need a lot of support afterwards. (You may, too). So just make sure you are there for each other.

I hope all goes well for you and your girlfriend and wish you both well for the future.

((((hugs)))

llh189

A couple of years ago I found myself in a very simailar situation, and we made the very difficult decision to have a very early termination ( I was just 5 weeks when I had it done ), it was a very hard but right decision for us, I wouldn't leave the decision too long, I was able to have an early medical termination - no hospital, no invasive procedures, which made the process a whole lot easier to cope with.

Be prepared for the grief, the guilt, the lack of understanding that some people will show and the time that it takes to heal you and your GF ( even of you know it is the right thing to do ), be strong and be completely open about your feelings.

You are very brave asking other peoples opinion, especially blood relatives, mine would never have understood, and even now several years later I couldn't tell them, the would have put their own feeling first and not mine.

The very best of luck to you, I really hope that you are able to make the right decision for you both.

Timmne

Mate I think you're doing well in coming to terms to the fact that the 'best' solution may be to do the most controversial in some people's eyes.

I am in a similar situation to you with the new house, we're both young & newly qualified, not enough cash to pay for a new baby the way we'd want to etc etc. (we're not having a baby though)

My GF and I discussed this not long ago and came to the decision that if something like this should happen to us it would be in everyone's interest to have a termination. This includes the "potential" baby as it wouldn't be fair to bring it into the world if they can't have what you'd love them to have. I am also of the opinion that a baby is not a baby until the last couple of months of pregnancy anyway - I would also possibly extend this to the birth.

This is not just the cash thing but the living a life while you're young and not tied down.

Let us know what decision you make if you feel you can, but don't worry about being put down for your decision; it is yours to make.

misspenny

we are in almost the same situation im a student nurse oh is a staff nurse our son is almost 6 months now, we get by on his wages and my bursary we had get a house so have a mortgage to pay. your oh can get maternity leave for up to 40 weeks for which she will be payed her full bursary if you decide to go on and have baby. i know it not the idea situation to get pregnant but babies dont care about designer buggies or having 20 pairs of booties. im not trying to influence you desision but just wanted to let you know that it isnt as hard work as you might think.

heather38

i just want to say well done for making such a hard decision, i replied earlier to your thread but i just want you offer my support. 5 years ago i too had a termination and it was a very hard decision but at the time my BF (now my husband) were still living with our parents, we were young (22) at the time and to us it wasn't the right time-not that it ever is-but we just were not ready. i feel that it was the right decision and was fully prepared for the consequenses, but it was so hard, the feelings of grief and guilt were overwhelming and for a long time after i couldn't look at babies or pregnant women. but you learn to come to terms with it and life goes on.
good luck for the future what ever you decide is best for you