When I asked for luck I didn't mean the bad variety!!!

please-let-me-be-lucky

Thank you so much for your kind words DFW, Robin and CD :A

The meditation idea is a good one, and even though as Robin says I have a lot of calls on my time, but if I can find time to cry I can find time to meditate!

Planting a tree or bush is also an excellent idea thank you. I like the idea of watching something grow in place of the child that is missing! (So glad you still get to visit your tree Robin!). I had thought we would go out for the day as a family on the due date, but due to my new working hours I will now be at work 12-3. We could perhaps spend the morning or afternoon planting instead Xx

Ok. I've decided, like a counselling session, to get things off my chest. Feel free to skip the next post if you don't want to listen to 'poor me' .....

please-let-me-be-lucky

Things bothering me/making me feel down at the moment;

1) Baby would be due in precisely one week. This has bothered me more than I thought it would if that makes sense. I have found it hard that someone due at the same time as me had her baby this week and it took me 2 days to pluck up the courage to go present shopping for him. I feel that the date is 'looming over me'.

2) I'm due my period this weekend. This in itself is fine, we haven't been trying to get pregnant or anything, I'm simply listing it as I think this has a bearing on my mood.

3) DH's moods have been erratic and he has been hard to live with. I feel I have given my all for almost 2 years since the accident and I don't deserve to be spoken to the way he does sometimes.

4) The other day DH was talking to someone in the supermarket. She obviously knew him but I didn't know her. He told her all about the accident etc and other information. When she walked away and I asked who she was he said he couldn't remember. Later it came to him that she was a relative of someone we don't have anything to do with anymore, and I'm furious that they now have info about us. This may sound petty but they caused us a lot of trouble a few years ago and I don't want to get involved again. I'm annoyed at DH for telling things to someone when he didn't even remember who they were, and I'm annoyed with myself for being annoyed when it's all part of his problems. It's also brought my mood down being reminded of the situation a few years ago.

5) Money is very tight. We never seem to have any room and it's always a juggling act to make sure we have enough. I've backed off on the debt overpayments and we don't have to pay for DS2's playgroup anymore and yet we seem worse off than we were. Our savings have taken a battering, car tax and insurance are due at the end of the month, we are away on our little caravan holiday at the same time and we still need more money to finish the decorating. My head hurts trying to work it all out.

6) I'm not sleeping properly.

7) I need my hair done and some new clothes but thanks to #5 these aint gonna happen.

8) I'm disappointed in myself for feeling like this when I normally cope with anything.

Positives and action plan to follow.

debtfreewannabe321

I'm glad you got it all off your chest plmbl, if you're anything like me #2 would be the exact cause that I get so more down about everything at that time of the month. We've cut back on paying the debt by more than halving it in recent months as everything was just so overwhelming. I look forward to seeing your action plan.

Oh and btw search on youtube for short guided meditations -mse as it's free! X

debtfreewannabe321

P.s #7 how about visiting local college for a cut I know our local one charges only a few quid for a cut? As for new clothes how about boot fairs and charity shops I love my bargains I can pick up and I always get better names than I can usually afford if buying new xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

Referring to list above

1) Being sensible, now would not be the best time to have a baby. I fell pregnant before DH's seizures started and they now put a different slant on things. I would have loved it dearly and adapted to having 3 regardless, but this may have had a negative effect on the 2 I have already if I spread myself too thin. We made a conscious decision not to try again just now. There is still time to have another.

2) Hopefully Aunt Flo's arrival will automatically make my mood better.

3) DH has been better the last couple of days. We discussed this with the woman who does confidence building with him and we can go to the doctor about it too. If things get worse I can ask MIL or his friend to spend some time with him while I take myself out of the situation for a while.

4) Can't do anything about it now. Hopefully nothing else will come of it. In future I will step in and ask if I don't know who they are.

5) I need to apply myself more to earning pennies. I feel that I've taken my foot off the pedal in this area. Will scout around for things to sell/do more surveys for vouchers/enter competitions again etc.

6)?? I can fall asleep fine but wake in the early hours and then can't get back to sleep.

7) If I do #5 this might happen.

I love my family. I don't want to be without them. I may need more time out than I get though. I need to come first once in a while.

If nothing changes after Aunt Flo and the due date have passed I will seek help for my low mood.

stripes

Mrs PLMBL it is ok to cry and let it out just remember you are a superstar and an amazing woman, wife, mother and friend. :j

debtfreewannabe321

Totally agree with stripes

Ps perhaps action plan for waking in night - it's the perfect time to put your earphones in and listen to a meditation I often usedt to fall asleep when I first started doing it but the sleep was always sound so was helpful in that way! Xx

Sun_Addict

Oh P sorry to hear you are feeling so low at the moment. Hope you feel better for airing your feelings in public - I find it helps personally. "Time of the month" could have a lot to do with it. I think this is the time any feelings of negativity surface. Don't know what to say about hubby - men can be pains in the butt at the best of times and they never inhabit the same planet as us! I don't know how long it should be before he can use the excuse of a brain injury to cover his back?? He can't be carried on a silver platter for ever and I think it's high time he realised how lucky he is to have had you stand by him for so long when you could have easily have turned your back on him. Would he put up with it? Re hair - could you perhaps stretch to model night at local salon or training college? Group on type deal? Clothes-wise - maybe just a cheap Primani tshirt could liven up your wardrobe for the time being.

Hope you're feeling better by the time you read this or have won the lotto!!

please-let-me-be-lucky

Thank you so much everyone.

Re the hair, I get it done by the trainee and the salon so it's 'cheap', I just don't feel I can justify the £20 or so it costs. I know that's daft though as I'd pay it for one of the others at the drop of a hat. DH took a photo of me the other day and my roots are a totally different colour to the rest of my hair :eek:. Infact I actually look like that smiley!! Just not blue :rotfl:.

I will do another wardrobe cull and weigh it in, hopefully I will then have enough for a cheap top from Primarni or Mr A's etc.

Great idea re listening to meditation while trying to sleep.

SA, we have always been given a 3 year recovery time for the head injury, so I suppose that meant I've allowed him the 'illness' excuse thus far. It will be 2 years next month since the accident. That's not to say he will be fully recovered in a years time, more that whatever stage he is at then is how we can expect him to stay, as the brain won't recover any more. You are right though, at what point do I expect him to be responsible for his actions??

Stripes, you are the superstar not me!!

Unfortunately I didn't win the lotto. 2 piggin numbers!!!

Fortune_Smiles

Sorry to hear you're feeling low Lucky. If things aren't working out for me I take 10 minutes away from the melee to ask myself some questions about the situation so here's some I thought might be relevant for you:

• what might possibly need to change in order for the situation to improve?
• what could you possibly do to bring this about?
• who might be able to help you?
• what resources do you have that you could use?
• how realistic is this?
• when might you want this to happen by?
• if you had 30 minutes a day to yourself what might you do with that time?
• if you treated yourself as well as you treated others what might that mean?
• if you did one thing today to move you in the right direction, what might that be?

Please feel free to give these a stiff ignoring. Just make sure you ask for help when you need it - no man is an island, etc.

Fortune x