Real life MMD: My ex paid for the hol, should I keep the refund?

edited 17 April 2012 at 3:06PM in MoneySaving polls
195 replies 34.5K views


  • edited 18 April 2012 at 8:50AM
    fairynuffairynuf Forumite
    11 Posts
    edited 18 April 2012 at 8:50AM
    :eek:We all make mistakes especially at the start of new ralationships. Now just supposing this woman was going to be in debt for £1700 instead of in credit would she have a dilemma about accepting that? I think not. Self-respect honesty dignity is the way forward here.
  • nhampsonnhampson Forumite
    133 Posts
    Not yours to keep and never was.

    He is probably expecting a refund so would notice if it never arrived.

    He does seem "overly generous" so would be surprised that if you tell him the cheque has come to you in your name that he tells you to keep it.
    Opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one.
  • aaronb74aaronb74 Forumite
    20 Posts
    POPPYOSCAR wrote: »
    It is the last sentence that really gets me.........

    In other words 'I would be justified in doing this because he has got money and I have not.'


    Couldn't agree more. It's not the first time I've seen people on here trying to justify things by saying they're poorer than the other person ('My husband earns more than me, should he pay more of the household bills?' to name one). How much the ex or OP earns (or doesn't earn) is completely irrelevant.
    I would also say there's more to this dilemma than first appears. For instance, if he had bought her a piece of jewelery for the equivalent worth, would everyone claim it was also stealing for her to keep it, or even sell it? This appears worse because the holiday didnt occur- but you could argue it is similar to giving someone something of worth in the relationship and them cashing in on it afterwards.

    It's not really the same thing. As you say, the holiday didn't occur. First, it's for both of them, not just a gift for the OP. If comparing to buying a piece jewellery, it's more like the ex bought the jewellery (perhaps for an upcoming birthday) but they broke up before the event and the ex didn't give OP the present in the end.

    I agree with the majority of people. It's not your money so no you should not keep it. Being poor does not make you any more entitled to do so.
  • BNTBNT Forumite
    2.8K Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    The fact that you quote personal circumstances suggest that you already know the answer to this moral dilemma. The amounts involved, how rich or poor you are, etc. don't change the morality of taking what is not yours.

    The reason that you were listed as lead passenger was simply administrative. It would be different if you had been listed as lead passenger with the intention that you might benefit in some way.

    As with most of these MMDs, the obvious thing to do would be to tell your ex-boyfriend the situation and ask what he wants done with the money. Just try not to let on that you even thought that keeping it was an option.
  • absolutely not - wasn't your money and it seems you felt the holiday was jumping the gun anyway so why should you keep the refund when he was probably trying to do something nice for you all.
  • onesixfiveonesixfive Forumite
    456 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    No wonder his address is in a State of Flux as you put it - His weak finances will come about "getting carried away" as you put it spending £1,700 on a woman like you who he's been seeing for 8 weeks, then considers stealing from him after break-up...
    Return the cheque to the issuers with a covering letter and his details - the money isn't yours!
    Hopefully he will have learned his lesson.
  • jamespirjamespir Forumite
    21.5K Posts
    just because your unemployed does not give you a right to that money give it back you never know he may say to you go on have it
    Replies to posts are always welcome, If I have made a mistake in the post, I am human, tell me nicely and it will be corrected. If your reply cannot be nice, has an underlying issue, or you believe that you are God, please post in another forum. Thank you
  • chog24chog24 Forumite
    96 Posts
    Certainly not. Your circumstances compared to his circumstances are totally irrelevant. He paid for the holiday, so the money due back on cancellation is his, not yours.

    I agree with the person saying that you should return the cheque to the holiday company explaining the situation so that they can sort it out, thus avoiding awkward situations if you pay the cheque in and then have to pass the money on to him.
  • nzseries1nzseries1 Forumite
    2.2K Posts
    Of course not. What kind of question is that.
    You're spelling is effecting me so much. Im trying not to be phased by it but your all making me loose my mind on mass!! My head is loosing it's hair. I'm going to take myself off the electoral role like I should of done ages ago and move to the Caribean. I already brought my plane ticket, all be it a refundable 1.
  • As the holiday was booked via a website, surely it would have been paid for using a credit/debit card, therefore, the refund should be made to that?!

    Absolutely no way should you keep the money. You should only receive a refund of any monetary contribution you have made to the holiday, if none, then no money should come to you.

    I really cannot believe this question is even being asked. What an individual earns is irrelevent. My OH earns twice my salary but I always contribute half towards holidays.
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