How much child support?

Caroline_a

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

You seem to be missing the point here.

No one has a problem with him giving the required amount by the CSA. It is the fact that she is asking for more to cover the shortfall in her rent due to benefit changes.

Most of us do not have anyone else to look to when something like this happens, we have to move house, or cut down on other things.

She is very lucky to have a three bedroom house for herself and just one child, I know a family that have a child and are living in a one bed flat. And another family with two children living in a two bed place.

As for moving 200 miles just look at another thread where the father has been slated for doing such a thing.

No not missing the point, just making a different one. My point was that if the mother chooses to live in a 3 bed house then it is up to her as the NRP cannot dictate what she spends her money on If her sums don't add up, and the NRP is paying what he should then it is down to the mother to sort, not the NRP. I think we are arguing different sides of the same coin - I am saying that whatever she spends her money on is nothing to do with him, but equally she cannot expect him to make up the shortfall if her budget falls short.

However as far as the move goes - wouldn't you expect a single mother to want to be near family to support her? I am presuming that is why she has moved btw.

POPPYOSCAR

Caroline_a wrote: »

No not missing the point, just making a different one. My point was that if the mother chooses to live in a 3 bed house then it is up to her as the NRP cannot dictate what she spends her money on If her sums don't add up, and the NRP is paying what he should then it is down to the mother to sort, not the NRP. I think we are arguing different sides of the same coin - I am saying that whatever she spends her money on is nothing to do with him, but equally she cannot expect him to make up the shortfall if her budget falls short.

However as far as the move goes - wouldn't you expect a single mother to want to be near family to support her? I am presuming that is why she has moved btw.

I agree what she spends her money on is none of his business but by the same token it must be somewhat galling to be told she cannot afford the rent but is seen to be living 'beyond' her means and making the father feel guilty about the roof over his child's head.

As for moving so far away that is a difficult point. Some would say it is not fair on the child and father to be so far apart. But it does seem that mothers do not get slated for it but that fathers do.

Dasa

Marisco wrote: »

Agree with this, she does need to cut back! Why should he subsidise her lifestyle when she won't help herself! As to the guilt thing, my oh's ex did this, it's easy enough for folk to say that what she spends her money on has nowt to do with the NRP, but it does, when they are whining on that they cannot afford food for the kids, although full CSA is getting paid, along with all sorts of other extras!!

Who would be hard hearted enough to say "sod the kids let them starve"? Oh's ex tried this on until I went and bought a bag of food for her (this was end of tether time after months and months of hassle and nastyness!) It was the last time she tried that little trick!

Yep so right, kids need shoes, can't feed them, then flies off to Florida a couple of weeks later for three weeks. When solicitor asked how that was paid for told the 'boyfriend' paid for it.

alias*alibi

I agree that the NRP doesn't have a say in what the PWC does with their money, but I was married before to a man who had an autistic son and paid £380 a month maintenance each month (CSA 1) which was about 1/3rd of his income. His son regularly came to us in clothes which were too small, odd socks (once in girls ones) and looked dishevelled. His mother was married, her husband worked full time, she went on to have twin boys and adopting a girl whilst running a business from her home breeding German shepherds. So she must had been raking in the money but his son looked like he certainly came way down the list in her priorities. So it would appear that some women, no matter how much income they have don't seem to see it being spent on their kids as a priority.

Dasa

alias*alibi wrote: »

I agree that the NRP doesn't have a say in what the PWC does with their money, but I was married before to a man who had an autistic son and paid £380 a month maintenance each month (CSA 1) which was about 1/3rd of his income. His son regularly came to us in clothes which were too small, odd socks (once in girls ones) and looked dishevelled. His mother was married, her husband worked full time, she went on to have twin boys and adopting a girl whilst running a business from her home breeding German shepherds. So she must had been raking in the money but his son looked like he certainly came way down the list in her priorities. So it would appear that some women, no matter how much income they have don't seem to see it being spent on their kids as a priority.

Yea, my step-kids came to us on the morning of a wedding in jeans and dirty trainers with holes in. We had given her all the clothes we had bought and kept for them as spares when they were with us as she asked for them to take on holiday with her, didn't make that mistake again. For some women men are only a meal ticket.

alias*alibi

Dasa wrote: »

Yea, my step-kids came to us on the morning of a wedding in jeans and dirty trainers with holes in. We had given her all the clothes we had bought and kept for them as spares when they were with us as she asked for them to take on holiday with her, didn't make that mistake again. For some women men are only a meal ticket.

We also used to keep spare clothes at our house too. Sometimes he would come round with soiled pants caked in poo. We called his social worker about it but they did an announced check on him and couldn't find anything wrong. Well duh, don't announce your visits to her then you'll see the real problem. Muppets.

sausageface

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3796375

I don't usually go digging through posts but I did wonder why a "friend" would get so worked up about maintenance. Why didn't you just say from the start that YOU are the father?

Bluemeanie_2

sausageface wrote: »

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3796375

I don't usually go digging through posts but I did wonder why a "friend" would get so worked up about maintenance. Why didn't you just say from the start that YOU are the father?

This isn't necessarily true. The OP said the Father lived in his house for a while etc. In the thread you have posted the link too I could see no mention of children, just OH.

CH27

Well that explains the bitterness!

sausageface

My opinion nevertheless (as a PWC) is that the CSA rate is usually a very fair amount. If the child's mother is struggling, and you feel so mindeda maybe you could offer a temporary increase for a couple of months until she finds a more suitably priced home? That way you have done a good thing and she will not be made homeless if she cannot pay her rent and has plenty of time to sort herself out. BUT make it clear that the help stops after 2 months? Just an idea.

I actually take less than the CSA amount off my children's father as what he gives me is enough to do me and the children and I would rather he had more spare cash to treat the children and get himself straight after struggling unemployed almost a year.

When you are technically trying to fund part of 2 separate homes, and you don't personally feel the benefit of your child's home you are funding (I understand that the child does benefit etc.) it can be hard to differentiate how the PWC spends "your/your daughter's money". I don't have different pots in my house which I take hair/gas/electricity/children's and my new make up money from - all of my money is in my bank and whatever needs buying I will buy it? I have dropped my children off and their dad has given me their maintenance and then I have gone, say, the pub and spent it - it doesn't mean I have just spent my children's money - they will get what they need whatever and I will be getting that money out of my bank at some point be it for food, clothes, dinner money or packed lunches or tuck money or whatever else it is.

I hope it gets sorted amicably for everyone involved.