Advice / Support needed

ceegee

Gosh, Luis....that could be me talking! I can really understand how you feel yourself, but unfortunately not with regard to your other half, because I am on my own with my 2 teenage daughters and have been for 13 years. It has been and continues to be an almighty struggle and the thing that keeps me going is HOPE. Every New Year, I say to myself that this is going to be the year when it all goes right and every year so far, it hasn't! This year, I've had to replace the car, the fridge, had roofing repairs to contend with and had a flood from a burst pipe in the kitchen. This has left me overdrawn at the bank, which is the first time ever and I DO NOT LIKE IT. However, I continue to HOPE that things will be better and am beginning to see that things could actually be a lot worse. I have my beautiful daughters, we have a home and a car and I have a job which I quite enjoy. We have (admittedly old and worn, but clean!) clothes on our backs and food on the table. Anything else would be a bonus.

My feelings are that you need to try really hard to change the way that you perceive things. Relish and love what you have got...glory in it, even. I certainly do, but it has taken time and a lot of positive effort. You CAN do it, Luis. Also, think how happy it will make your OH when he sees you blossoming into a beautiful, positive and lively person.

Please try really hard, Luis....it will make such a difference to you both. I am sending you some very positive vibes to help you.........

Nelski

Hi Luis

Fantastic book on this subject Luis is Being Happy by Andrew Mathews.
The way we think positive or negative is really just a habit that we have got into over our lives. I remember my mum used to say to me when I was a kid that its always best to think the worst and then you will never be disappointed! Great intentions but for a long time that was how I thought you should think. The good news is, is that you are in control of your own thoughts and if you can get into the habit of hearing your own inner voice and switching the words it can have a dramatic effect on the way you feel.
It also sounds a bit cheesy but there is the Pollyanna technique which is to write down the things in your life that you are "glad" about. Even if you dont seem to have that many you will find when you throw your thinking focus there you realise that there is a lot in your life to be positive about.
Have a happy Easter
:A

mightymo_2

I am constantly reading books to help me be positive about life. I find it works for me, but I do need to keep doing it. Luckily I have a very positive partner which does help.

I would recommend these books (these are ones I have read and re-read many times!)

You Can if you Think you Can by Norman Vincent Peale (Christian)
The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale (Christian)
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff by Richard Carlson
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie

and the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series for quick dips. (There are many different ones ie. Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul etc)

I got all of these off Amazon.

I hope this helps.

Mo x

deemy2004

let's all pray for positive thinking

aliasojo

Or chocolate!

Oh sorry....wrong thread.

nearlyrich

I used to feel negative about my life, things had been tough and I was looking for someone to blame. I can't remember exactly what sparked the change but about 15 years ago I sat down and drew up a 5 year plan, I took full responsibility for my life. I acheived everything on my plan and more and I still set goals for myself because if you don't know what you want how will you know when you've got it? Some are big goals and others are really insignificant but they matter to me and that's what's important.

When it comes to happiness it is your job to make yourself happy, no-one else is responsible for that. I don't mean you should be totally selfish but look at the things in your life which make you unhappy, including people, and decide for yourself how you are going to change it around so you are happy.

For example if you are unhappy in your job think about what job would make you happy and investigate how you can get the job you want. Be realistic but also be prepared to step outside your comfort zone to get to where you want to be.

Don't worry about what other people think about you and what you do, don't get upset if people criticise you, easier said than done I know. No-one has the right to question your actions. You could ask how they would do it better but don't feel you have to do what they say if it's not right for you.

Understand the life isn't "fair" some people seem to get more than their share of "bad luck" whilst others sail through life without problems. You never really know what someone else's life is like unless you are living it. Someone who seems assertive and confident might be feeling unsure and being "bossy" is their way of covering up.

Always act in a friendly way smile at people and talk to them whenever you get a chance. If you always expect a little but give a lot you will rarely be disappointed and often you will be pleasantly surprised.

These are things that work for me, I wouldn't dream of saying it's easy to change negative into positive for everyone, lots of factors are involved in the way people think. Hope it works for you too:)

Luis

Thankyou KD and Ceegee - you have no idea how much it means to me that there is support and understanding out there. Especially when it comes from people who have 'been there' and know where I am coming from - much apreciated.

I am going to take everyone's ideas and suggestions on board and try to make a real efort to change.

Thanks,

Luis x

Luis

Awwww - thanks you guys!

I really appreciate the messages of support and advice, and I am going to work really hard on trying to make a change. It is going to be hard trying to undo a lifetime of negative reinforcement and messgaes though.

Sometimes I do manage, and things will go OK for a while - but then a knock happens, and it just kicks the legs out from under me. I suppose I have to remember that I always have got back up again, and can do again.

I am going to hunt down the books recommended - I have found the Susan Jeffers one ' Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' really helpful in the past, so I am well open to these ideas.

I agree with the comments that faith must be a great comfort, and truly wish that this was something to which I could relate - maybe time will help with this, as sometimes I find it hard to believe in myself, let alone any thing else. I have genuinely thought it must be nice to have this rock in your life.

My worst thing is that I tend to 'nurse' hurtful comments and carry them around - and probably let myself get too affected by them. this is a real area to work on for me.

I am so grateful for people's support and advice - keep it coming, it is making a difference in every way.

Thanks,

Luis x

MrsMW

Hi Luis
I have not much to add to all the other good advice, I know how hard it can be to stay positive but I find that if I allow myself half an hour a day to worry and feel sorry for myself, I can stay happy the rest of the time. I have found a great way of dealing with hurtful comments, I sit down with a piece of paper and write my replies, really nasty and full of rude words sometimes. I then shred the paper, but I feel soooo much better.
Good luck and enjoy the weekend. x

SnowyOwl_2

Hi there Luis

Negative thinking is usually just a bad habit! It doesn't have to be this way - it's possible to train yourself to think positively...or at the very least to look at things in both a negative and a positive way and choose.

Like MightyMo I've gained lots of guidance from self-help type books. The two I found the most helpful were:

Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers

The other is called Stop Thinking and Start Living by Richard Carlson. I bought this because I read an interview with Julian Cleary and he recommended it to help himself get through some negative vibes. I think it's good enough to recommend to you in turn.

Edit: I see you posted while I was writing this: The Susan Jeffers one is a bit "American" in parts however if you can accept the overall theme then it'll definitely make a big difference. BTW the author Susan Jeffers had breast cancer and a masectomy in the past. She doesn't dwell on this at all though she draws on it to illustrate what she means by some of her advice.

The Thinking/Living one is shorter - when I read the first couple of chapters I thought what a load of old tosh...but by half way through I started changing my mind (literally!)...and on the second reading it rang very true.