Keep Going Backwards - please help

Hovel_lady

daysie wrote: »

thanks so much guys, i don't feel so alone now, started on SOA last night, mammoth task, but will be worth it I am sure.
Have also been thinking about my general spending habits - even without the SOA i think that what i have a tendency to do is to be thrifty when i have no money and then forget to be quite so thrifty when money comes in and have a little splurge on things like nice (but not so cheap) facecream, an extra takeaway, costa coffee, a new book etc.
I am sure I will find more discrepancies once the SOA is done.

Do you keep a spending diary?
If you don't do start one. It'll show you exactly where the money is going.
Nothing wrong with a little splurge as long as it's in the budget and you can afford it.
Look foward to seeing your SOA

debbiedebt

Hi Daysie
I read your opening post and it could have been written by me!! OH self employed, one daughter still at home and although I have made some massive changes to my spending pattern the debts are only going down slowly because like you my thriftyness is selective. We are not able to get any 0% cards. You will see from my signature that I am tackling one debt at a time while paying the minimum on the others.
I have promised myself that as of now I will meal plan and not spend one unnecessary penny except for giving myself a small weekly allowance so that I can have a Costa or a book if I want.
I have joined the Clothes Challenge on here and am not buying any new clothes this year - I have given myself a £250 allowance for the year for essentials.
Have you read Frugal Queen's blog it's an inspiration - just google frugal queen.
I have subscribed to your thread.

Good Luck
Debs

daysie_2

thanks DD! oh i'm so glad I decided to 'come out' :-)
I've enough to get my head round with the SOA at the moment but will look into the Clothes Challange and take a look at the blog you mention.
I am quite good at meal planning and using leftovers, but due to time contraints it goes out the window sometimes. You are right about planning for small treats.
((deep breath))

debbiedebt

Cyber "coming out" is great then you can just get on with it in real life.
I'm exactly the same with the food all goes well until I'm late home from work and then cba to cook.
I'm chaining myself to the cooker from now on!!!!!!!

monday_blues

Hi Daysie, Can I just say you sound like me 3 or 4 years ago, and I really sympathise. Hubby and I are still together but we went through the most awful time together which could have split us. I am no expert, as still in a financial mess, but I would definitely say family and "living" has to be a priority over tackling debt, and while my advice might not be for everyone, I kinda wished I hadnt done everything to avoid a course of action like a DMP, IVA, as all these years later it has become clearly evident that we couldn't continue to live the way we were, and the very action we wanted to avoid, we have now embarked on. Not saying its right, but although £10 here and there towards debts is always something and shows you're trying, for us it didnt dent it enough and eventually the card companies put their rates up anyway and we were snookered. All I'm trying to say is find the balance between the people you love and repaying these debts, as life passes by all too quickly. If we had done this 5 years ago, we'd be out the other side now, but hey ho, you live and learn !!!

FireWyrm

"When eating elephants, proceed one bite at a time".

1) Start with an SOA
2) in order to do an SOA, you would have got 6 months of statements from your bank and analysed the heck out of them. You need to know EXACTLY where every penny has gone and on what. Categorise your spending (as far as possible) into rough groups like 'cash withdrawal', 'DD','Groceries/Food', 'Petrol' etc. You will clearly start to see where you have overspent and what needs to give.
3) Dollars to donuts, you are spending lots on 'incidental' shops each month
4) Find out how much each CC is costing you in real terms and figure out which are the highest. Hit those first.
5) Anything to sell? Ebay is your friend. Gold is good.
6) Investigate money generating schemes of any sort right down to 'rent-a-room' and shifts in McDonalds. Steer clear of the old 'work from home and get paid stupid money' scams because they are just that, but home selling such as Avon is OK.
7) Start writing to your creditors and explain the situation. DMP companies do nothing you couldnt do yourself. Get them to agree a repayment plan and then stick to it. You'll be suprised how lenient most lenders actually are if they are aware of the stress you are under.
8) In the short term, move all debt onto the cheapest possible vehicle such as a 0% card if you can. That'll stop the leak until you find your feet.
9) Analyse your food spend...my guess is that it's way higher than you think and start a spending diary. Most people seem to think it's just an exercise, but its actually an invaluable tool which will ultimately ratchet you out of this mess if you are disciplined enough to keep it going.
10) Get your hubby to produce receipts for any spend on his credit card just like he was a real business. He'll have to justify each payment and it HAS to reconcile with the statement. Any suspect spends are going to generate an argument, but you cant afford hidden leaks in the lifeboat right now. Get a grip on it.
11) Once you have an idea of the scale of the problem, you can start to formulate ways of tackling it. What can you cut? What can you re-arrange? What can you sell to make more money? What can you make instead of buy etc. You need to generate a realistic budget that you can stick to and THEN be ruthless. You run out of milk, you do without - or, you bought dried for just this eventuality and it came out of the budget.
12) While we're not all that worried about spending money, buy or borrow some cook books. I guarantee you can make almost everything you would normally buy and for a fraction of the cost. Start reading about growing, pickling, jamming, brewing etc.
13) Most banks have the facility to text message you your balance daily. It's usually a nominal cost like £2.50 a month or free if you pay for your account. Sign up immediately. You need to know what your balance is day in day out. We all talk about 'no spend' days, but you can actually see this happening by using the text facility. I dont get texts on the days that no money was spent. Everytime it hits 0930 in the morning and I know the daily text isnt comming, it's a little win and makes me feel good for the day - just like the nicorette advert.
14) Penny jars and budget pots. Start putting all your change in them, no matter how small. It adds up. Those are your 'screw it, I'm having a takeaway and I'm not going to feel guilty about it' pots.
15) Put at least £30 a month into a savings account like ING where you cannot get to it. Dont be tempted to cheat because there's method in the madness. Come December, you'll have £270, that's Christmas sorted for you. Dont buy large presents this year, make or craft what you can and give token gifts. For instance, this easter just gone is a big thing with my inlaws. We usually give some sort of present. I made a dozen muffins and 4 fresh baked bread rolls for them and wrapped them in a wicker basket and stuck some cheap easter stickers on it. They were really pleased.
16) Ditch the TV and go freeview if you can. There's nothing much on anyway and if you do happen to want to watch something, you can quite legitimately buy the box set for a fraction of the monthly rental cost of SKY. You can do it guilt free too because you 'would' have spent the Sky subscription anyway. Think about taking up a craft. I'm a professional person and by the end of the day, I never want to see another computer. I took up crochet to keep me occupied and I get a great sense of achievement out of making something beautiful. I provided new hats and scarves for my daughters last year which were far better quality than anything I could buy. Several people commented on them and there were 3 additional orders out of it. Kept me busy for a couple of weekends...easy money.

That's enough to be going on with I think. Above all else, dont let what you cant change bother you. There is no point obsessing, you're just making yourself ill and if you do manage to cause a nervous breakdown, you'll be no use to anyone. Instead, make each day a challenge. Dont think about the end of the month or next month for that matter, just get through today. Do all you can to ensure you dont spend a single penny more than you absolutely have to and concentrate on getting rid of the smaller/expensive debts first.

daysie_2

thanks for all your suggestions
1. am doing that this week
2. have got those to hand
3. probably right
4. have that to hand too
5. have pretty much sold everything i can, not a lot left that is worth much but will have another look (i dont have jewellery). Am running london marathon in a couple of weeks so some car boot stuff has gone towards fundraising.
6. no spare rooms at the moment and already work full time while running house and training but will give it more thought!
7. will look into that once SOA done
8. have done that as much as i can already but will try again
9. yep good idea
10. hmm, that will be fun, have had trouble getting reciepts for years!
11. yes, have done this before but i think the problem is sticking to it and being ruthless!
12. have cook books and already cook most meals from scratch.
13. see if mine has it
14. now thats a good idea
15. keep trying to put some away but i never seem to have any spare and if i do, along comes a one off expense (last one was tyres - 2 part worns from local scrap yard £50)
16. yes this is def happening once at the end of the contract (think its May)
crafts are great, i love make do and mend, all my furniture is second hand - most of the home improvements used stuff from ebay - biggest bargain a conservatory for £56!
Thanks to everyone for help and support so far - will be taking it one step at a time. looks like my main problem is hubby!:o

daysie_2

just read my last post and worried it will come across as too flippant! - sorry if it does - i am really grateful for everyones suggestions and have already made a start.
Will post SOA when i have completed it

FireWyrm

I didnt read it as flippant. I read it as that you had seen and considered my points and then replied.

Coco114

Hi Daysie
My heart went out to you when I read your story - it must be very difficult for you both at the moment but try to keep smiling.
There are some amazing people on here with very sound advise , sometimes obvious things that you can't see yourself.
I wish you all the very best & will subscribe to your thread , you will get there with the helpful advice you will get on here.
I am only just starting on my debt free journey (which is currently running at about 89 years ) but feel so much better talking to the guys on here - every one is in the same boat to a lesser or greater extent.
Good luck.
Coco x