Keep Going Backwards - please help

daysie_2

I know that all the answers are on here somewhere but am going round in circles so much I can't think straight.
have been following MSE for several years now and trying to do the right thing, but what with one thing and another I just keep ending up back where I was or worse.
Its got to the point now where its all affecting my marriage and causing stress to both myself and my husband.
I will try to explain further.
We have been struggling with debt for years, and no matter what i do it seems that i cannot make the changes stick, or stick for long enough, or make any difference.One of the main problems is I think that my husband is self employed as a Handyman/Builder and has been for the last 10 years after we both were made redundant (that was hard) - the first 7 years working for his brother in law who didnt pay him enough, the last 3 years completely by himself, but unfortunately he is not a natural businessman although he tries his best. I never know how much money is going to come in and when from his business and I struggle from one week to the next as to whether we will have enough to cover all the bills. My wages are what i would consider pretty good (i get £21 K a year) but not enough to cover all bills, and so I am always waiting for money to come in to pay some. consequently we occasionally get bank charges and late fees.
I have tried over the years to do all the right things, transferring expensive debt to cheaper debt, not spending on credit cards and transferring to 0% cards, changing utilities, getting the cheapest deals on insurance, etc etc but we don't seem to be any better off now than we were 10 years ago.
In our household, my husband is the worst with money, he will freely admit that, and so i am responsible for all the household money, and my husbands business accounts (and advertising, website etc), and so I am doing a lot of juggling back and forth all the time, I never stop thinking about money, and how much we have or havent got.
If my husband had work every day he would tunover about £25K a year but he doesnt always have work every day, he usually has work about 2 weeks ahead and not much further. plus i have to deduct tax and expences off that
I have an old debt of £8K from an old business that i had to close about 20 years ago, and am paying off at £65 a month. We have re-mortgaged a few times to do the following: pay off the first large tax bill my husband had, extend the house as my daughters were growing up, do further home improvements.
I have taken loans out when my husband started self employment to get a van, equipment etc and also further home repairs totalling £15K which have hardly gone down since and which is costing £300 a month
We have credit card debt totalling about £20K (some from years ago) which never seems to go down. I keep transferring balances and trying to pay off more than the minimum but it seems like we have just ended up with the same amount of debt spread over more cards. I also try to make sure none are used and try to save some money but then i get something come along like an £800 vet bill (yes i should have taken out pet insurance/had the cat put down instead, etc etc but too late once the bill is in) and the only way to pay it is on a credit card. My husband needs to keep a card running to get every day stuff like petrol and use for the business but i have a job keeping on top of that one especially as i have no control over his spending. He has tried being without one but then has to ask me for cash which i cant always provide as i am juggling money as previously mentioned and don't know when he will have some coming in!
soon i will need to spend out on the car and his van (both old and knackered) either extensive repairs or replacement vehicles, and god knows where that will come from. Also hubby will need expensive dental work soon at about £800 which he cannot get on denplan as he had something go wrong just before we were due to sign up for it and it won't cover (yes i know we could go nhs but after seeing an nhs dentist he was told the work will be £750 and that 'no dentist would do the work for the amount the nhs charges')
other things: We never go out, treats include the occasional fish and chips in a month and a bottle of cheap wine or two a week
I don't go to a gym, go running instead, and walk the dog. We get £150 a month rent off the remaining daughter at home who is hardly ever in so it seems unfair to charge her more.
we do indulge in a weeks holiday a year (perhaps we should knock that on the head?) but we stay at a friends apartment in france (cheaply), get the eurotunnell courtesy of tesco clubcard, and the main expense is petrol to drive there. Then we spend the week hiking - not jet setting at all!
Both of us take lunches to work we don't buy any. I buy everything second hand if i can, make stuff rather than buy it if i can, hubby does all maintenance work around the house, i make a menu and shopping list before i go shopping, buy clothes from matalan, tesco and oxfam (if i buy any at all) etc etc, not sure what else i can do, the only thing left is to go freeveiw once the virgin media contract runs out next month.
I don't know if i have included all info that will explain everything but my head is spinning trying to think of it all.
The stress is starting to affect my marriage (sex life non-existent, arguments, stopped talking about money etc) and my work (can't concentrate). And I don't know where to start sorting it all out as obviously i am hopeless at it. I don't know where all the money goes honestly but it obviously goes somewhere as we never have any, most of it thrown away on credit cards etc i think.
Just need some help, as have no-one else to ask, please can someone offer me some advice that might help put things on the right track?

savingmummy

The best thing you can start to do is gathering EVERY bill/debt and all the information regarding APR`s and putting it all into a SOA. This will give you a very clear picture of incomings and outgoings http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Then once you`ve done that post it here if you wish to for people to advise.

daysie_2

thanks, i should do that i know.
I will try to get that done this week, will have to sit hubby down as i don't always know what he is spending on a regular basis.

daysie_2

question - how do i enter hubbys income as it varies?

savingmummy

I would put down the average he brings home and go by that!

Make sure you include everything, you really need to know what your hubby is spending too.
You may beable to make some big cut backs on unwanted direct debits, subscriptions etc.
Hopefully your hubby will get his lightbulb moment once he sees it all on a SOA.

daysie_2

thankyou for your help already, just having someone reply is a big thing, I think it doesnt help when you feel you are trying to sort it on your own. I have already cut back a lot in recent years, gone back to glasses from contacts, don't buy magazines - i ask for subscriptions for christmas, don't buy books but go to the library, contract phone was cheaper than payg, gone through all the direct debits etc etc. am trying but there must be lots i am missing.

Hovel_lady

Hi daysie and welcome to MSE :hello:

As savingmummy says get togther a SOA and then post it here so we can help.
As Martin says...

No debt problems are unsolvable. It mightn't be easy or quick, but there's always a route.

Remember you're not alone - there's plenty of lovely people on here who will be able to help you
xx

daysie_2

thank you, will come back with the SOA this week (might take a couple of days)

warwicktiger

I would try going through all the bank and card statements, will help pick up any bills you overlook

savingmummy

Aww i know how your feeling, as we all do!
Once you have everything gathered in front of you and your put everything in to a SOA you will see whats happening.
IF it is showing you should have x amount left each month but in reality you don`t then you will need to start a spending diary or start keeping receipts etc.
Those little £2-5 a day spends at the local shops add up over the weeks/months.
It could be your hubby has a few spending habits you dont know about so all this needs to be discussed and a few cutbacks to help along the way.

A SOA is a hard and stressful thing to do if done properly, even harder if income varies, BUT it will be worth it SO definately take your time so you know you have it 100& correct.

We will help you out by advising how you could cut back so don`t feel alone. We`ve all been there, most of us still are.
Its good your doing something about it so well done xx

daysie_2

thanks so much guys, i don't feel so alone now, started on SOA last night, mammoth task, but will be worth it I am sure.
Have also been thinking about my general spending habits - even without the SOA i think that what i have a tendency to do is to be thrifty when i have no money and then forget to be quite so thrifty when money comes in and have a little splurge on things like nice (but not so cheap) facecream, an extra takeaway, costa coffee, a new book etc.
I am sure I will find more discrepancies once the SOA is done.