friendship issue- have we been unreasonable to them? sorry its long

gary_d_a

Hi all, hoping you can help with an issue that has been brewing for a while.

As a bit of background my name is Gary and my fiancee is Cheryl, everyone else involved has had their names changed but anyway on with the story.

I met my friend James in 2004 i think when we started working together and soon after Mick joined us, we were all friends and were still in very regular contact after I left in 2006. The only hiccup we had was when my best friend Simon and his girlfriend of the time Natalie broke up and she went out with a guy called Chris, one night playing poker at Mick's house he said some unsavory things about Simon but soon after they broke up, she got back with Simon and they get married soon.

Mick and Lisa get married next week but to be honest its not a wedding I am looking forward to, Lisa came into our lives in 2008, we were aware of her as someone in Mick's life but that was it, they started going out and all was ok, she wasnt a huge fan of Natalie and soon after they stopped meeting up with the group and kept in touch with me and James seperatly. Natalie always said she knew Lisa didnt like her, we put it down to a disagreement between women and didnt get involved, rightly or wrongly.

In 2009 I dated one of Lisa's best friends from school, her name was Zoe and we ended up going our seperate ways, she told me some things which turned out to be lies and within 4 weeks of everything ended she was pregnant by someone else, we never slept together so no risk of it being mine. Zoe is invited to the wedding alongside her now fiancee Dave.

Lisa changed a lot with me when I got with Cheryl, when we got together she was making it very clear with Mick that she wanted a proposal and because he knew he wasnt going to get the long engagement he wanted he didnt propose at that time. We had all moved into houses, money was tight and they would criticise where I lived and as soon as Cheryl was on the scene they wanted to meet her but even before meeting her they were awful with her. Cheryl was not long out of hospital after a major operation and Lisa was pressuring me to go round to theirs with her, Cheryl heard what was said and felt she was being criticised and pressured (which to be fair is true of Lisa's manor in general) I went alone and I got criticised too.

They saw us less and less, the following summer (about a year ago) Lisa and Mick had been engaged about 2-3 months, when we announced our engagement, everyone was so happy except them, criticising us on text and questioning on facebook how long we had been together and known eachother.
Since then I have seen Mick once, after that I got ill and turned down an invite for a lads night out, I was still going back and forward for tests and scans, when the wedding invites were being dished out, Mick stayed in the car and even his regular jokes by text stopped.
While we were on holiday James was invited round to see Lisa and Mick, wedding talk came up and Lisa said that ''we really want Gary to come and we are invited Cheryl so he comes'' there is no issue with a limited number of guests, they have about 130 day guests :eek:

I havent seen Lisa for a while either, she invited me round as she had wedding magazines to give to us, it was at that point we are on the bottom table of all of the day guests, along with Mick's parent's neighbours, it seems like we have been punished for something that we dont even know if we have done. what do you lot all think? sorry its so long

xbrenx

Oh I'm sorry, you lost me at the second paragraph, too many names to remember who did what to whom and why.

Skimming to the last paragraph, I've always thought there's a top table and then the rest of the tables, how can you be on the bottom table?

gary_d_a

the layout has a top table at one end and as the numbers go along the tables are further away, we are at the far end of the room

gary_d_a

xbrenx wrote: »

Oh I'm sorry, you lost me at the second paragraph, too many names to remember who did what to whom and why.

Skimming to the last paragraph, I've always thought there's a top table and then the rest of the tables, how can you be on the bottom table?

Gary and Cheryl= us
Mick and Lisa= couple that prompted the thread
James= friend of all of us
Simon and Natalie= My best friend and his fiancee

pinkladyof66

my gosh i thought it was one of those puzzles in a box form whereby you have to tick off things and then through elimation work out who done what. Lost me on 2nd sentence. Sorry

Toothfairy4

Why are you even going? If someone said to my DH that they had invited me basically to make him come, not because they want me there, neither of us would be going anywhere near it.

I also got a bit lost, but could it be that Lisa doesn't like Cheryl because you used to go out with her friend and have found someone new?

TBH they sound like total children and I wouldn't be getting involved with them or any of their drama...

Toothfairy4

gary_d_a wrote: »

the layout has a top table at one end and as the numbers go along the tables are further away, we are at the far end of the room

I wouldn't seeit like this as when we got married we certainly didn't seat the people we liked best closest and those we like least furthest away. We invited the people we wanted there, everyone was happy apart from one of DH's so called 'friends' who threw a strop becuase he felt he should be in the wedding party. He was promptly told to grow up or not bother coming (which he didn't in the end).

gary_d_a

Its very tempting to cut our losses and watch the grand national instead, we have bought them a wedding present but what can you do.

I have thought about not going at all but Lisa would aim so much venom at us and especially Cheryl over it, at the end of the day I would be willing to not bother and suggest James does the same, how he gets treated is a whole other thread.

Lisa defends Zoe's actions more than I am comfortable with, but there doesnt seem much I can do about that

mountainofdebt

So are you saying Mick and Lisa are getting married and although have invited you and your fiancee to the wedding you are showing off because you're (literally) on the bottom table?

This is not withstanding it appears you and your fiancee have very little time for the bride and vice versa.

This sounds like a friendship that has run its course but neither party has the balls to call time on it.

Personally (if I've read the situation right) you should have had the manners to decline the invite........at £40 a head I would be mighty naffed off if you decided not to go so unfortunately you're going to have to lump it.

Oh and changing names other than yours won't protect the innocent.

Toothfairy4

mountainofdebt wrote: »

So are you saying Mick and Lisa are getting married and although have invited you and your fiancee to the wedding you are showing off because you're (literally) on the bottom table?

I thought he was annoyed because they are on the furthest table away?

gary_d_a

Toothfairy4 wrote: »

I wouldn't seeit like this as when we got married we certainly didn't seat the people we liked best closest and those we like least furthest away. We invited the people we wanted there, everyone was happy apart from one of DH's so called 'friends' who threw a strop becuase he felt he should be in the wedding party. He was promptly told to grow up or not bother coming (which he didn't in the end).

I hope I have got the wrong end of the stick, I didnt understand seating plans when our venue told us about their suggested ones, when Lisa offered to show me her completed one I thought no harm in it, Cheryl was working a late and I was given owed time so I thought I would go over.

Top table the usual, bride, groom, bridesmaids, groomsmen, parents of each.

next tables down- close family that arent on top table.

next few tables- her friends, bunch of people we have never heard of

our table- me, Cheryl, James and would you believe Mick's parents neighbours.

Your table layout seems a lot better than theirs, but hey maybe I am looking into it too deeply, after telling Cheryl and James where we were they both joked we are virtually sat in the car park :rotfl: