How did you decide on a third Child?

luxor4t

Turned around one day and realised that two kids were fine but three would be better.
Never regretted having him - frequently regretted being broke* but number three was the big adventure of my life. 3 kids in 5 years - a deaily adrenalin rush.

I was more confident when he was a baby, I made sure I treasured the moments rather than endured them, did the whole "babies don't keep" thing rather than flogging myself to be super-mummy (job, tidy house etc etc).
Still wish we'd had four now ...!

* money was more-than-tight; never had enough arms; we really struggled to find a car we could afford that fitted 2 car seats plus a booster cushion; getting self, buggy & 3 kids onto the bus was a nightmare; couldn't ever go on holiday & MIL thought I was sex-mad (charming woman btw, I've never met a nicer puff adder) but he was worth it.

Spendless

I went thru a very brief period of desiring a 3rd child. After a few weeks/couple of months that desire went away and has never returned. What made me not want one was

I dislike being pregnant -our 1st pregnancy went wrong and was terminated due to abnormalities and I can't relax.

I have to have C-sections and my 2 have been under GA.

I have a boy and a girl and wondered about the 3rd being a boy, so the same sex kids would have largest gap.

DS was 5 when I even considered this, and a 7 year gap between me and my own sibling made me swear I'd never do the same.

We have a 3 bed house, so it meant either space shared, moving or an extension - so either more expensive mortgage or less room.

I have several friends with 3 kids and had seen how expensive 3x everything was (3x swimming lesson, 3 x rides on fairground, 3 x school dinners and so on).

If none of the above had been an issue, I might have gone for it.

neneromanova

Yeah the other drawback we are thinking is going on holiday. It's got to cost a hell of a lot yeah? But I suppose the child makes up for no holidays in how lovely it would be...(hopefully)

sarymclary

I'd always had it in my head we'd have a large family. I had 2 boys, born less than 2yrs apart, then life got in the way and we had a stint of living abroad, jobs changing, etc. Once we were back in the UK, life was more settled, and No.3 just happened, without us really planning for it. It was a happy surprise, and I wasn't bothered at all what sex he/she was. The only fly in the ointment was that I had to have a CS due to an unstable lie of the baby. Son #3 arrived into a very welcoming family, and his older 2 brothers adored him from the very start. He was also a really calm baby, so taking him along with us everywhere was never a problem, and we were actually loathe to have anyone else ever have him, unlike the older 2 who were frequently off to stay with relatives.

It did prompt us to move house, to a larger house, and the supermini car we'd bought the week before I found out I was pregnant proved somewhat impractical I can tell you.

Son #4 on the other hand, was a complete surprise, and threw my husband more than me initially. In my head we were always destined to have 4 anyway, it was one of our very first conversations together when we met that we both wanted 4 children. Hubby insisted we had to move to a larger house again, which wasn't really necessary I thought, so added stress to the family, but we did move house when I was about 5 months pregnant to a larger house. Husband was working in a very well paid job at the time, so we were able to afford to do so, and had already invested in our 2nd MPV with baby #3.

I have to say boys #3 & #4 have been absolutely delightful, and from my point of view my little rays of sunshine from the moment they were born, and best of all, the boys are all best friends too.

Savvy_Sue

neneromanova wrote: »

I loved being Pregnant and having a newborn.

But do remember ...

pinkclouds wrote: »

a third child who is going to become a third teen and then a third adult child.

Not to mention a 3rd two year old ...

Honestly, I reckon the rot sets in when you introduce solids. I might still be having babies if they didn't all grow into two year olds, and I did wonder if I'd like them any better when I didn't have a baby as well. Turns out I didn't.

My babies are now 20, 22 and 24, and they're fine now, most of the time - or is that just because they're not at home most of the time any more? :rotfl:

Spendless wrote: »

I have several friends with 3 kids and had seen how expensive 3x everything was (3x swimming lesson, 3 x rides on fairground, 3 x school dinners and so on).

And then there's the day trips, especially once they're no longer 'children': we went to a stately home today and paid £72 for 8 of us to go in! :eek: :eek: :eek: And that was with 2 x student and 2 OAP concessions.

izoomzoom

It was the 2nd line on my pregancy test that decided it for me (well after the shock had worn off 3 days later).

We wouldn't be without our third child. We had two boys previously and although I didn't find out the sex, it was an opportunity for me to do all the things that I didn't do with the boys pregnancies / births and toddler years.

DD was born at home, almost in the birthing pool, I've changed careers so that now I am a SAHM (but also working from home) and our lives are so much happier and fun now.

Finances were really tight during ML but we survived and we are so much happier (have I said that again )

TeamLowe

neneromanova wrote: »

Yeah the other drawback we are thinking is going on holiday. It's got to cost a hell of a lot yeah? But I suppose the child makes up for no holidays in how lovely it would be...(hopefully)

This is probably a lighthearted comment, but I'm the youngest of three so just wanted to say that trust me, the child will pick up on any hint that they have anything to live up to/make up for what you have sacrificed for them

I've always lived with the impression tat I had to be better/achieve more as I was an accident but mum would never admit that as tbh I don't think she was doing it consciously. She didnt even admit i was an accident til recently but yet ive known it all my life, before i could even work out how small the gap between me and middle sister was. Pressure is only off now I'm married

neneromanova

TeamLowe wrote: »

This is probably a lighthearted comment, but I'm the youngest of three so just wanted to say that trust me, the child will pick up on any hint that they have anything to live up to/make up for what you have sacrificed for them

I've always lived with the impression tat I had to be better/achieve more as I was an accident but mum would never admit that as tbh I don't think she was doing it consciously. She didnt even admit i was an accident til recently but yet ive known it all my life, before i could even work out how small the gap between me and middle sister was. Pressure is only off now I'm married

Oh I didn't mean it in a way that they will be made to make us happy, I meant in a way that we could always go on a less expensive holiday (like to the lake district, as we probably couldn't afford abroad or something) but they would all be loved equally

Sorry if that didn't make sense.

lilymay1

Just to add another perspective.

There's a lot of talk about how you would cope with a 3rd baby, but would you be able to cope with potentially loosing him/her either at the end of a pregnancy or just after birth? I know it's a bit morbid, but something that everyone really should consider.
My first pregnancy ended in m/c and my second ended with my little girl passing away at 3 days old. Stillbirth and neonatal death are surprisingly common and coming to terms with it is hard enough without 2 other children to look after.

That said, you can't live in fear so good luck with whatever you decide.

neneromanova

lilymay1 wrote: »

Just to add another perspective.

There's a lot of talk about how you would cope with a 3rd baby, but would you be able to cope with potentially loosing him/her either at the end of a pregnancy or just after birth? I know it's a bit morbid, but something that everyone really should consider.
My first pregnancy ended in m/c and my second ended with my little girl passing away at 3 days old. Stillbirth and neonatal death are surprisingly common and coming to terms with it is hard enough without 2 other children to look after.

That said, you can't live in fear so good luck with whatever you decide.

That's such a lovely thought. Thanks for that. lol.

To be honest, I'm one of those who wouldn't know how I'd feel until it actually happened to me. No point in dwelling on something that could never happen to me and getting myself worked up over. But I have a strong family support around that if that ever happened I'd like to think that they would be there to help me through it. I'm quite a strong person though which is good.