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My 13 YO daughter has a greedy friend, what would you do?
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DD has a lovely group of friends and this group has been fairly consistent for 5 years now except for one. She was totally picky over what she ate, always off sick and was generally a pain in the posterior. One of the group stayed very loyal to her throughout until finally even she had enough. Now the girl goes to a different school where her emotional and educational needs are properly met and the rest of the group all get on very well now.
So maybe just play the waiting game & use the tactics others have suggested if she comes over again.Truth always poses doubts & questions. Only lies are 100% believable, because they don't need to justify reality. - Carlos Ruiz Zafon, The Labyrinth of the Spirits0 -
I'm sort of similar to this girl... not in the way of taking money, but I like to have my own things and get a fair share. I think it's some kind of compulsion or something, because I for some reason get panicky if someone's going to take my 'share' of something.
This girl seems to be quite the opposite though. With the easter egg for example, the other girls shared their eggs with her but she took her whole egg home for herself, seems she got quite a bit more than her 'share'.Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear0 -
Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »Eh? Teaching a 13 year old anything is beyond your resources? Why, what's wrong with you?
Nothing's wrong with the OP ... 13 year olds know EVERYTHING :rotfl:52% tight0 -
Maybe the girl is used to choosing her own stuff and keeping it separate. Some families have a lot of squabbling, oneupmanship and stress when it comes to treats.52% tight0
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This is very simple.
The girl is greedy and nobody - friends, parents or other adults have confronted her about it. The result will be that she sees this as normal behaviour, and if it is not stopped, will grow up to be a very greedy, arrogant and controlling adult.
If her friends are willing to put up with her behaviour then they will miss out, because the girl will keep on taking from them.0 -
I'm another who suggests not doing much in terms of your daughter's friendship with her, although I wouldn't allow her to behave that way again in my home (the food/drink you buy stays in the kitchen and is shared.)
There will be reasons why she feels the need to act in this way, which would make me take some pity on her.
I wouldn't be happy to financially subsidise her though, since she doesn't need it, so would have a conversation with your daughter about this aspect (which would apply to any of her friends.)0 -
Tricky. I wouldn't do anything now that the moment has passed - other than talk to my DD about it and say how weird it was for her friend to do that, likewise with the lunches and bus fare (not much you can do there IMO, if your DD is that hungry she won't share, and if she only had enough bus fare for herself she couldn't pay for the others - this is a learning curve, and making choices is part of that).
For a future sleep over I would stress that the food & drink was for 'sharing' and not agree to personal pizzas, if the girl wants a different drink, buy her a small bottle....
My DD (only child) is 17 now but at 13-15 she had friends who have taken her clothes and shoes without asking - now they're older I'm used to her coming home in someone else's top etc, and her friends coming round wearing DD's stuff (I had a bit of a :mad: when one walked in wearing my coat tho!!)
I think the strangest, for me, was when I was sitting in the kitchen and one friend waltzed in and started helping herself to the contents of my fridge :eek::eek:0 -
In some families, it's an outright fight to get anything to yourself without it being nicked or just deliberately smashed up by a sibling who doesn't want the thing itself, they just don't want you to have it. Some parents can be like that as well.
Some parents might be happy to chuck over the fancy gadgets at christmas when everybody's looking and can enthuse about what a lucky girl/boy you must be to get that thing, and then completely blank the child when nobody's around to notice.
Some might be all indulgent and generous in public, then vicious, mean, spiteful and abusive behind closed doors.
She could have a parent so determined that their kids won't ever be fat (as to some, this is the most terrible thing a female can be), that they are actually kept short of food.
Or there is so much debt/drug/alcohol issues that the presents get ordered on credit, but there's never any money for bus fare or food in the fridge.
And finally, in this litany of horrid childhoods, there can be the parents who treat all their children as an amorphous blob of kid, nobody is allowed individuality, everything is The Children and if it isn't for everyone, it's taken away - in that case, taking the egg and fizz back home could be to share it with the others out of care for her sisters or because she'll never hear the end of it if she doesn't bring something back for them. A more extreme example would be the child offered a trip of a lifetime with a friend, but her not being allowed to go because 'it isn't fair on the others'.
Or she could be a complete madam. But there are sometimes very good reasons why kids behave in ways you wouldn't expect.I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.Yup you are officially Rock n Roll0 -
I agree with Jojo that there might be more to this situation than pure greed. The fact that your DD and her friends are loyal speaks volumes. Why dont you ask DD is her friend is happy at home or has problems.I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and through me. When it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
When the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.0 -
Maybe the girl is used to choosing her own stuff and keeping it separate. Some families have a lot of squabbling, oneupmanship and stress when it comes to treats.
I could see this as an argument if she had eaten her 'own' things and took the remainder home, but it appears she ate her friends' treats and then took hers home in addition. That's just greedy!"On behalf of teachers, I'd like to dedicate this award to Michael Gove and I mean dedicate in the Anglo Saxon sense which means insert roughly into the anus of." My hero, Mr Steer.0
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