My 13 YO daughter has a greedy friend, what would you do?

Sambucus_Nigra

gibson123 wrote: »

My DD is 13, she has a 13 year old's certainty that she is right in all things, I can only advise or suggest to her - teaching a 13 year old anything is beyond my resources.

Eh? Teaching a 13 year old anything is beyond your resources? Why, what's wrong with you?

balletshoes

gibson123 wrote: »

No this girl is one of 4 other girls and they all seem to have plenty everything really, clothes, money, the latest gadgets.

maybe she's just one of those people who can't see past the end of their own nose, and she always will be (it won't be helping that your daughter and other friends pay for her/share with her).

westy22

I think that your daughter's attitude to her greedy friend is excellent. If she values her friendship and is prepared to accept her friend's faults then all well and good.

When your daughter decides that she is being taken advantage of then she will no doubt confront her friend about her behaviour. Teenagers need to learn for themselves how to correctly judge character and make a decision about whether she wishes to remain friends.

I have a very good friend of 20 year's standing who never pays his way, but I recognise it and accept it because I value his friendship more than the monetary cost.

peachyprice

I don't thunk there's alot you can do when the girls are outside your home. Of course tell your daughter that if she's not happy subbing this girl she must speak up for herself, but I feel it's only a matter of time before the whole dynamics of this group will change. The girls will not put up with it forever, but it'll probably take one of them finally speaking out before it stops.

As for in your home, you now know what this girl is like, avoid being put in that position again. Next time you'll know to tell them there are x amount of pizza's to share, mix up the segments in two large plates in the middle of the table and give them a side plate for when they take a piece, same with any other meal you serve them. Tell them there are x bottles of drinks to share etc and leave them in the kitchen so no-one gets the opportunity to bagsy their own bottle. Just keep an eye as to what's going on and casually ask if they've all got everything they want.

Perhaps it's BECAUSE she's one of 4 that she's like this. Some siblings spend their life trying to get one up on each other by keeping stuff to theirself, in some families it's the only way you get anything for yourself.

the_cat

Sooner or later the 3 girls will get fed up with her being greedy and grasping and she will either have to mend her ways or get dropped as a friend

Leave them to it. Your DD needs to decide and learn about how to deal with people like this for herself. At 13 I think she is too old to have that particular fight fought for her by her mum, especially as she isn't even bothered about it atm!

ginger_tony

l blame the parents, you have the patience of a saint if it were me i would have told her you have to take what the others are having take it or leave it. Her mother should teach her some manners and how to be gracious.

Kaz2904

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that it was probably more to do with her being part of a large family that made her behave this way.
My aunty had 3 of us and she got so sick of arguments about who got the most of anything that she bought each of us our own stuff to last 3 times as long as the 1 between 3 (iykwim?) this did stop arguments.
My MiL says that as one of seven girls she wasn't allowed to borrow anything from her sisters as a child. It was the only way her parents could control fights. Each child had their own stuff and that was that.
The girls will sort it out between themselves eventually but you could help by saying that there is such and such to share between all of you when stuff goes on the table. If the fanta had been put in the fridge downstairs, she may have felt differently about going and helping herself to it to take home.

Robisere

I would say, wait until boys come into the picture. Once your daughter and friends have fought (and hopefully won) their battle with puberty and hormones, and they settle down to looking seriously at the opposite gender, the green eyed monster will get serious.

Had a daughter, got 2 granddaughters, so I know what happens. Boys will definitely not be shared.

However, I can understand why you struggle to teach a 13 yaer old girl: you probably mean "control" and not "teach" in this instance. Both my daughter and GD were and are completely certain that dad (& Gdad) knew/know nothing. Personal question, ignore if you wish: do you have a Significant Other? Does he help with all this? If there is no one, I understand. My son ( single parent father of my 15 year old GDaughter) Is completely helpless against her. She is a total control freak, but the upside is that she also has a high intelligence and does very well at College. That may be a comfort or not, but I would suggest that you really should start to draw some boundaries. You cannot allow a 13 year old to take over your life. Allow her to make some decisions, but please make sure that yours is the final word, otherwise your own life will be in her shadow.

cutestkids

I think it is all very well saying that if your daughter is Ok with it then let it be but really when your daughter pays her bus fare or gives her half her lunch who is actually paying for it, your daughter I presume gets her money from you so I would tell her that you will not be giving her money for it to be spent on this other girl.

If you know the girls parents perhaps a quiet word as they may not be aware, I know that I would be mortified if one of my kids was behaving like this.

With regard her coming over again to eat at your house, I would make the meal and be quite clear that it is to be shared, juice etc stays in the kitchen and it belongs to you she will get the message eventually.

Kimberley

I would forget this occasion and next time ensure that everyone knows that the food and drink on offer are for all to share equally on the sleepover. If she still takes it home with her then mention it to her. If you don't say nothing she may think it's ok. You don't have to be rude you just need to tell her that you buy the stuff for everyone to consume on the sleepover or get the stuff in before they all come round, your daughter knows what they like and you can get them all the same as each other.
To be honest it's not really a big deal. I guess if you buy them each something then they assume it is theirs to do as they please. If you buy the stuff without them going by your daughter then it should make a difference.