My 13 YO daughter has a greedy friend, what would you do?

gibson123

Sorry long post - I am at a loss, my DD best friend had a sleep-over last night and I was shocked at how greedy she is. She has been friends with my daughter for years and there has always been the "conditions" on the friendship. Things like I will be your best friend If ...scenarios. I had just sort of accepted over the years that this was because she was young and would grow out of it, but I got my eyes opened last night. The girls decided they wanted pizza, so I took them to the supermarket to pick, the other girls picked a ham an pineapple to share, but this girl wanted her own pizza, same with fizzy juice, they had diet coke, she wanted fanta. There were some easter eggs in offer for £1 and I said rather than get sweets they could have an easter egg each. No big deal i thought but then we got to check out and she packed "her " things into a separate bag which i thought was a bit strange. Then the pizzas were served, when one of the other girls went to pick a piece of the pepperoni pizza, this girl slapped her hand away and said no, this is my pizza. Anyway I have just driven her home and she has took a Tesco bag with a litre of fanta and an easter egg home with her. I asked the other girls what happened to the diet coke and their easter eggs and they said that they shared them between all 3. When I said this is so wrong, they said it's just what she is like, and then they went on to say they both share their lunches with her at school and she has various items of clothes she has borrowed and not returned. My DD also said that she sometimes pays her bus fares. The thing is she is not from a poor family, I would understand that, she wears designer clothes and has a blackberry, an I-pad and a kindle. I haven't made a big thing about it with my daughter, she things it's no big deal, but I feel very uncomfortable with this. Should I do anything about this or leave well alone?

Millie2008_2

I would hazard a guess at something in the girl's home life She might have all of the latest gadgets, but not what she needs, be it love, attention, acceptance, or something else

Very hard to know what to do about it though

Sambucus_Nigra

If she has a kindle, at least she reads.

The only thing you can do is to teach your DD to not feed or sub her.

gibson123

Millie2008 wrote: »

I would hazard a guess at something in the girl's home life She might have all of the latest gadgets, but not what she needs, be it love, attention, acceptance, or something else

Very hard to know what to do about it though

You may have something there, she is very self obsessed and lacks confidence even though she is extremely pretty.

gibson123

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

If she has a kindle, at least she reads.

The only thing you can do is to teach your DD to not feed or sub her.

My DD is 13, she has a 13 year old's certainty that she is right in all things, I can only advise or suggest to her - teaching a 13 year old anything is beyond my resources.

Mrs_Arcanum

Is she an only child? Just that maybe she has not been taught to share with other children whilst at the same time having parents who share everything with her?

You need to steer your daughter towards some awareness that this girls behaviour is not acceptable.

gibson123

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

Is she an only child? Just that maybe she has not been taught to share with other children whilst at the same time having parents who share everything with her?

You need to steer your daughter towards some awareness that this girls behaviour is not acceptable.

I suppose that is the crux of the matter, if it's Ok with my daughter and other friends to just accept her, do i just let it go until she goes too far or make an issue about it now.

She is one of 4, so no not an only, my daughter is the only child, all her friends have 3 or more siblings.

Alikay

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

Is she an only child? Just that maybe she has not been taught to share with other children whilst at the same time having parents who share everything with her?

As an only child I HATE hearing this! I was never selfish with my things. Ever. And most only children I've met are very keen to share with other children! Being taught that sharing is the right thing to do doesn't mean a child WILL share once out of view of their parents: 13 year olds often challenge whatever standards they've been raised with, and since she seems so controlling with her friends I'm sure she's well aware it's unacceptable behaviour.

I'd have tackled it at the time directly with the girl by means of a firm " I bought those pizza's and drink for you all to share", and the next day I'd have questioned taking the Fanta home unless she'd paid for it.

Fosterdog

Is the girl an only child and used to having everything for herself?

One of my friends growing up was the same and it was because she never had to share at home and her parents gave in to her every want.

On the other hand one of SDs friends is similar but she is one of five and has to share so much of her own stuff at home that she likes to actually have something that's hers, SD gave her a new look gift card for her birthday and she has asked to keep the clothes she bought at our house because her sister will just steal them if she takes them home and as she's the oldest her parents make her share with the younger ones.

Fosterdog

Alikay wrote: »

As an only child I HATE hearing this! I was never selfish with my things. Ever. And most only children I've met are very keen to share with other children!

Nobody is saying that all only children are like this, the same as everything it how you are brought up it just that sometimes the lack of other children has this effect (especially if there are no close cousins etc as well)

gibson123

No this girl is one of 4 other girls and they all seem to have plenty everything really, clothes, money, the latest gadgets.