couples and money

barriejohn69

I earn about 5 times what my wife does but it all goes into the pot. we have seperate bank accounts just because we have never bothered putting everything into one account. We both have access to each others accounts so that there is nothng to hide. I top up her wages to cover the outgoings from her account as they relate to joint bills and so that she has a bit of money she can easily access to if she wants anything.
Likewise if I want to go for a few beers, I don't have to ask for cash I just take it from my account. She's got a card for it and internet access so she can see what I've spent if she wanted to.
As another poster said we have both been burned with ex's and used to argue over who was to pay for a meal etc as we both expected to pay.
The deal is, as long as the bills are paid we can dip into the excess cash if we want to. If there's none then there are no treats.

74jax

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I've never understood married couples (or even long-term non married couples) who end up with vastly different amounts of personal spending money because of their job differences.

It's really does work for us. After OH has transferred his 60% and I have transferred my 40% to the bills he has around 2k spending money and I have about £700. It makes no difference to me. He also has money coming in from renting out his apartment too so really he has much more.

We both spoil each other, buy our own things, and it works. Just because he might go out and buy something for his hobby costing several hundred doesn't mean I should have access to his money to do the same.

Tigsteroonie

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Nothing is smart about a woman having to go back to work sooner than she'd like to after having a baby because she's the main breadwinner.

room512 wrote: »

I have to say I find your post incredibly offensive. I am the main breadwinner in our house (i'm female) and you're implying that I'm stupid as my husband dares to have a job that pays him less? We're both fortunate that we have jobs. Why should it be that the male in the relationship has to earn more? We both work long hours, I'm just fortunate that I get paid fairly well.

Here here.

Lara44

Legion90 wrote: »

What works for us is to har a joint account for bills and for joint shopping trips that we do and we just put 50/50 into the account. The joint account can be used for spending such as cinema or takeaways. We have our own seperate account for our own wage and stuff we buy ourselves.

Everyone has their preferred way but this has worked well for us so far,

We do this too, and put our leftover money away separately in ISAs. We usually decide jointly what the savings money is spent on... holidays / house renovation etc.

**Juice**

We have a joint account that we each transfer the same amount into each month and all bills come out of there. We take it in turns to do the big shop, half any hols or work on the house etc.

He earns a few grand more than me but I'm better with money so I tend to have more left around than him at the end of the month

GobbledyGook

74jax wrote: »

It's really does work for us. After OH has transferred his 60% and I have transferred my 40% to the bills he has around 2k spending money and I have about £700. It makes no difference to me. He also has money coming in from renting out his apartment too so really he has much more.

We both spoil each other, buy our own things, and it works. Just because he might go out and buy something for his hobby costing several hundred doesn't mean I should have access to his money to do the same.

I just couldn't live with that inequality. I think a partnership should give both parners equal opportunities in life. Perhaps it is different because without my sacrafices my ex wouldn't have had the same earning power, but I just wouldn't be happy with that at all.

I can't imagine one partner being able to afford a holiday and the other not for example. It just baffles me. I also can't imaging having an OH and not wanting them to be equal to me. I wouldn't want to be able to have an expensive hobby if my husband couldn't afford it.

Differences are what make the world interesting I suppose. Perhaps I'm in for a very big shock if I have a new relationship at any point!!

caeler

This has been an interesting thread. If I had my time again I think I'd prefer both salaries going into joint account then an agreed equal allowance paid into sole accounts for some personal expenditure. All bills and savings come out of the joint money. It was the other way round for us plus some dodgy calculation based on who earnt more, but I've found it interesting to explore the concept on equal effort. I think there should be an element of personal expenditure ie. for gifts etc with a strong agreement to agree big purchases together and not to take loans out without agreeing together. So important I realise now.

sooty&sweep

Hi

Everything gets paid into the joint account and we share a credit card too.
But we are both fairly good with money and neither of us are silly spenders and we're open with each other about money.
If we want to make a big purchase we are both involved in the decision even if its only to say I know nothing about XXX you decide.

Jen

persa

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I've never understood married couples (or even long-term non married couples) who end up with vastly different amounts of personal spending money because of their job differences.

[...]There's no way he'd have ever accepted having loads more than me, just because his job paid much better than mine.

Friends of ours have a very bizarre, imo, set up where they each pay the same for everything. So because she earns less than him (and she was the one who took a step down the career ladder to move so they could live together and marry) he is going on holiday skiing with a mate because she can't "afford" it. Just baffles me.

I chose to go into a very stressful (but well paid) line of work, he chose to do something more relaxing. We are both educated to the same level, so it's not as if he couldn't access the same earning opportunities as me, IFYSWIM, he just chose not to.

Bearing in mind the above, I don't think it's fair that we should have equal money for spends at the end of every month!

Mrs_Arcanum

Deleted_User wrote: »

Having read this thread and several others like it, i've come to conclusion there is no right or wrong way.

The old school of doing things was to pool all wages and usually one person was responsible for divvy-ing it out - think of our grandparents and maybe parents.

But these days with more people in debt before leaving home and circumstances constantly changing, people don't want to be link with bad debt. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you love their money habits or history, especially if they are vastly different to your own.

Times constantly evolved alongside technology and so people's handling of money or not as the case may be, reflect this.

Even into the 60s a person still living at home would give their wage to a parent & then be given spending money until they got a home of their own.

Always had separate accounts but DH has always given me housekeeping. So no issues when I was a SAHM.

Since buying our own place he pays Mortgage, CTax, Phone/TV/BB & petrol. I pay Utilities, TV Licence, car insurance & clothing (he really does not like shopping).

However, I did buy the car & put over a 50% deposit on the house with my inheritance.