couples and money

tinktinktinkerbell

epsilondraconis wrote: »

My wife and I have a joint bank account and everything goes into the same pot. I earn 3 times more than her but never see the money as her money or my money, its our money.

Perhaps I'm old fashioned; however I never really understand why married couples keep their own money (unless you can't trust the other person).

Having said that, the OP needs to do whatever is best for them given their unique set of circumstances.

maybe because despite being married they are still individuals!

my sister and bro in law have a joint account for bills/mortgage but they have their own accounts too

not that me and OH will ever get married but we will always have our own accounts

nickyhutch

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

maybe because despite being married they are still individuals!

my sister and bro in law have a joint account for bills/mortgage but they have their own accounts too

not that me and OH will ever get married but we will always have our own accounts

I'm married but very much an individual. You don't lose your identity just by sharing something, you know.

tinktinktinkerbell

nickyhutch wrote: »

I'm married but very much an individual. You don't lose your identity just by sharing something, you know.

i didnt say you did

but being married doesnt mean you have to share EVERYTHING, some things are yours and some are his

marywooyeah

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

i didnt say you did

but being married doesnt mean you have to share EVERYTHING, some things are yours and some are his

I agree with this, it's not always a question of trusting the other person or not either, just preferring to keep your money in your own account to keep track of it is why I do it.

I was also quite offended by the "there's nothing smart about a woman going back to work as she's the main breadwinner" comment - I went back to work the day after my maternity leave ended to a minimum wage job in a shop, not to "be smart" and I certainly wasn't the main breadwinner, I did it because although I would have loved to have been a SAHM mum I felt it would be unfair on my partner to be the sole earner, so I went out to earn my own wage to contribute to the household.

nickyhutch

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

i didnt say you did

but being married doesnt mean you have to share EVERYTHING, some things are yours and some are his

Of course it doesn't. We just find it easier to pool all the money and not nit pick over who is due to do the shopping this week, or whose turn it is to pay the milkman.

As for sharing everything - what's in the bank, or in the house, is ours. We're still individual in that we do stuff separately, unlike some people. Just cos we're married doesn't mean we have to be together 24/7, like some people do.

tinktinktinkerbell

nickyhutch wrote: »

Of course it doesn't. We just find it easier to pool all the money and not nit pick over who is due to do the shopping this week, or whose turn it is to pay the milkman.

As for sharing everything - what's in the bank, or in the house, is ours. We're still individual in that we do stuff separately, unlike some people. Just cos we're married doesn't mean we have to be together 24/7, like some people do.

and just because you're married it doesnt mean that everything belongs to the both of you

being individual is so much more than not being together 24/7

btw you can be together 24/7 and still be individual

tesuhoha

We are married - 30+ years. We are one unit and all the money goes into our joint accounts. We have respect for each other and tell the other what we are going to buy unless its everyday things like groceries, petrol etc. I am in charge of payment of the bills. He is the one who usually makes decisions about items we will buy, i.e washing machine, dishwasher etc but I buy small items like kettles and toasters etc.

I like the way we work it out - he always, always shops around and gets massive bargains/money off/discount rates/the best deal for the money and I do the food shopping and cook from scratch to save money. We both have the same economical yet generous attitude to our funds.

This only works because we are both agreeable to sharing everything and it has always been our way. However, other people like to do things differently and if you are both agreeable to the way you handle money then that's okay too.

split_second

the house was mine on my own before so we had to adopt our system accordingly.

we work out half of the direct debits etc and oh pays me that, food shopping alternates week by week and we pay our individual stuff. we earn similar amounts (mine evens itself out cos my travel pass covers a larger area)

[Deleted User]

Having read this thread and several others like it, i've come to conclusion there is no right or wrong way.

The old school of doing things was to pool all wages and usually one person was responsible for divvy-ing it out - think of our grandparents and maybe parents.

But these days with more people in debt before leaving home and circumstances constantly changing, people don't want to be link with bad debt. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you love their money habits or history, especially if they are vastly different to your own.

Times constantly evolved alongside technology and so people's handling of money or not as the case may be, reflect this.

marywooyeah

Deleted_User wrote: »

Having read this thread and several others like it, i've come to conclusion there is no right or wrong way.

That seems to be the conclusion for many threads on here!