couples and money

attila_

Surely its easier to shared the money? What happens when you have children?

VfM4meplse

the_cat wrote: »

Or the hard working husband whose job just happens to pay less? Do they bring less to the partnership

Yes they do. There's working hard, and there's working smart.

Nothing is smart about a woman having to go back to work sooner than she'd like to after having a baby because she's the main breadwinner.

FATBALLZ

No joint accounts, we have our own accounts but put have a spreadsheet where we put both out wages in, minus the joint bills off, then work it out so that we both have the same amount of money left over after this. Since most bills are in my name this generally means she transfers me a certain amount each month.

We've been together quite a long time and our salaries are similar (although we still did this when she was on maternity leave earning very little), I guess this would be trickier for a couple who haven't been together so long and have a large disparity between what each earns.

room512

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Yes they do. There's working hard, and there's working smart.

Nothing is smart about a woman having to go back to work sooner than she'd like to after having a baby because she's the main breadwinner.

I have to say I find your post incredibly offensive. I am the main breadwinner in our house (i'm female) and you're implying that I'm stupid as my husband dares to have a job that pays him less? We're both fortunate that we have jobs. Why should it be that the male in the relationship has to earn more? We both work long hours, I'm just fortunate that I get paid fairly well.

Fosterdog

Me and OH split everything 50/50 but we earn roughly the same so it's not an issue for us. OH earns £15 a month more than me on basic pay but I get occasional overtime and bonuses which makes up the difference.

OH transfers two thirds of his pay into my account and all bills and shopping get paid from there, the rest stays in his account to pay CSA for his kids and his mobile contract.

Anything left the day before payday OH transfers into a savings account, I transfer a set amount monthly into my savings account. My savings are used for things like xmas, birthdays, car repairs etc, OH's savings are going to be for spending money if we can manage to save for a holiday next year (Just a week away somewhere in the UK because neither of us have had a holiday for over ten years)

This works well for us, we would like to have a bit more money between us but if either got a better paid job then the extra would be used for a slightly higher standard of living now and a new savings account so we can save for a house deposit

Alikay

Everything coming in goes into the pot, everything going out come out of that same pot. We take holidays together, agree big purchases together and everything we own (or debt we have owed) is considered "ours".

It's worked for us for 25 years.

the_cat

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Yes they do. There's working hard, and there's working smart.

Nothing is smart about a woman having to go back to work sooner than she'd like to after having a baby because she's the main breadwinner.

If said woman was that bothered, then perhaps she should have chosen to have the baby once she had saved up some money to allow her more maternity leave then!

As you say, nothing is smart about not planning around your own circumstances!!

System

Alikay wrote: »

Everything coming in goes into the pot, everything going out come out of that same pot. We take holidays together, agree big purchases together and everything we own (or debt we have owed) is considered "ours".

It's worked for us for 25 years.

+1
Worked for us for 33 years. The same system worked for my parents for 50+ years

notatvstar

Me and the boyf have been previously burned by our ex's so we prefer to keep our accounts separate. He's still heavily in debt (ex related) (but not defaulting... yet, cross fingers), but I have an 'excellent' credit rating and no real debts (student loan aside - getting paid off as we speak). I pay the 'important stuff' (rent, council tax, TV license, phone line rental, gas and leccy) he does the 'luxury items' including, insurances, AA membership, broadband, water rates [we have reduced rate as we have a septic] and anything to do with the car (as I don't drive). He also buys the groceries. In that way we won't miss any important payments and he's free to modify his expenditure in accordance with his finances but still contribute a fair share. Occasionally I have to bail him out (MOT time!) but apart from the odd wibble and subsequent 'conversation' it seems to work fine.

FTR - he earns nearly twice what I do, but his debts are huge! I knew this when I first met him and have always considered it part of the package so I'm not complaining.

I think you need to first establish who is more financially stable and reliable (i.e. job security and debts) and then take it from there. Every relationship is different though and things can change (buying a house, maternity pay) so it's important to keep communicating in an honest and transparent way. We have had a lot of conversations concerning any changes in circumstance and so we have made contingency plans should certain events happen. Money is a terrible thing to argue over and sometimes it takes a degree of 'trial and error' to establish what works.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do. There's no magic formula, apart from lots of love, honest communication and the ability to say a big fat NO every now and then. (He's not getting a s*dding Land Rover until he pays off all his CC's and cleared his overdraft - and if he does come home with one! I'm not paying for it... grrr)

Just had to get that last bit off my chest. Sorry.

liney

All our money goes into one join bank account, an amount is then transferred for savings and the bill money is left there ready for direct debits.

My DH is given cash for petrol and spends weekly, and I take cash for groceries, petrol and spends weekly.