Smacking. Could you/would you/do you?

Person_one

Anubis wrote: »

Your implication of the abused becomes the abuser....if you did not mean to imply that, then can you clarify as I may have misunderstood?

No, that wasn't my point at all.

My point was that, statistically, children who've had very tough starts in life and had it the hardest do not go on to be tough successful adults who can cope with anything life throws at them. They are more likely to end up in prison, long term unemployed, have alcohol or drug problems or have mental health issues, they are less likely to have qualifications, successful careers and happy home lives.

The idea that hard knocks set a child up for coping with challenges as adults is just not true.

Care leavers: http://www.reedinpartnership.co.uk/media/68137/from%20care%20to%20independence.pdf


DV: http://kelleyward.hubpages.com/hub/Trauma-in-Childhood-How-Violence-Can-Alter-Brain-Function

janninew

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Perhaps they didn't need punishing? Not every kid is naughty to the extent that they need to be punished.

Maybe, but I find it incredibly hard to believe that in 14 years a child doesn't do anything to warrant any type of punishment. Not even during the terrible 2's, the moody start to the teenager years? This poster must be living with a very rare child if its true, I work in a large secondary school and even the very well behaved children misbehave sometimes, pushing the boundaries (and our parents) is part of growing up.

POPPYOSCAR

No, I have never smacked my children and never wanted to.

Sambucus_Nigra

janninew wrote: »

Maybe, but I find it incredibly hard to believe that in 14 years a child doesn't do anything to warrant any type of punishment. Not even during the terrible 2's, the moody start to the teenager years? This poster must be living with a very rare child if its true, I work in a large secondary school and even the very well behaved children misbehave sometimes, pushing the boundaries (and our parents) is part of growing up.

My DSD turned 15 last week. Her one and only punishment has been the removal of an electronic item for 3 weeks by her mother. So, have we all been doing something wrong to bring up a teenager who hardly does anything wrong? Or do you think that maybe, just maybe, the methods that involved discussion, negotiation, explanation and self-regulation may have been good ones? Or is she some soft of freak?

janninew

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

My DSD turned 15 last week. Her one and only punishment has been the removal of an electronic item for 3 weeks by her mother. So, have we all been doing something wrong to bring up a teenager who hardly does anything wrong? Or do you think that maybe, just maybe, the methods that involved discussion, negotiation, explanation and self-regulation may have been good ones? Or is she some soft of freak?

So she never misbehaved and was punished during her toddler years? The toddler years are very challenging, they are learning their own minds and pushing the boundaries, as parents we have to deal with this. I've got a baby Daughter and I fully accept she will be challenging during her toddler years, I may use the naughty step method or withdrawing privileges, these are both methods I personally agree with.

Clearly if you have raised a child that has only ever warranted one punishment in her whole life, you are fantastic and we should all just take your advice on parenting issues!

verysillyguy06

janninew wrote: »

So she never misbehaved and was punished during her toddler years? The toddler years are very challenging, they are learning their own minds and pushing the boundaries, as parents we have to deal with this. I've got a baby Daughter and I fully accept she will be challenging during her toddler years, I may use the naughty step method or withdrawing privileges, these are both methods I personally agree with.

Clearly if you have raised a child that has only ever warranted one punishment in her whole life, you are fantastic and we should all just take your advice on parenting issues!

:beer::beer::beer::beer:


Thread finished then...conclusion reached


Dont smack !

kafkathecat

janninew wrote: »

You've never punished your child and he's 14?! :eek:

How do you deal with bad behaviour, if not punishing (and I mean any types, not just smacking) or is it just ignored?

Hi, It has varied with age, really. Lots of talking, reaching compromises, lots of tolerating stuff until that phase passes. I'm told I sometimes threaten to get rid of his Xbox! but I have never followed that through, we usually just talk about what caused the problem and try to come up with a solution that suits us both. I am probably lucky that he is very easy going but also I have read lots of Alfie Kohn and Lawrence Cohen. I do raise my voice at times and I wish I didn't but mostly we get on well and he tells me if he thinks I am being unreasonable.
I have to run now but I hope that helps. bw.

Sambucus_Nigra

janninew wrote: »

So she never misbehaved and was punished during her toddler years? The toddler years are very challenging, they are learning their own minds and pushing the boundaries, as parents we have to deal with this. I've got a baby Daughter and I fully accept she will be challenging during her toddler years, I may use the naughty step method or withdrawing privileges, these are both methods I personally agree with.

Clearly if you have raised a child that has only ever warranted one punishment in her whole life, you are fantastic and we should all just take your advice on parenting issues!

Oh dear. Clearly we mustn't show examples of experiences or we will upset you and cause you to throw your toys out of the pram. Perhaps if you calmed down a bit you might reason with your child when the time comes to it.

jamespir

why is it those who dont like smacking insist on hounding those that say the would use it
everyones different we cant all be the same
plus theres a fine line between smacking your childs legs and beating them to an inch of their lives

so you dont need to throw in the abuse card every time

jansus

jamespir wrote: »

why is it those who dont like smacking insist on hounding those that say the would use it
everyones different we cant all be the same f
plus theres aine line between smacking your childs legs and beating them to an inch of their lives

so you dont need to throw in the abuse card every time

Are you serious :eek: