New Dmp Mutal Support Thread

lonely_2

I'm really annoyed with myself. Does anyone have any advice for me?

I started a new job back in January which more or less coincided with my lightbulb moment. However, I was so stressed at having to impress with this job, at the same time as dealing with all of this, that one day I broke down at work and confessed all to a colleague. She is the office manager. I was so relieved to be able to talk to someone in real life (nobody else knows including my partner) that I was very open with her - how the debts had started, how nobody knew, what I was planning to do, etc. And up until recently she has been really supportive.

However, recently she has started doing little things that are making me cross. She doesn't seem to like taking instructions from me, even though she shouldn't have a problem with this. And yesterday something that was allocated to her, she left for me to do just because I was ccd on the email. When I asked her about it she said she had to go home and nobody had asked her to do it, so she wasn't going to - BUT IT WAS ON AN EMAIL!! From my boss no less...

She has confided in me that she is looking for another job. Unfortunately she doesn't get on with my boss, and because he senses this he doesn't trust her. Therefore he keeps copying me on things he's asking her to do, just so I can keep an eye on it. However, she sees this as a green light to let me do them myself.

I hate confrontation so I have held off saying anything to her - I know she will react angrily because I've seen it before. But I'm afraid if I say anything to my bosses they will see it as a petty thing that I should be able to sort out myself. I also don't want to tell anyone else in case she lets them know about my difficulties out of spite.

What should I do???

Sea78

Newlywed - it does sound like you're a perfect candidate for a DMP!! It also sounds exactly ike my situation - I was using cards to live as the payments more than exceeded my personal income and OH would spend a lot of his money on just the basics too.

Let us know how you get on with CCCS/Payplan

Sea xx

Sea78

ooh Lonely - will have to have a think about that one. Does not sound good - have you tried to have a quiet word with her, although I can imagine you're hesistant if she is volatile.

Sea xx

newlywed

lonely wrote: »

She has confided in me that she is looking for another job. Unfortunately she doesn't get on with my boss, and because he senses this he doesn't trust her. Therefore he keeps copying me on things he's asking her to do, just so I can keep an eye on it. However, she sees this as a green light to let me do them myself.

I hate confrontation so I have held off saying anything to her - I know she will react angrily because I've seen it before. But I'm afraid if I say anything to my bosses they will see it as a petty thing that I should be able to sort out myself. I also don't want to tell anyone else in case she lets them know about my difficulties out of spite.

What should I do???

Can you not speak to your boss and just say that as he copies both of you in on the email there seems to be a little confusion over who is being asked to do the task and could he make it a little clearer or use the Blind CC on the email so that the person being asked to do the job doesn't see that someone else is being copied in for info?

newlywed

Sea78 wrote: »

Newlywed - it does sound like you're a perfect candidate for a DMP!! It also sounds exactly ike my situation - I was using cards to live as the payments more than exceeded my personal income and OH would spend a lot of his money on just the basics too.

Let us know how you get on with CCCS/Payplan

Sea xx

Thanks. Just seem to keep hoping that something will happen and make it all ok and mean I can manage, but in reality, I don't think it will. I know the time has come for me to do something about it all. It gets really depressing trying to decide whether we've got enough money for gas this week, whether we can afford to go to the cinema once a year etc.

Finally just about sticking to a shopping budget so far. Have already more than halved what we were spending on food so hopefully be able to shave a bit more off it too, but I get depressed trying to debate whether we can afford a nice loaf of bread or not

Just need to get all my figures together and get some courage to contact CCCS.

daysieblue

Newlywed - I agree with Sea, I think a DMP is the best way for you to go. Although it is really stressful to start off with (which I think everyone here will vouch for) once it gets settled it does give you a chance to get your head together and gives you really good piece of mind.
Lonely - Full of agreement today, I think getting your boss to BCC you would be a better way for him to deal with it, or else he could actually grow some balls and talk to her about the fact that her quality of work means he's having to ask you to check up on her all the time! Being completely mercenary (:)) If she goes, could you get her job, and would you get more money!!!

lonely_2

Yeah I supose I could ask him to do that. I am just worried that I look petty.

Ex-Spendaholic

Lonely, I'm an Admin Manager. At times my boss would copy one or more of my staff in for information. However as the Admin Manager it is up to me to either carry out what is required or delegate it to someone else. It is not reasonable to assume that someone else will carry it forward just because they have been copied in. I would have a quiet word with the Office Manager's boss. Tell him/her that you are a little concerned about the whole thing. Say that you are unsure if you are being asked to do the work or the Office Manager. Just act daft. Don't worry too much about her spilling about your debts. At the end of the day it'll do her no good if she does.

Newleywed, get onto CCCS. I promise you that a big massive weight will be taken off your shoulders. Read back on this thread for inspiration. We have all been in your shoes and it is improving for most of us.

Sea, I try to enter 50 competitions per day which equates to 1500 per month. The majority are online/email comps so are free. I do some postal entries too but only for really good prizes like LCD TVs etc. I use free postcards which I get out of coffee shops, cinema etc. The stamps I buy in bulk on ebay from money I've made selling junk. I enter them all through https://www.loquax.co.uk. It's a fantastic site. It's a great hobby. I spend a lot of time in the evenings at it but as I wouldn't be going out anyway it's great to have something to focus on other than debt.

scared_2

Newleywed -

I would sit down and go through your stmts and then work out what you can afford to pay out for a dmp. I know it sounds really scary I remember my dh saying that we had to do it and I just kept on putting it off as I felt so so sick with worry, but when I then went through it with cccs they showed us where to cut back and how we could just afford to do it. Even though it is going to be such a struggle for us as I'm used to using credit I feel so much better that I'm not getting further into debt.

Good luck
xxx

daysieblue

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

I enter them all through https://www.loquax.co.uk. It's a fantastic site. It's a great hobby. I spend a lot of time in the evenings at it but as I wouldn't be going out anyway it's great to have something to focus on other than debt.

Do you get anything extra for referring people, as I was thinking about registering. Every little helps