The horse or our family???

Mojisola

all-the-gear-but-no-idea wrote: »

All my salary is used up by supporting the household and my partner contributed approx 40% of her salary to living expenses also. (these expenses also include child care etc)

Dollardog wrote: »

Your DP is earning money to keep the horse, not asking you to support it.

If I was using all my income to support my partner and child and my partner was using 60% of his income on a hobby, I wouldn't be happy!

OP - I would look first at doing a SOA - on your joint incomes money shouldn't be so tight. If your OH needs you to pay for petrol for her car because she's spent so much on the horse, she needs a serious reality check! The horse costs need reassessing as well as your household costs.

Googlewhacker

Dollardog wrote: »

I agree with Rising, on your salary alone you should be able to manage. Your DP is earning money to keep the horse, not asking you to support it.
You say that you go abroad for work on a regular basis and that is a form of release for you. The horse is a form of release for your DP and you should not be making them feel guilty about it by keep on saying that they need to get rid of it.
These days its not that easy to sell horses, especially older ones, at least in their teens which this one must be if your partner has had it for at least 10 years. Horse charities are being bombarded every day with people who can no longer afford to keep their horses. Selling them raises little money and would not be an option to consider for someone who has had their horse for so long and is obviously attached to it as there is no telling where it would end up or what would happen to it.
There was a thread on here last year, I can't find it now where someone had a horse which their late mother had bought them, they could not afford to keep it and was desperate to find it a place in a charity but couldn't find one to take it. They did eventually find a home for it but it broke her heart to part with it.
Instead of looking at the horse as a millstone around your neck, you should take an iterest in it and try to make a hobby out of it that all the family can enjoy, think of the pleasure that your little boy will get from it when he is older, think of the fresh air he would get if you both went to see/ride it.

Instead of looking to get rid, think of ways that the costs of that could perhaps be lessened, perhaps horse sharing/part loan with your DP still retaining control of the horse but having someone else who also couldn't afford the full cost, sharing costs. Could it be moved to a cheaper yard but still be well cared for as some others have suggested? Are there other ways of cutting the expenses of it?
I used to have my own horse, I haven't got one now as I couldn't afford to keep one, my horse had a heart attack in the field and died, I had had her for ten years, in fact, ten years and ten days!! I would never have considered selling her, especially as she was in her teens when I lost her. I would not have known where she would have ended up. Your DP woud be attached to the horse, its her pet. Its not an inanimate object like a car, its a living thing that has given her lots of pleasure over the years and needs to be taken care of, not just thrown out when things get tough.

I sympathise that you are struggling but you seriously need to sit down and look hard at your expenditure. Most people if they really sit and work it out can economise on food for a start, buying cheaper cuts of meat, less convenience foods and cooking from fresh etc.

The OP's DP should be putting about 1/3rd of their money into the joint pot for house costs going of their wages and then if she has money spare this can go on the horse....I'd be amazed if this is happening!

Googlewhacker

Mojisola wrote: »

If I was using all my income to support my partner and child and my partner was using 60% of his income on a hobby, I wouldn't be happy!

OP - I would look first at doing a SOA - on your joint incomes money shouldn't be so tight. If your OH needs you to pay for petrol for her car because she's spent so much on the horse, she needs a serious reality check! The horse costs need reassessing as well as your household costs.

My point exactly!

thorsoak

So between you, the family income is £63,000 and you cannot manage?

So what happens if you loan the horse out, and still cannot manage your finance - what then? Loan the baby out?

For goodness sake, sort out your budget! I know of 2 families of 4 or 5 living on £20,000 AND keeping a horse at self-livery.

gettingready

Rough estimate - 18000 pa = £1,216.86 after tax

60% of that is around 730 per month

I do not have a horse, no idea what the cost of keeping is - can anyone in the know say how much it costs them to keep a horse?

I know my lot (dog and 4 cats) cost me around 500 per month but no idea about horses.....

Still OP 45k per year = £2,725.75 per month after tax
OP girlfriend (40% of 1216) = £486 per month after tax

Together as it is = just over £3200 after tax per month for 2 adults and a small child with minimal childcare as the mum only works part time.

Sorry, not sure what am I missing here, how 3200 per month does not allow for any treats etc and how a horse costs over 700 per month?

Horse people re cost? Any comments?

Re 3200 per month and no money for treats etc - definitely post your SOA on DFWB board ... as something does not add up here.

Just for balance - my salary is now around half of what it used to be (dropped from 43k to just over 22k) , no other hald to support/help whatever so all bills mine. From my to be 1400 per month around 500 goes on my pets ....

Dollardog

Googlewhacker wrote: »

The OP's DP should be putting about 1/3rd of their money into the joint pot for house costs going of their wages and then if she has money spare this can go on the horse....I'd be amazed if this is happening!

If I had got a 15month old son and my partner forced me into getting rid of a pet I had had for over ten years, I would give up work and stay at home to look after the child, save on the childcare!!

whitewing

Dollardog wrote: »

If I had got a 15month old son and my partner forced me into getting rid of a pet I had had for over ten years, I would give up work and stay at home to look after the child, save on the childcare!!

Glad I'm not married to you. All these decisions should be joint decisions, surely, which means listening to and respecting each other.

gettingready

I think the title OP has chosen for this topic really says it all.

He wants his partner to make a choice.

Myself? Put in this situation, as his partner - I would keep the horse.....and let the OP go....

:A:A:A

rising_from_the_ashes

Dollardog wrote: »

If I had got a 15month old son and my partner forced me into getting rid of a pet I had had for over ten years, I would give up work and stay at home to look after the child, save on the childcare!!

Snap!

gettingready wrote: »

I know my lot (dog and 4 cats) cost me around 500 per month but no idea about horses.....

Horse people re cost? Any comments?

Been a while since I've had one ..... I had to give mine up as I just didn't have the time to do her justice (9 hour working day + 3 hour commute) and she was just a youngster. Broke my heart .... still miss her after many, many years and wish I could've done anything to be able to keep her. I ended up giving her to a friend as I knew she would have a forever home with her as I just couldn't bear the thought of her being passed from home to home.:( (and, yes, she does still have her:))

Anyway ... they are expensive - and it varies hugely on whether you have your own land / grazing / stabling as this is by far the biggest cost if you have to pay for livery and can run to several £000 / year.

Came across this article which is quite interesting http://www.equine-world.co.uk/buying_horses/cost_horse.asp#.T23RBDfFmng

sazdes

gettingready wrote: »

I do not have a horse, no idea what the cost of keeping is - can anyone in the know say how much it costs them to keep a horse?

My horse is a thoroughbred so needs more food than your average horse!

Monthly costs
Feed - £100 per month (including hay and bedding)
Stabling - £100-200 a month if you clean the stable yourself, up to £400 if you get a stable hand to clean the horse's stable for you

Annual costs
vaccinations £70pa (though many owners don't vaccinate after inital baby vaccinations)
hooves trimming (every 8 weeks) - £220pa
worming every 8 weeks - £80pa

So Des costs £2770 per year (£230 per month)

.... you have one expensive horse! I wouldn't attempt to dissuade her from owning the horse as its an attachment thing, I'd give up all basics for myself in life to keep my horse. Just try to get the budget down to a minimum - it can be done