Am I really that Awful

jackieb

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

unfortunately thats life and the quicker you get used to it the less it will hurt

no matter how much you do for someone they will still slag you off behind your back

That's not true. Maybe it's your own personal experience but it's not everyone's.

victory

Did you actually hear what they say or just thinking they said it? Was it just general chit chat and you have taken it to heart?

It is mean the way some people talk but it may not have been aimed at you 100%, if you are running ragged all day after others, stopl take a deep breath, put yourself first and say no, I can't do such and such because I have this to do' it will be hard at first because you are not used to that type of reaction but you will get used to it and it will become second nature:D

You first, others later:D

Tearful_girl

I just wanted to say thank you to you all.
My aim today is to say no at least once!!
Someone else told me others were slagging me off, I don't know why she told me to be honest! I'm starting to think she is as bad if not worse than they are!
Thank you again for all your support, I was so low last night and your kind words have really lifted me

grannybroon

Tearful_girl wrote: »

I just wanted to say thank you to you all.
My aim today is to say no at least once!!
Someone else told me others were slagging me off, I don't know why she told me to be honest! I'm starting to think she is as bad if not worse than they are!
Thank you again for all your support, I was so low last night and your kind words have really lifted me

Some people just like to stir things up. Perhaps she is jealous/guilty of the way you help other people. Hold your head up high - you sound a lovely and caring person.

ognum

time to take time for yourself and your own children. Learn to say no. there ugly people I this world that will stag even the nicest person, it is a type of bullying that makes them feel better because you feel bad.

Please take a deep breath this morning, look at the lovely weather, hug your kids and do something for you and them.

jackieb

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better this morning. :A

dibuzz

I know exactly how you feel, I will do anything for anyone but as soon as I need a favour they are too busy.

euronorris

Glad to see you're feeling better, and aim to say no at least once today.

Just be prepared for some guilt trips at first though. I found that people did that to me when I finally learnt to say no, and put myself first for a change. They had gotten so used to me doing stuff for them, they didn't appreciate it anymore. So, it was 'normal' in their eyes, and when I suddenly said no, they felt let down and disappointed. That is, until I pointed out that I had always gone over and above my 'duty' (so to speak), put their needs ahead of mine, and now I was simply redressing the balance because they clearly didn't appreciate it.

But....I do remember still feeling bad at that point. Because I was so used to keeping them happy. And I had to remind myself too, that I was doing the right thing for everyone.

flippin36

My daughter has a fridge magnet (I'm sure you've read it before)

"No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Its a cliche but very true. We can't control other people's unkindness, but we have absolute control over our own reactions to it.

You sound like I used to be. I learned to exercise my selfish side whenever possible. Takes a long time to actually like that side of yourself but it does come eventually (eta: guilt trip like euronorris says). Like others say, say no every now and then, think about what 'you' will get out of situations. Think about friendships and whether there is any dead wood. Speak your mind LOUD AND CLEAR, even if you know no-one will agree with you. Show people you don't care what they think! Whatever they are criticising you for do it EVEN more to show you don't care. They will soon get the message and jog on.

We all have to deal with nasty people at some point in our lives - its not just you. We all have to find our own strategies of dealing with this difficult world we live in but don't try being a people pleaser as it rarely works. If it helps, I find as I get older I naturally care less about other people's !!!!!iness and find myself with a greater loyalty to those that really do care about me and others. If someone shows me kindness I never forget it and if someone shows me a particularly horrible side they become non people and absolutely irrelevant.


I read somewhere

"Whatever people think of me is none of MY business"

No you really are not that awful. You sound nice but you don't have to prove it to anyone at all. :A

pogofish

browneyedbazzi wrote: »

You may not be doing anything 'wrong' but it sounds like you're putting yourself last which can give people the impression that it's ok for them to do the same. I used to constantly be on the go, doing for others what I would never take the time/effort to do for myself and very few people seemed to appreciate it. One day I realised that I needed to put me first because if I didn't then no one would. I started to look after myself better and respect myself...and others followed suit and seemed to respect me and appreciate my efforts a lot more.

Nail-on-head!

This is very good advice Tearfulgirl - take heed of it!

Get your real priorities straight and strengthen your self-respect. Then make time for yourself and what you need in life.

You do not need the thankless task of pandering to these users - your life will be far better without them!