Am I really that Awful

Tearful_girl

I feel overwhelmed, I try hard to be a nice person, I do anything for anyone, I go above and beyond for people everyday. I work by the principle do for others as you would like them to do for you.
But today I find out people are slagging me off behind my back!
I just feel beside myself, I don't know why it has upset me so much but it has!
I have very little confidence at the best of times, and this seems like the final blow, today I have spent about 3 hours doing things for others! Last Friday I dropped my kids at breakfast club at 7:45 and got home at 9pm running around all day for others, did I get a thank you? Do I ever get thanked
What am I doing so wrong

epsilondraconis

Sorry to hear that you're feeling down. Just remember that 'no good deed goes unpunished'.

I used to be a lot like you, now I'm simply more selective about who I help. If I feel that my help is appreciated, I continue to give it gladly.

browneyedbazzi

You may not be doing anything 'wrong' but it sounds like you're putting yourself last which can give people the impression that it's ok for them to do the same. I used to constantly be on the go, doing for others what I would never take the time/effort to do for myself and very few people seemed to appreciate it. One day I realised that I needed to put me first because if I didn't then no one would. I started to look after myself better and respect myself...and others followed suit and seemed to respect me and appreciate my efforts a lot more.

Bluemeanie_2

After being hurt several times and shat all over by several people, I never ever do anything for anyone unless it suits me.

Tearful_girl

Thank you,
I think I'm just so tired, I'll be ok again tomorrow

System

People can be cruel. I think you sound lovely.

happyhaddock_2

Totally agree with bluemeanie, it's a hard lesson to learn but once it is life becomes a lot simpler. I'ts taken me to be nearly 50 to realise that I am entitled to an opinion and to say "NO" if i don't want to do something xx

CH27

Tearful_girl wrote: »

I feel overwhelmed, I try hard to be a nice person, I do anything for anyone, I go above and beyond for people everyday. I work by the principle do for others as you would like them to do for you.
But today I find out people are slagging me off behind my back!
I just feel beside myself, I don't know why it has upset me so much but it has!
I have very little confidence at the best of times, and this seems like the final blow, today I have spent about 3 hours doing things for others! Last Friday I dropped my kids at breakfast club at 7:45 and got home at 9pm running around all day for others, did I get a thank you? Do I ever get thanked
What am I doing so wrong

You're making yourself too available. Learn to say NO & prioritise what you need and want to do.

Mrs_Huggett

Bluemeanie wrote: »

After being hurt several times and shat all over by several people, I never ever do anything for anyone unless it suits me.

Exactly my sentiments, We have had a terrible experience with a foster son who was with us for over six years, he has left me and my DH heartbroken and our own sons have turned their backs on him, as have the rest of our family, never again, but still I now find since meeting up with a very old friend that I seem to be doing far more for her, and once again my own life is on hold, your post has switched something on in my brain, so you have helped me!!! That has to be worth something, so thank you, lots of love and hugs xx

Tiddlywinks

Please don't take this as criticism, I am just looking to understand a bit more.

From your first post, you seem to be a little low in self confidence - are you doing stuff for people so they will like you and approve of you? If you are, this never works - most people will just take what you offer and then take it for granted. Then they want more and so it goes on....

You have to start to believe in yourself and do stuff that pleases you - if that involves helping others, then enjoy doing it. Don't keep doing things that will make you resentful as it will bring you down.

As to overhearing what others say - don't take it to heart. We all say things sometimes where we would be mortified if we were overheard... it's bad but it happens. A few moans do not mean that they don't like you or don't appreciate you.

Start putting yourself and your family first but help out your friends if YOU want to and where it won't negatively impact on your life.

McKneff

I know its easy for me to say, Ive been where you are, there are still parts of me that are.

You sound such a lovely lady, thereis no need to have low self esteem. Look in the Mirror, bet you look nice too. Put yourself first, dont be the first one to offer, youre being too nice and its because you have low self esteem that you want everybody to like you so it boosts your self esteem. Be the second or third one to offer. If someone asks for help when you are in the company of others, keep quiet for a while.
Come back on here for moral support.