Am I really that Awful

nicechap

notakid wrote: »

In your eyes maybe not.

To him a step too far.

We get what we put in this world. 99% of time people will respond to kindness and you will get good deeds returned in spades. Okay some people aren't nice but you distance yourself from the toxic.

My job brings me into contact with people from all walks of life and cultures and I would wholeheartedly concur with that. Most people, whether they be black, white, asian, male, female, gay, straight, educated, challenged, are decent human beings who want to be kind and good to others and hope & expect others will be back to them. There are a minority who externalise their own failings and are out to take advantage of others & the system at every opportunity and invariably they are the ones who bad things happen to.

While Karma is not a guarantee, statistically its right most of the time.

WhiteHorse

Tearful_girl wrote: »

What am I doing so wrong

No-one respects a doormat. You have to show your teeth from time-to-time.

mgdavid

Tearful Girl when you need a little self-esteem boost,
look in a mirror
chin up
smile
think DILLIGAF
(google it if you have to)

;-)

BillTrac

I know from bitter experience that when you want to help another human being who is worse off than you, there are people who seem honest but only see you as someone to be crapped on.

I won't go into details but someone I met was at a very low point. I went out of my way mentally, physically and financially to help them out of their problems. Did I get thanked? No! I got told to do one basically. But only once they had got what they wanted

Never explained why. So I still don't know what I did wrong, if anything.

suki1001

Here are my rules I follow in life:

1.) I don't expect everyone to like me. Not because I'm an awful person, but because statistically it's impossible. I once heard of 100% of people, a third will get on with you really well, a third will think you're okay and a third will dislike you. You only have to go on a forum like this, to see how that works. If someone doesn't like me, that's ok, if theyfeel the need to spek ill of me, then so be it.

2.) I don't expect thanks for things, it's nice for people to show their appreciation, but as I'm a mum, doing things for others are part of the job description. However, if people are taking advantage, it stops. I don't continue to be friends with them, if they expect me to be a free babysitting service. I don't mind the odd one, but I've had friends who have suffered as a consequence of being afraid to say no. Seriously, I had one friend who moved because it was so bad.

3.) Things are not black and white, I will not have pantomime baddies in my life like my mother has done. If people are sad enough they need to moan about me, they can either say it to my face, or keep moaning to someone else - it's their problem, if they can't see me about it.

4.) I surround myself with positive people and friends. I stick with the ones who are truely fab and don't take me for granted.

5.) I'm not afraid to use the excuse "I'm washing my hair"

notakid

Brilliant Suki! :T:T:T:T

I agree with every word and it is my thoughts on life too.

No one is a true victim all the time and even bad people can do nice things.

Nothing is black and white.

People tend to overlook the bleeding obvious. If you are nice and thoughtful people like to be around you. If you portray yourself as a victim and only focus on negative things people stay away.;)

suki1001

notakid wrote: »

Brilliant Suki! :T:T:T:T

I agree with every word and it is my thoughts on life too.

No one is a true victim all the time and even bad people can do nice things.

Nothing is black and white.

People tend to overlook the bleeding obvious. If you are nice and thoughtful people like to be around you. If you portray yourself as a victim and only focus on negative things people stay away.;)

Exactly. Communication is key, if you're prepared to put up with people using you, you're doing yourself, but also them no favours. The bitterness and vitreol that can come out of bottling things up when you feel like you're being taken for granted can sometimes come out like a bolt out of the blue for those that think you don't mind, so I don't leave myself open to those situations.
Often people really don't know that the situation is bad, that the other person is feeling used and you can bet they probably wouldn't do it if they did. You not saying something = them thinking you're fine with it.

My favourite phrase - When I've learnt to mind read, I'll let you know.

ska_lover

OP, Your self concept clearly does not match how others close to you see you. There seems to be a chasm between who you like to think you are, and who you actually are - according to those around you.

YOu gotta toughen up - you cant have everyone like you. I know for a fact that there is one person at work who reaaaaaaaaaally doesn't like me, no specific reason - as far as I can see, but honestly, she can bite me, cos i dont care
Hey, if someone hates me for no apparent reason, I make sure I give that f)&5cker a REASON to hate me..

Your friend probably thought you would want to know if you were being talked about, i surely would.

LadyMorticia

OP - You sound like such a lovely person. I am much like you (or I used to be before I became ill. I can't help people as much as I want to anymore) and for the most part people are grateful, but there is always one person who will slag me off (DH's sister). It used to affect me, but now I don't care, because it says more about her as a person than it does me.

Hold your head up high and be proud of the lovely person you are. You're not awful. You're a star.

j.e.j.

Hope you're feeling more upbeat now Tearful girl. There's been some great advice here. It might be good to take a step back and ask yourself why you are helping all these other people so much of the time. Is it to gain their approval, or do you get satisfaction from being able to assist people. It sounds like you need to draw a line between helping and being a doormat. Offer some people your hand, and they'll take the whole arm!

I would also be wary of the person who felt the need to tell you that others are speaking badly of you. What a stirrer!