Time to move on?? I'm scared.....but I have to

MUSTBEFUNNY_2

Hi real sorry to hear of your troubles:grouphug: You might get more practical help about your mort on the mortgage & Endowments board (as opposed to the mortgage free wannabe board). They might have a few mort experts there. Good Luck

pepperjulie

Dear All
I would just like to thank you all so much for your kind words and wisdom. I feel very humbled by this. I am sorry that I have not been visiting this site for a couple of days but my head has been all over the place.
Just to put you all in the picture, I have now found out that another wonderful human being will come to my rescue in the guise of my boss!. I have worked for this man for almost 20 years so as you can imagine he is not just a boss but a good friend. His wife is too.
They have told me that when the time comes and hubby can no longer or will no longer pay the mortgage, they will release me from the building society and give me a mortgage/loan. Terms to be mutually agreed at a cost I would be able to afford.
I know that a lot of you said not to throw savings at the mortgage etc etc. But with this kind gesture I think that I should do what I can to reduce the amount to save the boss from having to give me so much and obviously me having to pay so much back. The interest is obviously less than that a mortgage provider would charge so would be saving on interest. I will keep £2k back for emergency funds and have not told hubby about the boss's kind gesture. (As much as I still love him, I will not allow him to just walk away from his daughter. I do not think he will but I will not give him the opportunity. Plus the fact then my boss is giving him a free get out and after almost 20 years that is not acceptable).
I thank you all once again for your kind words and advice. I have taken it all on board and I am thankfull I met a really nice bunch of people
Julie

Jennifer_Jane

Please follow the good advice posted above and get things legally sorted with your husband paying the mortgage. You may need the help from your boss for something else. The marriage certificate is, ultimately, there to protect parties that split up, and this is exactly the kind of thing that should be covered. Need the solicitor urgently. And just to remember that you are protecting your side for your daughter. Rather get everything sorted now whilst he is still feeling guilty than when he's got used to it - all the above MSE advice is so wise.

And big hugs for you - so sorry to hear that this has happened - you and your daughter must be devastated. You sound a really lovely, lovely person. So keep your head and heart up as much as you can - ((((((hugs)))))

pepperjulie

Just so you all know.My worst fears have been realized and the other woman has finally left her husband. What hurts me the most is that my hubby asked for 2k of our money only to find out he has gone on holiday with "her" to get away from it all!!!!!.
Am I the mad woman or not??????? Boss is worried if he pays my 100k mortgage off that I will be owing him forever and he feels I shouldn't be. I do know where he is coming from and he has kindly paid for me to see his solicitor (who is very good) to get financial advice. How can a woman on her own with a 16 yo daughter (not earning yet) possibly get 100k together in 5 years. I earn 28k per year and get 5K bonus every xmas. You are the experts can u help me?

Jennifer_Jane

So sorry, Pepper, to hear about this, and we can already see that your husband is changing his tune as predicted by the other posters. I cannot give any experience of this to help, but just to say that don't worry about the mortgage being paid off at this point in time. What you need to do is to get the legalities sorted urgently with the solicitor. All that will decide what happens to the house. If the house is put into your name completely and you have £100k mortgage, then you could do what I did and take a really, really long (mine was 40 year, or even indefinite, at age 51!), and interest-only as I was unsure of whether I would be able to afford the monthly amounts if it was shorter and repayment. Am now looking at repaying it in 2 years time! It was £60k which was an awful lot of money at the time). Did interest-only with 10% optional repayment per annum.

Pepper, you will be all right, what a horrible time you are going through, but I think don't worry just at the moment about the mortgage: you will get lots of help and people's experiences when you know a little more. You are a very special person, and obviously your boss thinks so as he is obviously giving you so much support. I would avoid taking a loan from him, I don't think you'll need it, and you will need his support in other ways. Using his solicitor is probably a brilliant move - I would recommend you check whether the solicitor is a family lawyer, rather than corporate, though? Get the solicitor moving with legalising your position as soon as possible. Sorry, but I hope others will come on to the website to give you support. I'm single, so have never been in this situation exactly. ((((((hugs))))

mrs_deadline

Julie, when the people around you start acting crazy, it doesn't make you the mad one! Things are confusing and painful right now but one thing's for sure: you will come through this with your head high, knowing you've done your very best for your family.

Glad you now have access to professional advice, it's the best way to proceed. There will be answers, and you'll probably figure them out for yourself once you get all your options in front of you.

This could be a long haul - try not to pile too much pressure on yourself right now, lean on those great friends of yours. Lots of supportive thoughts coming your way...

firesidemaid

you are a very strong lady and i am so glad you are now seeing a solicitor - as the 'other woman' has left her husband, things may be different.

i don't know how old you are, or what settlement/arrangment you may come to over the house. but you should be able to afford £100k mortgage on your own with bonuses when you need to.

let us know how you are getting on x

jamesd

You have ample income to qualify for a mortgage for 107,000 in your own name and that is what you should plan on doing. A flexible mortgage, not fixed rate, so you can take any payments that your husband makes as "bonus" mortgage payments and overpay with them. But rely on only your own income for paying off the main regular payments.

At 5.49% interest for 10 years that 107,000 mortgage would cost 1,160 a month. Trying it in 5 years would cost 2,043 a month and that is more than your after tax income. Get a flexible mortgage for 15 years and you're only committed to 874 a month but can freely choose to pay more whenever you like. That 874 is a minimum, not a maximum.

Reducing the balance to 102,000 by using 5,000 of savings reduces those figures to 1,106 for 10 years 1,947 for 5 and 833 for 15.

For extra flexibility I suggest getting an interest only mortgage but normally making payments of the higher repayment amount. This way you can drop to the interest only amount of 490 a month if circumstances require it. It's free flexibility and nothing forces you to make only that lower payment - you just get the option to do it if you need to.

You can get cash ISA accounts now that pay 6%, half a percent more than the mortgage you can probably get, so you can pay off the mortgage faster if you don't pay the 5,000 off initially - the higher interest rate on the ISA beats the saving of mortgage interest.

You should expect the solicitor to discuss things like the split of pension planning and that may affect the house value split.

As time goes on you should also be doing your own pension planning to ensure that you will be comfortable in retirement. You do have enough income to arrange that as well as paying off the mortgage, if you set a schedule that isn't too tight.

Don't do anything dramatic like using all of your savings. Security is good but in this case that means arranging a mortgage with a monthly payment that is comfortable for 15 years and also looking after your pension planning. This way you may well never need to accept the kind offer from your employer.

If you find that you have free income after doing the normal spending on that more relaxed schedule, better to stick it in an ISA and accumulate a nice large sum there. The ISA will probably pay more in interest than a competitive mortgage deal and it will give you more freedom than having a house but no savings.

This sort of schedule will mean that you aren't worrying about a too tight money situation all the time and can relax a bit and enjoy the precious remaining time when your daughter is still at home with you. Once she's has moved off on her own you can dedicate yourself to mortgage paying, but for now, please do try to dedicate yourself to enjoying the time with her. The mortgage can wait, her growing up won't.

pepperjulie

James
Your reply and the advice it contains has lifted me so much.
I have an appointment with my boss's solicitor this coming Tuesday. I have inwardly digested all of the advice you and other people have offered so I will be able to go over everything. Having never been in this situation it is all a bit daunting at the moment but I know that I have to do it.
Thanks once again and I will post again once I have been to the solicitors so that you all know how I got on.
Julie x

benbenandme

Julie I was in a similar situation to Cazziebo - my ex was the kindest / nicest man I have ever met and then one day announced he was leaving (ds wasn't quite 2 years old). My world was shattered and despite everything I still don't hate him. He too promised he'd always be there for me and ds etc etc ... but the man I knew, trusted and wanted to spend my life with disintegrated before my eyes and was replaced by a cold distant person none of us recognise.
It has taken me 18 months to get me to a point where I'm genuinely excited about the future again. I am moving house in the next few months and have downsized so I can afford the mortgage alone - I am so proud of how I have managed financially by myself.
It will take a long time to accept what has happened and allow yourself the time to feel hurt and betrayed - this is a new start, maybe an unwanted unexpected one, and things may not be the way you would have hoped, but I hope you can remain as poitive as you sound :grouphug: