Time to move on?? I'm scared.....but I have to

pepperjulie

I have been lurking on this site for a while now just picking up little tips along the way. I never thought I would have to actually use it and ask for you wonderful people's help. I really can't believe I am doing it now. Why?

I have been married for 19 blissful years to the most wonderful husband and father that any woman could have. Not just a husband .... a best friend and soulmate to boot. And now?...........That has gone because last Sunday he told me that he had been having an affair with a woman that he worked with for almost 9 months. I have tried so much to hate him for breaking my heart and shattering my world but I can't. I still love him and can honestly say I probably always will. He is not and I am not a malicious person and we have both said that we want to be friends. My children have been wonderful as have both families.
I cannot expect you to understand my situation because you do not know me or my husband. He knows what he has done is wrong and whatever I say or do to him it is nothing he hasn't already said or done to himself a hundred times over.
The purpose for my visit to this particular board is my mortgage.
We have a mortgage with C&G (was actually a re-mortgage 2 years ago). All told the figure stands at £107,000. We are paying 6% and have 8years and 9months left to go. Hubby has said that he wants me to have the house and he will pay the mortgage for as long as he can and I do believe him. But neither he nor I know what is around the corner so I must do what I can to get the mortgage paid off in double quick time.
I have approx £5,000 that I can throw at it straight the way and have worked out that I can probably over pay by £500 most months. Using a calculator I have worked out that just the regular overpayment will knock off just over 3 years and save me £10k+ in interest. I can't seem to be able to work out how much I will benefit from paying the 5K and the £500 per month overpayment. I have a good job and boss always give me £5k as a Christmas present so I can use that as well. I know there are things in the house that I can sell to raise more money.
Do I keep the mortgage as it is or do I see if I can find a cheaper one. I do not want to extend the term and I do not want extra money to clear debts as I do not have any. (I don't even own a credit card)
I probably have a hundred and one other questions but cannot think of them right now. My head is all over the place but I do need to sort this for my fanancial security.
Thank you for taking the time to listen.
Julie

itsarichmansworld

I dont have any advice as I'm just coming onto this board but I just thought you needed a wee hug. :grouphug:

Stay strong and positive and It'll all work out

Fruitcake

Same, here. hugs and chocolates to you. I don't have any answers but someone will no doubt be along to help you soon.
Maybe you could take your husband's offer to start with, but keep a watch on what is happening. This will give you a breathing space to make longer term plans.
I suggest you talk to your mortgage provider as well so that if the mortgage payments suddenly stop they will know why, and get them to alert You if this happens.
I think you may also need to find out whether the mortgage (existing or new if you change lender) needs to be in your/his/joint names.

I can't think of anything else but I hope it works out for you.

Fruitcake

You Only Listen To Me When I'm Wrong

pepperjulie

Thank you all for your kind messages. They are much appreciated.
Things are still very raw but I do need to get this mortgage paid. I have 2 grown up children with families of their own and I have a 16 year old daughter living at home with me.
I don't even want to go down the divorce route at this moment in time its still too early.
I did wonder about the mortgage being in joint names and if we should get it changed. Perhaps someone who knows more than me could advise on that one.

firesidemaid

from a practical point of view you should talk to your mortgage lender. are you on a fixed-term rate or variable? if fixed, when does the rate end?

you can get a better rate than 6%, but take into account fees etc when remortgaging. also, all changes in paperwork at the mo would need both signatures. you could do the remortgage and take it from both names into yours only.

i know you say you don't want to consult a divorce lawyer, but if your huband says you can have the house i would get him to sign it over to you asap. as other posters as said, you never know what else will change/happen.

from an emotional point of view - i'm really sorry that your life has been turned upside down. i cannot imagine how you must be feeling. whatever you need to say, do or ask, you can on this site and people will be here for you.

take care for now x

cazziebo

Pepper

More big hugs to you.

you are being tremendously brave and big hearted in all this. I know you might not want to cause ructions and you still love your ex, but you have to think about yourself and the long term. I'd agree - get the legal position clarified.

I was given this advice when I was in your position but I didn't take it. Truth be told, I still hoped my husband would come back and everything would be okay. I'd 2 young children, both under 3, no job, no income. He was really sorry, would pay the mortgage, give me enough money so I wouldn't have to work blah blah blah. 6 months later the mortgage wasn't paid and I'd no money at all. We're talking about a good guy here, but we'd just fallen off his priority list as he was setting up home with the girl he worked with.

I can't advise you about what to do re the best things financially (that's why I'm on here so much - just learning!) but think about what's best for you. sort it all out early on, because later is often too late.

Really admire your strength

Much love and hugs

CX

Miss_Penny_Pincher_2

Hi pepperjulie

I'm very sorry to hear about your husband. I like your quote about smiling because of the memory of the good times. From the sounds of things it has probably been a torment for him too and he still cares for you.

From the figures you have given of £107,000 and using a 9 year term (purely because it won't allow me to do months unfortunately) my spreadsheet is saying that your monthly payments are £1,284 per month. Does that sound about right? This would mean paying around £31,738 in interest if interest rate stays at 6% for that time and no overpayments are made.

Paying the £5000 lump sum overpayment next month as well as £500 regular monthly overpayments every month would reduce the term to 5 years and 9 months. Add in the £5000 christmas bonus every December and the term will reduce to 4 years and 8 months. Total interest paid drops to £15,390.

I think I would be able to give more accurate figures if I knew the term your mortgage was set at and amount borrowed when your remortgaged e.g. 10 years, £110,000.

Does your current mortgage allow you to make unlimited overpayments? It may be possible to find a better deal.

Penny x

TrikerAndBiker

PepperJulie

No words of wisdom I'm afraid however I would echo others advise of having the house signed over to you. My ex hubby and I split up in 2000 but didn't divorce until a year later as it was a completely amicable split and we had far more pressing expenses to deal with like his new house! (although in the end we did the divorce ourselves which cost about £250!) We did, however complete a deed of assignment as soon as we separated, this allowed him to move on with his plans and for me to make adjustments to my monthly outgoings to include the mortgage.

Time really is a great healer and although you will probably have a special place in your heart for this man, treat this as a new episode in your life and, eventually you will begin to live it again.

All the very best for the future

Ladybiker

Somersetlad_3

Julie,

I think you have been rightly advised; do not make the mortgage your priority at this time. You need more than 'promises' from your husband; you also need a little time for the 'dust to settle'.

We all wish we could give you a hug of encouragement.

Paul

mrs_deadline

Pepperjulie, what a bombshell, that's very tough on you. I think you are quite amazing to be so strong and loving at a time like this. I do agree with cazzie that as soon as you feel up to it, and before you make any irreversible decisions, a professional advisor would be the best port of call. You need someone who can talk you through the "what ifs" and all the implications for your particular circumstances.

Regarding the mortgage, your last statement should tell you how long your current deal has to run, early repayment penalties for changing it any sooner, etc. Hubby needs to be crystal clear about these figures and dates too. It is not good enough to say he'll help "as long as he can" - he needs to be there for you and your daughter for "as long as you need to rely on him". (He's had a lot longer than you to think about all this... sorry, but it seems incredibly unfair on you).

It strikes me that putting all your savings to paying down the mortgage quickly could leave you in a precarious position if your husband did ever pull out of the arrangement, and at this stage it's way too soon to tell. Extending the term may go against everything you want right now, but if it gives you that peace of mind that you could afford the repayments on one income, it shouldn't be ruled out. Saving thousands in interest isn't much of a priority compared with keeping your home.

It is still VERY early days anyway. All you can do is what you are doing, sit tight and suss out your options. By the time the dust has settled you'll have more of a plan, as far as the finances go, and be ready to start calling the shots (if need be).

Take care, and all credit to you once again for staying so positive!

spuds_2

So sorry to hear of your problems. I think the advice given so far is really sound - don't put any of 'your' money into the mortgage until the house is signed over to you, and really, however amicable things are now, seek professional advice. You don't need to tell anyone in the family you are seeing a solicitor - maybe take a friend. Most importantly, make you and your children the priority now. Best wishes.