Only child

pinkclouds

cottonhead wrote: »

Maybe I get annoyed because I see it as a criticism. I sometimes have a little voice telling me I should give our child a sibling. However I know thats a silly thought - I am an only child and very happy that way. My husband has 3 siblings and they dont get on that well. Both my parents have siblings and hardly see them so there is nothing to say they would be best of pals anyway.

The main advantage of having siblings is: company. Unfortunately, not everyone gets on well with their siblings and your hubby is a case in point! Your child has the undiluted love and resources of both parents. I bet they are very happy and contented. Tbh, I think the happiest kids are often the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc *or* only kids. That's because, unless there is a large age gap, firstborn kids have to adjust to suddenly sharing their parents' time and affection and it can be difficult, especially when they are very young.

Put it another way - if you ever should decide to have another child in the years to come, your kid is already old enough to actually understand about mom having another baby and will be mature enough to cope with the changes. It's all good stuff. Unless your little one is locked up like Rapunzel and is in need of homemade companions, then there is no downside to being an only child. (The only downside to only children, that I can think of, is when their parents die. However, even those with siblings can find that no one else is willing/able to step up and do all the final caring and paperwork.) So I don't think you should listen to criticisms - from internal or external voices.

pinkclouds

cottonhead wrote: »

Hi pinkclouds thanks for your feedback. I dont think I am being defensive, I just find it a little intrusive that people find it OK to comment in the way they do. Its not just asking but pulling a funny face and commenting that its unusual - in a funny tone.

Okay, that's just weird. Anyone who talks to you like that probably has no manners. It's like going on about people who have more than one kid. I suppose I'm guilty of commenting about the large vehicles that some of my acquaintances with long families have but it's really more a joke about my parking skills. (As in: I'd never be able to park that "van", etc.) I've always fancied a large 4x4 but (a) can't justify owning one and (b) really don't think I'd be able to park one. Although my friends kindly assure me I'd be able to, if I had to!

I would say that normal small talk might include asking how many kids you have and whether you plan on having more. But telling you that you're "unusual" or pulling faces is not. If it's more than a nodding acquaintance, I might gently point out that you don't appreciate their comments. If it's a stranger, then I'd shrug it off as sheer rudeness and stop talking to them.

Hermia

I am an only child and very happy to be one. Don't listen to other people. When it comes to kids it seems every one has an opinion.

If you don't want kids you get comments.

If you have one child you get comments.

If you have 'too many' children you get comments.

If you have all boys/girls and aren't desperately trying to have a girl/boy you get comments.

cottonhead

pinkclouds - I like the thing you said about having a child once our little one is older would be good because she will be old enough to understand it more. Most people just think its odd and yes I agree some people are very rude they way they think its OK to comment on other peoples lives.

Hermia - you are so right ! I have a friend who has 4 boys. Everyone assumes the 4th was a last attempt at a girl but it wasnt at all.

pinkclouds

Hermia wrote: »

I am an only child and very happy to be one. Don't listen to other people. When it comes to kids it seems every one has an opinion.

If you don't want kids you get comments.

If you have one child you get comments.

If you have 'too many' children you get comments.

If you have all boys/girls and aren't desperately trying to have a girl/boy you get comments.

^Too true! I get told that I'm lucky to have one of each flavour so I don't need to have any more! It doesn't bother me - I'm happy with what I have and I know it's just a trivial comment.

Little_Leita

I'm an only child and never minded at all. I used to see my friends squabbling with their siblings and feel glad that I was going back to a quiet house....now I listen to my 2 girls squabbling and wish I had a quiet house to go back to!

I also used to get the whole 'when are you trying for a boy' thing? "Err, never! I've got 2 kids and I'm not really bothered what flavour they are thanks." Not a problem these days though...My kids are 14 and 17 and i'm fairly sure my eggs are fried by now !

flutterbyuk25

I guess it's just something similar to the 'so when are you getting married?' question people ask to those in long term relationships, or the one I'm getting right now 'so you are almost 30, any sign of settling down with someone?' It's just a mix of people being nosy and making conversation! Although I will punch anyone who asks me that on my birthday next week :rotfl:

Try not to think it's personal.

nikki702

I have only one 7 yr old girl.. and people are always suggesting I have another and she always asks for a sister.. not a brother just a sister lol

Spendless

Hermia wrote: »

I am an only child and very happy to be one. Don't listen to other people. When it comes to kids it seems every one has an opinion.

If you don't want kids you get comments.

If you have one child you get comments.

If you have 'too many' children you get comments.

If you have all boys/girls and aren't desperately trying to have a girl/boy you get comments.

I think you just get comments regardless. I have a boy and a girl with a 3 year age gap and both to the same Dad whom I'm married to and was still asked by several people if I'd be having any more.

Desperado99

Hermia wrote: »

I am an only child and very happy to be one. Don't listen to other people. When it comes to kids it seems every one has an opinion.

If you don't want kids you get comments.

If you have one child you get comments.

If you have 'too many' children you get comments.

If you have all boys/girls and aren't desperately trying to have a girl/boy you get comments.

Spot on!!!

We only have one child, but we feel we are complete. Even though she is nearly 11, people still ask us if we are having any more, and yet a friend of mine with 4 kids actually got verbal abuse from people the last time she was pregnant.