I think my 3 yr old nephew may be autistic...

Nicki

I don't have a link to the study as it was discussed by a consultant paediatrician at a conference on autism, but it wasn't saying that a child who gets input at 2, would not make progress at age 2 from that input. What it was saying was that at age 8, there would be little difference in outcome between the child who started input at age 2, and the child who started input at age 5/6. Unfortunately progress with autistic children isn't linear, there are limitations in what can be achieved and there are lots of plateaus, and ultimately provided they get a structure in place which works for them, and access to regular speech therapy, the outcome will be what the outcome would have been, whether they started at 2 or 5.

Absinthe_2

Nicki wrote: »

I don't have a link to the study as it was discussed by a consultant paediatrician at a conference on autism, but it wasn't saying that a child who gets input at 2, would not make progress at age 2 from that input. What it was saying was that at age 8, there would be little difference in outcome between the child who started input at age 2, and the child who started input at age 5/6. Unfortunately progress with autistic children isn't linear, there are limitations in what can be achieved and there are lots of plateaus, and ultimately provided they get a structure in place which works for them, and access to regular speech therapy, the outcome will be what the outcome would have been, whether they started at 2 or 5.

It has made a profound impact on my son Nicki, so really do think it depends on the individual child. Research is good, but still not always representative.

BugglyB

Just don't do it.

Sorry to be so blunt but what is the most likely outcome?

How likely is it that they will accept you are right, change their parenting accordingly and then be grateful to you afterwards?

Absinthe_2

BugglyB wrote: »

Just don't do it.

Sorry to be so blunt but what is the most likely outcome?

How likely is it that they will accept you are right, change their parenting accordingly and then be grateful to you afterwards?

She doesn't need to 'do' anything obvious. I would have hated myself, yet saw sense to get my son help.

What I suggested about perhaps paying for them to go to pre-school early, may get an indicator of how things are. Was a struggle, but glad I did for my child.

Nicki

Absinthe wrote: »

She doesn't need to 'do' anything obvious. I would have hated myself, yet saw sense to get my son help.

What I suggested about perhaps paying for them to go to pre-school early, may get an indicator of how things are. Was a struggle, but glad I did for my child.

If that's financially within her reach and something she wants to do for a fairly distant relative, then I agree it would be a lovely thing to do. I'm not sure exactly how the child in question is related to OP. She describes her as a neice but it doesn't seem to be the child of one of her siblings as her mother is not the child's grandmother, so I assume the relationship is not a close blood one.

However, I stand by my view that OP should not be the one to tell a vulnerable younger mother, who may have learning difficulties of her own, that her child has a lifelong debilitating disability, or even to hint at it. That needs to be done by a professional, who can offer advice and support at the same time and also keep an eye on the mum's emotional health in the aftermath of the diagnosis.

Absinthe_2

Nicki wrote: »

If that's financially within her reach and something she wants to do for a fairly distant relative, then I agree it would be a lovely thing to do. I'm not sure exactly how the child in question is related to OP. She describes her as a neice but it doesn't seem to be the child of one of her siblings as her mother is not the child's grandmother, so I assume the relationship is not a close blood one.

However, I stand by my view that OP should not be the one to tell a vulnerable younger mother, who may have learning difficulties of her own, that her child has a lifelong debilitating disability, or even to hint at it. That needs to be done by a professional, who can offer advice and support at the same time and also keep an eye on the mum's emotional health in the aftermath of the diagnosis.

I agree, with the finance, and possible incidental implications, but that young mother seems different from what I experienced, so does need that extra help. So extra funding seems the kindest way.

I hate interference, but then I am me. I know whats what though, and am fortunate to have professional health care providers in my family who I can rely on for support, plus generous extended family support. This young lady sounds like she needs some guidance. Unfortunately for her, her child will have to wait till pre-school then, assuming they spot (as mine did straightaway), unless she does get some 'extra' help.

Please do whatever you can OP, as can make a difference, even if only initially.

daska

Nicki that research sounds fascinating - especially as it goes against everything I've been told by every professional so far!

Ultimately it makes sense, we all have a ceiling beyond which it's difficult or impossible for us to progress, which is why the best in every field really stand out, the rest of us can only dream of being able to do what they can. What's amazing is that it can level out over such a short period.

OP I'm 100% in agreement with Nicki that you shouldn't even hint at your suspicions to his family. Whilst I was never in denial about DS2 having serious problems it took his Granny about a year and his dad 2 years to admit that I was right and there was a lot of anger, upset and bitter arguments along the way.

meritaten

He sounds like my nephew - I said from almost his birth that there was something not quite right and I was sure of it before he was two - its that blank stare isnt it that gives you the clue?

A health visitor may not notice anything wrong unless the parent has picked up on it.

Nursery may well have done so - if not they could just be glad he is a quiet biddable child.

You really cannot do anything hun - except talk to his mother. I would be really low key and first ask if she thinks he is hearing properly as he seems slow to speak/react/answer questions.
offer to go along with her to clinic to see HV or the GP.

It was round about 3 years of age when my nephew started with the tantrums -at the drop of a hat for no apparent reason - it was this which finally alerted SIL and within a year he was diagnosed with severe autism - which I already knew was the case.
I do hope that it IS a hearing difficulty - that can cause developmental delay and make the child appear in a 'world of their own'.

Victoriahl

Thanks everyone for all the input. This is why I wanted to gauge different reactions to this situation- I can totally see Nicki's point of view and I also understand where Absinthe is coming from as well.

It's interesting to hear that it's not always thought that early intervention and extra help is necessarily beneficial- I guess it depends on the child to a degree?

Also I can see the viewpoint that NO advice, be it a gentle remark about his hearing being in question, or a subtle hint about his development, is going to go down well.

To clear things up, it's my brother's daughter (my niece) who has had the little boy, and we're quite a close family so I do see them or at least talk to them quite a bit, and they're quite welll off, so them affording extra help wouldn't be a problem.

Again, thanks for all the input- it's very much appreciated and is definitely very helpful

Victoriahl

daska wrote: »

OP I'm 100% in agreement with Nicki that you shouldn't even hint at your suspicions to his family. Whilst I was never in denial about DS2 having serious problems it took his Granny about a year and his dad 2 years to admit that I was right and there was a lot of anger, upset and bitter arguments along the way.

Yes it's this that I'm afraid of- I really don't want to be the one to bring it up, even though many of us in the family think it. This kind of issue is probably best initiated by the professionals...