Emtionally incompatible

Gloomendoom

aliasojo wrote: »

Edit: Just re-read page 1 and can't see where anyone said this was another poster? *bit confused now but never mind*

Here...........

*max* wrote: »

Also, you may want to change your writing style a little, otherwise there is not much point making up a new name I think.

aliasojo

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Here...........

Ah, thanks. I completely missed that.

poet123

Who is it though?

jayII

To the OP: what you feel you need, i.e. intensely emotional moments, obviously makes your partner uncomfortable, hence the jokes.

It doesn't sound as though he is unaffectionate or cold, as you say he tells you he loves you and you have romantic moments. They just don't reach the level of intensity you'd like.

I'm female and I find that level of intensity very uncomfortable. My husband is more like you and can overwhelm me with affection and romance at times, so it's as much about personality as male/female behaviour. My OH has learnt to tone it down and I've learnt to be more tolerant of his need for romance..we've found a balance that works for us.

Why don't you both compromise? Take his jokes in good humour sometimes and make it clear that you want a romantic moment at other times...have a chat with him and agree that you'll be more tolerant of his 'lightening' of heavy moments, if he'll try to be more romantic sometimes.

You've been together 15 years and this has suddenly become a major problem.... Could it be that you're focussing on this issue when it's actually something else that is worrying or upsetting you? Has something else changed?

aliasojo

poet123 wrote: »

Who is it though?

It wouldn't be fair to comment on that. If the OP is who we think it is, I suspect her reason for having a new ID was so people would reply on a level basis and not be biased due to other issues.

OP I think you've had some good advice here and I hope you feel more settled about it all.

Raksha

addresses wrote: »

Do you mean because I have a husband? I mean I am alone in the feelings, in wanting to feel and hear,caress and have some tenderness and time one to one, just us from time to time and am left feeling completely alone,

Sorry, didn't make myself clear. You're not alone in being in a relationship and feeling like this. We've been together 16 years, have two teenage sons, and occasionally I can see glimmers of the man I fell in love with all those years ago, but mostly he's doing his own thing.

poet123

aliasojo wrote: »

It wouldn't be fair to comment on that. If the OP is who we think it is, I suspect her reason for having a new ID was so people would reply on a level basis and not be biased due to other issues.

OP I think you've had some good advice here and I hope you feel more settled about it all.

I know, I didn't really expect a response, I am intrigued though!!

Lunar_Eclipse

addresses wrote: »

Jokes and laughter and fun have their place, belly laughing, rolling about having cracked a joke is great and happens but it has it place and lying in bed on a one to one hoping for some intamacy and one to one is not the place and wrong in timing.

I understand what you are saying, but some people (me) prefer lighter intimacy than serious intimacy. In our bedroom, a joke/laughing (usually instigated by me actually) would usually lead on to intimacy.

I would try not to let it stop everything. It's not necessarily a brick wall going up, unless he's told you that. Have you asked him about it? I've often said 'oh the moment's gone now' and usually, since he's always up for physical intimacy, DH will do whatever it took to bring it back and recoup the moment.

I'd suggest pushing through next time until it works, unless you've tried this already several times and it hasn't worked.

Lunar_Eclipse

Dunroamin wrote: »

the best place to laugh is in bed.:)

I agree.

We have most of our laughing, crying and generally intimate moments in bed. I think laughing and fooling around together can be very intimate.

busiscoming2

Any wrote: »

I am the sort of person who without regular cuddles and silliness would no longer be married. Fortunately my OH doesn't mind, I generally just say "right, move away from the table (when he is sitting on the chair), I am going to have big squeeze cuddle now". I also touch his hair etc. I love being tickled, just softly running hands over my skin and having hair messed with etc.. for men this does not come naturaly. And he hates tickling. For him bless is having his back scratched. But I usually start all this, and over time he now thinks there is something wrong if I did not ask for my big cuddle. He is a man - he usually shows love by grabing my bum when I am cooking or something (not the right time for me, trust me).

I think we are married to the same man!