Emtionally incompatible

babymoo

Have you sat this man down and really told him how you feel? What was the joke and what was the argument about afterwards?

Peater

I don't understand how this has only come to a head after 15yrs....

This is surely the sort of thing you'd get sorted out in year one?

Intamicy is obviously very different things to different people. I for one couldn't bear it if it had to be a super serious 'you mean so much to me bleurgh bleurgh bleurgh, i have never loved someone so much as i do right here in this moment bleurgh bleurgh' as you seem to want. Someone summed it up prefectly - 'cringy'.

If you think about it, you should be respecting his interpretation of intimacy as much as you are demanding him to respect yours.

System

Totally disagree - the best place to laugh is in bed.:)

I agree but not at the expense of the other persons feelings.

the_cat

I think you need to have some more concrete suggestions as to the sort of thing which would make you feel more loved and valued. Tbh I have no clue from what you have written what it is you want to change. If your discussions with him are in the same tone, I'd wager a large sum that he has no clue either!

poet123

Judi wrote: »

I agree but not at the expense of the other persons feelings.

I think that being able to laugh in bed denotes quite a high degree of intimacy. Obviously, if the other person doesn't share the same wavelength then you have a problem, but that problem is not just in the bedroom, that is a deeper issue.

butterfly72

margaretclare wrote: »

I watched a film recently on BBC TV in the 'Wonderland' series about a couple who'd been married 40 years who went on a cruise. I felt so sorry for the woman. She evidently didn't get any of those tender moments. It doesn't matter how many years you've been married. It's still there!

I saw this. He obviously felt guilty about leaving her behind all the time and so bought her a vase and took her coffee and pastries in bed. Such a small show of affection but she was thrilled!!

mishkanorman

I think the only way round it is to become a lesbian, im seriously considering it this week

Dave101t

why tell us about this? show him this thread and tell him to be nicer.
im often brash and inconsiderate, but ever since she told me, im slowly getting much better.
now we have matching dressing gowns and cuddly toys. i kid ye not.

londonsurrey

P.S. I'm suggesting counselling not so that he "gets with the programme". There could be any number of things preventing him from doing what you're suggesting. There is nothing there to indicate whether it's because he doesn't care, or is totally cringing at having to say mushy stuff, or even has no idea what mushy stuff is exactly. He might even need to be given a script, to be coached.

the_cat

mishkanorman wrote: »

I think the only way round it is to become a lesbian, im seriously considering it this week

That wouldn't help you!:D Not all women are like that

My friend's husband does the whole romantic gestures thing, even sends her poetry :eek:. Eurgh! If my husband did that I would find it weird and a complete turn off. I doubt I'm the only one!