ARGH so annoyed with the mother!

lisajane8482

I have never turned up as an evening guest expecting to be fed, I always have something to eat even if it is only a small salad so that should there be no food I do not get stupidly drunk or go hungry. I also only take a gift for the reason that I want to wish them well and no other reason.

You should do what you want to do. Personally if it was me I would compromise with my mum but that’s me not you. You should do what you think is right. The only thing I would advise is that you put on the evening invitations that there will be no savoury buffet (but more eloquently).

We are having a finger buffet on the evening and are only catering for 2/3 of the guests on the basis that:

1. The day guests will have eaten (substantially) 2-3 hours before hand (we are catering for all of the day guests)
2. most of the people who are evening guests don’t tend to eat much (I know this because I have been to several weddings/christenings where they have been, they don't let eating get in the way of drinking:rotfl:).
3. There will most likely be food left from the fork buffet which will be used for the evening (I’m not on about the food that has been put out for people to put their fingers all over, I’m on about the stuff that will still be in the fridge since they don’t put everything out in one go).

My mum originally thought that I should possibly look at catering for more but after sitting down with her and explaining the time table for the day, the guests numbers and the conversation I had with the wedding co-ordinator, who suggested we would cater for 50-70% in the evening, she saw my point of view. Sit down and talk to your mum calmly, explain your worries etc and see if you can’t come to some sort of agreement/compromise.

mildred1978 wrote: »

Just be aware that the venue probably won't provide plates etc for 100% of the guests if you're only paying for food for 75%.

Mine do, they suggest that you don't cater for everyone as food just gets wasted. They ask how many guests you will have on the evening and then suggest a %age to cater for depending on the timing of your day meal etc.

sugarwalsh

Just a thought - can you do something like cheese and biscuits? My friends did that and along with the wedding cake it fed us all. Even though you will have eaten before don't forget you will all have been on the go and drinking for a much longer time than you normally would. You and your guests will probably be very grateful of something to nibble on a) to keep a little sober and b) to stop you flagging. Also many, many brides barely touch any food all day and the evening buffet is the time they are relaxed enough to finally eat. You may find you really appreciate something a little more substantial than sweets.
I keep trying to find solutions for you because I can not help but feel you are digging your heels in a little about this. I understand your financial concerns and I think you should talk to your mum about that, (I do also think a sweetie buffet will be expensive) but I do think there is wisdom in the tradition of offering food. Please try and consider it from your guests point of view - who shouldn't expect a buffet but tradition and convention suggests there should be one - and try to provide something for them.

RainbowDrops

Dekazer wrote: »

People expect things not because they think they deserve them, but because it's convention.

You've hit the nail on the head there!

mildred1978

It's amazing to me that women will happily spend £1k+ on a dress that they will wear for one day, but begrudge a few hundred quid to feed their guests!

sugarwalsh

Who, Mildred?

mildred1978

sugarwalsh wrote: »

Who, Mildred?

Nobody in particular! Just a general observation!

sugarwalsh

I can't see anyone who is doing it! My general observation is most brides are bending over backwards to make sure their guests will have a wonderful time. Expensive dress or not.

Olokia

mildred1978 wrote: »

It's amazing to me that women will happily spend £1k+ on a dress that they will wear for one day, but begrudge a few hundred quid to feed their guests!

Well I spent £484 on my dress and £2700 on their food and drink (plus cost of crisps £10ish).

I don't think my budget will stretch another £370 (3/4 the cost of my dress) to give them more food when I've already spent £2700 on them.

74jax

mildred1978 wrote: »

It's amazing to me that women will happily spend £1k+ on a dress that they will wear for one day, but begrudge a few hundred quid to feed their guests!

I don't think anyone is 'begruding' anything.

I'm another where my food/entertainment for guest's is above and beyond the value of my dress. However I can honestly say I've never ever looked at what a bride is paying for a meal for me against the cost of her dress. That's just weird.

So if you went somewhere where the food was 'nibbles' you'd think 'hang on, you can spend 1k on your dress though'???? bizzare.

whitewing

Everyone always says about a dress being just for a day, but the photos themselves last a lifetime or beyond. I spent a lot on my dress, and I have never regretted it, nor do I expect to use the dress again, nor am I particularly planning on selling it. As I am overweight, I also have no intention of ever letting my daughter get to a point that she could actually wear it either. We did a buffet!