ARGH so annoyed with the mother!

sugarwalsh

Mrs Shaw to be - you clearly don't want a buffet - I personally think that is a mistake - but regardless of what I think about that I would suggest you find a real reason for refusing your mothers generous offer. There is no reason why you can;t have both and unfortunately at the moment you sound like a child stomping her feet. If your mum is digging her heels in as much then you could be in for a long argument.
Why not think rationally about the effects having a buffet or not having one will be and come up with a real reason so our Mum can understand a bit more? I know you have said you are worried about her financial situation, but that is for her to worry about, not you.
Yes, it is your and your OH's day, but you have to consider others too.

mummyroysof3

it wouldnt bother me as a evening only guest what you had as i would eat at tea time anyway but are you only having all day guests and what time is the meal?

SUESMITH_2

personally i would have a buffet. sweeties don't cut it for me and they don't go with wine and beer. yes, you could say your guests shouldn't drink that much, but most people like to have a few drinks.

i know you are eating later but even so. and as for it being a new thing to have a buffet, well where i come from (Lancashire) its not.

it means a lot to your mum so let her do it, one small thing for her daughter who she obviously loves a lot and wants to do the best for.

MrsShawToBe

mummyroysof3: our meal is at 6, and the night do starts straight after at 8.

sugarwalsh: i know i sound like a child stomping her feet, and im trying not to, i'm just really annoyed at my mum over this. its more the fact that she is demanding what SHE wants, rather than what we want. i know her financial situation isn't my business, but i can't help but not want her to get into debt.
i know we have to consider others, but the people who are coming to the night, more than likely won't even touch the buffet, they are our friends who will probably just be drinking and having a good time, not fussing over crisps.

mildred1978: i think you are bang out of order, i see you've deleted your post but someone quoted it so i can see. where did i say i expect anything?! putting words in my mouth or what?! how am i being out of order to my mother? should i bow down and let her organize every little thing?! if my daughter didnt want a buffet for her wedding then i would just say 'fair enough, but be it on your head if your guests go hungry or complain'.
i really couldn't care less if people are going to be saying that for 'years to come'. sounds like the sort of thing you would do, but for the majority of people, they wont even remember what food there was in a years time!

madvixen: i know its probably her way of contributing, but ive told her she doesn't need to, i know she cares.



opinions are obviously divided on this, but the sweetie buffet is our way of trying to compromise on this. i think its the money and knowing we can do a sweetie buffet and have more, make it look better, for less.

i.e. we could spend £40 on 10 portions of nuts and nibbles, or £40 on sweets and choccies, and have way more.

Also, that is the very cheapest. I asked about chicken and chips... £11 per head! times that by 100 guests, thats over £1000

sugarwalsh

Ok - so ask them to provide for 75% of your guests. no one does an evening buffet for everyone for the reasons you have stated.

Just let things calm down a little and try and consider things from a more onjective point of view. Seriously, if my Mum wanted to pay for the evening buffet I would be dancing for joy! You need to talk to her and tell her you feel like she is pushing you into it, but avoid getting wound up.

This is supposed to be fun....

mildred1978

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

mildred1978: i think you are bang out of order, i see you've deleted your post but someone quoted it so i can see. where did i say i expect anything?! putting words in my mouth or what?! how am i being out of order to my mother? should i bow down and let her organize every little thing?! if my daughter didnt want a buffet for her wedding then i would just say 'fair enough, but be it on your head if your guests go hungry or complain'.
i really couldn't care less if people are going to be saying that for 'years to come'. sounds like the sort of thing you would do, but for the majority of people, they wont even remember what food there was in a years time!

I haven't deleted a thing! And I stand by what I said. Youre right that i dimt remember other buffets, other than they were there. People WILL remember you not feeding them.

mildred1978

sugarwalsh wrote: »

Ok - so ask them to provide for 75% of your guests. no one does an evening buffet for everyone for the reasons you have stated.

.

Just be aware that the venue probably won't provide plates etc for 100% of the guests if you're only paying for food for 75%.

sugarwalsh

I know, but it is unlikely everyone will eat. Or turn up. And I don't mind sharing a plate with OH if they are running low!!

I once went to a wedding where the day do ran into the night do. They paid for about 150 people to eat but around 200 did. It was so funny - everyone was using each others plates and they only had 100 seats working on the assumption people would get up once they had eaten! IT was chaos but utterly fantastic all the same.

MrsShawToBe

I will try speak to my mum calmly about it. I'm just worried that we will book the buffet, and then mum not be able to afford it, and us have to find the money

aliasojo

Can I ask why it has to be one or the other?

If there is a buffet (that you don't need to pay for or even go near), why does that matter so much to you that it shouldn't be there? You can still do your own sweet thing and that way you are catering for all guests.

I'm just not understanding why it's a prob? As a guest, I wouldn't like sweet things that late and after booze but I'd appreciate a sausage roll or a sandwich.

Do you think maybe you've got too hung up on this to be able to view it clearly now?


Edit: Your post above may have answered my question.