ARGH so annoyed with the mother!

floss2

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

...I just don't want her spending money she doesn't have, thats how she got into debt in the first place. Yes its only for one day, yes its 'only' £400, but its £400 that doesn't HAVE to be spent!

Dekazer wrote: »

... If it's only the money that's stopping you, perhaps your Mum could help a little?

TBH I think that is part of the OP's problem.

9ja4life

Dekazer wrote: »

I think it is expected that there will be some food to mop up the booze. Personally, I think a few nuts would be too little, and sweets don't really go all that well with alcohol. (Sorry, just being realistic).

This we are not having an evening buffet as the wedding breakfast finishes very late but we are having alcohol which is much stronger than the ones brewed in the UK. So to mop it up, we are having the wedding cake put out as well as cookies and cupcakes with a sweet bar.

Only because I don't want anyone throwing up all across the dance floor drinking on an empty stomach. Some people also have a high metabolism and would be ready for food 3 to 4 hours after a main meal. Throw in energetic dancing and that's calories burning!

You could as others have suggested compromise to make you both happy x

Em88

We aren't having a buffet after the wedding breakfast but we have no separate evening guests and our meal isn't until 7 pm so think people will be ok. We are having our wedding cake later though and a sweetie buffet plus a large cheese board so there will be stuff for people to pick on. As long as guests know whether or not to eat before I don't think it matters if you do or don't have a buffet. Its your wedding have what you want

MrsShawToBe

Dekazer wrote: »

I think it is expected that there will be some food to mop up the booze. Personally, I think a few nuts would be too little, and sweets don't really go all that well with alcohol. (Sorry, just being realistic). In all the years, and probably 30 weddings I've attended, by far the majority have put on a decent spread for the evening. I've had everything from chip butties to haggis, neeps and tatties, to more traditional sausage rolls and cheese+pineapple on sticks.

It's not my problem if people over-do it with the alcohol though. On a regular night out, do you expect clubs to have buffets to soak the alcohol up? No, if people don't want to get too drunk, then theres soft drinks.

People shouldn't expect anything, like I said.

MrsShawToBe

trinity_enigma wrote: »

This is why we are paying for the wedding ourselves- it is so much hassle having to worry about what everybody else wants when in reality it doesn't really matter. I say stick to your guns and have what you want.

This is the thing though, we won our wedding so no one is paying for the majority. Mum's bought my shoes and veil, and we have paid for pretty much everything else, but she's trying to MAKE us have a buffet with the excuse of her paying.

mildred1978

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

It's not my problem if people over-do it with the alcohol though. On a regular night out, do you expect clubs to have buffets to soak the alcohol up? No, if people don't want to get too drunk, then theres soft drinks.

People shouldn't expect anything, like I said.

And neither should you. If I was invited to an evening reception I would expect a buffet (a food one, not !!!!py sweets). I'd bring you a gift, based partly on the fact that you'd forked out to feed me and mine. If you're not prepared to feed the people that will spend money attending, don't expect anything by way of gifts.

Sweets are NOT an appropriate replacement for food. Many people can't eat them anyway, and most above the age of 6 wouldn't consider them a meal.

I think you are being out of order both towards your guests and your mother.

whitewing

I have never been to any kind of cross-generational party where there hasn't been at least a food buffet. I wouldn't mind there being a sweetie buffet, as long as we knew in advance that was the deal so we could have some savoury before we went. I know the older people in our extended family would think it very odd not to have a food buffet, and it would be talked about for the wrong reasons (they wouldn't be nasty, but it would be commented on).

mildred1978

I've been married almost 8 years and have attended many many weddings.

One memorable evening do had a buffet in an area that was so dark you couldn't see it. People had to wait to get to their tables to find out what they had! Not great for veggies etc and utterly hilarious on the night.

Do you really want people saying "nice party, shame they scrimped on the buffet" for YEARS to come?

madvixen

mildred1978 wrote: »

I think you are being out of order both towards your guests and your mother.

I'm sorry hun but I think that's a little harsh. At the end of a day, a Wedding is about 2 people and the start of their future together. Gifts are given as just that, gifts. They shouldn't be given as some sort of exchange for food and drink. No one is obliged to give one and the OP shouldn't feel obliged to feed the evening guests if it is not what her and her fiance want to do.

OP, maybe your Mum feels a bit useless as she can't give you your dream wedding and this is her way of a) having an imput and b) contributing. Is there no way you can compromise with her? Maybe she could pay for cookies (more in keeping with your sweeties) rather than nuts?

Torry_Quine

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

It's not my problem if people over-do it with the alcohol though. On a regular night out, do you expect clubs to have buffets to soak the alcohol up? No, if people don't want to get too drunk, then theres soft drinks.

People shouldn't expect anything, like I said.

I totally agree with you here. We actually had an alcohol free bar at our wedding although some went through to the other bar and brought a drink back with them.

mildred1978 wrote: »

And neither should you. If I was invited to an evening reception I would expect a buffet (a food one, not !!!!py sweets). I'd bring you a gift, based partly on the fact that you'd forked out to feed me and mine. If you're not prepared to feed the people that will spend money attending, don't expect anything by way of gifts.

Sweets are NOT an appropriate replacement for food. Many people can't eat them anyway, and most above the age of 6 wouldn't consider them a meal.

I think you are being out of order both towards your guests and your mother.

I bring a gift because I want to not because I'm being fed. I do agree though that sweets are usually as well as not instead of a buffet. As long as I knew though it wouldn't be a problem.

whitewing wrote: »

I have never been to any kind of cross-generational party where there hasn't been at least a food buffet. I wouldn't mind there being a sweetie buffet, as long as we knew in advance that was the deal so we could have some savoury before we went. I know the older people in our extended family would think it very odd not to have a food buffet, and it would be talked about for the wrong reasons (they wouldn't be nasty, but it would be commented on).

This is true, is it really worth the hassle when your mother is willing to pay.