ARGH so annoyed with the mother!

Brighton_belle

I'm a little confused...can I clarify, when your mum talks about a buffet, are you meaning just bowls of nuts, you are not meaning sandwiches and sausage rolls and quiche etc...just nuts?

mildred1978

Brighton_belle wrote: »

I'm a little confused...can I clarify, when your mum talks about a buffet, are you meaning just bowls of nuts, you are not meaning sandwiches and sausage rolls and quiche etc...just nuts?

I think there are different options, the cheapest being nuts and nibbles (rather than a full on buffet). OP doesn't want anything but sugar, her mother wants to provide something food-based, even if its just nuts and nibbles.

MrsShawToBe

Thats for that sarcastic respone mildred. If you actually read what I have said a few times before, we don't want a buffet AT ALL, however we thought taking a sweet buffet (because we can do it cheaper and have more things) would be a good comprimise.

I probably won't even touch either type of buffet! I'll be too full from the meal and be dancing and drinking the night away!

The reasoning for taking a sweet buffet is because we're allowed to do it ourselves, so can do it cheaper! If they allowed us to take our own buffet, I would be more than happy to take sandwiches, crisps, sausage rolls etc, but I just can't justify the insane prices they are charging for food!

mildred1978

MrsShawToBe wrote: »

Thats for that sarcastic respone mildred. If you actually read what I have said a few times before, we don't want a buffet AT ALL, however we thought taking a sweet buffet (because we can do it cheaper and have more things) would be a good comprimise.

I probably won't even touch either type of buffet! I'll be too full from the meal and be dancing and drinking the night away!

The reasoning for taking a sweet buffet is because we're allowed to do it ourselves, so can do it cheaper! If they allowed us to take our own buffet, I would be more than happy to take sandwiches, crisps, sausage rolls etc, but I just can't justify the insane prices they are charging for food!

What sarcastic response??? I haven't been sarcastic!!!

As I have said before, sweets are not a valid replacement for food. If you don't want a buffet, don't have one at all. Just make sure your evening guests know to eat before they come.

toffifee

Just wanted to send my sympathies to the OP. My mum and MIL-to-be were jointly paying for my wedding (MIL has no daughters) so I had interference from two directions. The months leading up to my wedding are equal first in the most stressful I've ever had.

My mum was convinced if we didn't have a disco her side of the family would leave straight after the meal. (Of course they didn't - they were soon too sozzled to notice either way). She even asked me if I was sure we couldn't have one just after we'd finished eating.. I think she someone in a van outside ready to leap in if I change my mind. :rotfl::rotfl: I can laugh now but at the time it wasn't funny.

I agree with other posters who think it's usual to have some food provided in the evening. We ate at 5pm (including fish course requested by MIL) and the buffet (both mothers insisted) at 8pm was about half-eaten by the same set of people (no evening-only guests) but then both sides of the family are not ones to turn their noses up at a free feed, even if they're not really hungry.

But I don't think it really matters as long at the invitations make it clear what will (or will not) be provided in the way of food.

Olokia

mildred1978 wrote: »

And neither should you. If I was invited to an evening reception I would expect a buffet (a food one, not !!!!py sweets). I'd bring you a gift, based partly on the fact that you'd forked out to feed me and mine. If you're not prepared to feed the people that will spend money attending, don't expect anything by way of gifts.

Sweets are NOT an appropriate replacement for food. Many people can't eat them anyway, and most above the age of 6 wouldn't consider them a meal.

I think you are being out of order both towards your guests and your mother.

You would expect a buffet ! :eek: How rude!

I think that this post is completely out of order. If I knew that you only brought a gift because you were expecting to be paid back in food, then you wouldn't be invited any more. You bring a gift to celebrate the marriage not in exchange for food!

If the OP wants sweets then I don't see any reason why not. I think it would be rude for evening guests to come to a wedding expecting to be fed. If I was invited for the evening, then I would eat something light beforehand so if there was food, then I could still enjoy it and if there wasn't, then I wouldn't be hungry.

Before we decided that there wasn't going to be any evening guests, MIL insisted that there was no need to put an evening buffet as it would be a waste of money as people have already eaten. I said that I would want something in the evening, as people might get hungry. I'm going to provide a variety of crisps and some more wedding cake. (MIL still insisting it isn't necessary but crisps are cheap). The cheapest evening buffet choice at my venue was £10 a head for 2 bacon rolls each which I think is too expensive seeing as I just paid £50 a head for 3 course meal, alcohol and cake.

jemb

Mrs Shaw I really think you should speak to your Mum. I know you said in your other post she was p!"£££ed at you for putting photos up etc of your dress, do you think she may go on or get someone you know to have a look on here? I know my Mum would be really hurt and upset if I asked a load of strangers opinions before hers.
Perhaps offer to go half? Let's be fair, you've won your wedding which is fab. Alot of people have to worry alot more on where to find their money to cover things for (no I'm not getting my violin out for me as we're fine) but some folk are really shoestringing it up! Perhaps ask the hotel if there is movement in the price? Most things when the 'W' word is mentioned goes up. Most things when i've spoken to people and haggled have come down. Perhaps ask about the pricing at the hotel? Tell them your problem there and see if they are willing to help?

Also, the sweet buffet thing wont cost you £40, believe me, I was of that opinion, but by the time you've sorted it, it's a) a nice addition, but not a substitute and b) bloody expensive! lol

Good luck with getting a resolution xxx

ps, just looked at Olokia's post, have you a cake? Serve that perhaps?

mildred1978

Olokia wrote: »

You would expect a buffet ! :eek: How rude!

You obviously haven't noticed that the British culture (and others around the world) traditionally celebrate with food. If you invite someone to celebrate with you your marriage, birth of a child etc it is polite to feed them.

Olokia wrote: »

I think that this post is completely out of order. If I knew that you only brought a gift because you were expecting to be paid back in food, then you wouldn't be invited any more. You bring a gift to celebrate the marriage not in exchange for food!

Interestingly you quoted my post without reading it. I said partly, not only, and yes, I stand by that. Given that it will inevitably cost your guests to get to your wedding/evening function, not to mention clothes, drinks from the bar and so on, I think it's extremely rude not to offer them anything to eat. As a rule of thumb I spend at least £50 on a gift where I'm an evening guest, and £100 if I'm there all day. So is it too much to expect something to eat in the evening?

Olokia wrote: »

If the OP wants sweets then I don't see any reason why not.

Mars bar and a curlywurly for dinner at your house tonight then?

Olokia wrote: »

I think it would be rude for evening guests to come to a wedding expecting to be fed. If I was invited for the evening, then I would eat something light beforehand so if there was food, then I could still enjoy it and if there wasn't, then I wouldn't be hungry.

Have you ever been to a wedding?

Okay, here's another example. Children's parties tend to take place in the afternoon, between 2 and 5pm. That's not normal eating time for most people, but food would still be provided.

Olokia wrote: »

Before we decided that there wasn't going to be any evening guests, MIL insisted that there was no need to put an evening buffet as it would be a waste of money as people have already eaten. I said that I would want something in the evening, as people might get hungry. I'm going to provide a variety of crisps and some more wedding cake. (MIL still insisting it isn't necessary but crisps are cheap). The cheapest evening buffet choice at my venue was £10 a head for 2 bacon rolls each which I think is too expensive seeing as I just paid £50 a head for 3 course meal, alcohol and cake.

£50 a head isn't expensive when you include cake and booze! Don't forget the venue have to pay people to cook the bacon rolls, serve them and clear up after you. If you think they should just charge the cost of the bread and bacon then you're not really being fair!

johannalf88

I agree with Olokia- I don't bring a gift even to partly cover my cost of being there!! I bring a gift because I enjoy giving things, and want to wish people well.

And as for the cost towards your guests- its not compulsory that you go!! For starters people don't need new outfits each time, they want them, and if its costing them already why would you add a gift on top of that. Maybe the OP should let everyone know that there will be no evening buffet, so nobody needs bring presents?! That will save everyone the money!

I wouldn't expect to be fed- UNLESS the reception was at a restaurant etc, in which case I probably would expect food tbh. I think as long a you state on invites or something - like drinks an dancing, it would be fine.

Dekazer

People expect things not because they think they deserve them, but because it's convention. I would expect food at a wedding reception because it's the norm.

I don't expect food at a nightclub because I've very seldom seen it, apart from the odd BBQ in summer. Having spent a time in other countries where it is the norm to have food when alcohol is served, I think it's a VERY sensible idea.

If I were you, and had decided not to serve food, I would make very sure that the guests knew that and could eat beforehand. Otherwise, like it or lump it, people will end up hungry and possibly more drunk than you would like. If I was invited to a wedding reception, and told in advance there would be no food, I'd make sure I ate well beforehand. The one time I turned up and there was no food, everyone was shocked and many left early to get food.

Either way, hope you get it sorted soon and can get back to enjoying the planning