ARGH so annoyed with the mother!

sweetilemon

Ellie i wasnt having a go at what you said, sorry. I've never been to a wedding without a buffet of sandwiches etc but each to their own, just dont think people should feel they have to do things to please everyone else at their wedding. Having said that, i would prob do the same ellie and nip to the local tesco if i was hungry!

MrsShawToBe

I think its half being protective over my mum. I know they struggle with money, and we did win most of our wedding, and she wants to feel like she's contributed, but I am a full on money saver, and I look at the 2 options of really petty nuts and nibbles for £3.95 a head which even at 75% of guests its still almost £400, or like I said, a full on sweetie buffet which would more than likely look BETTER than the one the venue would provide on very basic savory.

We didn't want one at all to begin with because of the money. Because we won the wedding, we had no savings, and the prize had to be taken this year, so its taken us to super save since november to pay the fee's etc for the church and things (as well as having just moved into our first house in September..) and I want to keep costs minimal.

I honestly thought when I got the email through saying we could take our own sweetie buffet that would be a good comprimise! Apparently not

I just don't want her spending money she doesn't have, thats how she got into debt in the first place. Yes its only for one day, yes its 'only' £400, but its £400 that doesn't HAVE to be spent!

74jax

sweetilemon wrote: »

If people havent eaten then they are welcome to nibble on nuts.

But the op doesn't want her mum to buy the nuts. I don't think a guest would turn up with a bag of nuts 'just incase.

I'm another guest who doesn't expect a buffet as the norm. We are having a hot buffet at 8pm and this is on the invites so that guests know not to eat before hand and day guests know there's not a meal after the ceremony.

If you don't want the nuts and nibbles then it doesn't matter, you don't have them.

I don't want flowers and my MOH has offered to buy her, the BM and my flowers. Which is very generous of her, but doesn't alter the fact I don't want them.

scrumpy78

If she feels so strongly about this then it might just be easier for everyone to let her have what she wants. At the end of the day u are marrying the man u love, and all that matters is u two and the marriage. U will be so happy on the day/evening u prob won't even care or notice that the guests are tucking into hot dogs or candy canes. Have ur sweet buffet, let ur mum have her way, breathe deeply, smile and concentrate on other things. But if u did go with the no buffet option, I would def tell the evening guests on the invitation as people prob wont eat before. our wedding breakfat is a buffet, so I am putting something on the invite so people aren't expecting a full on 3 course meal

sugarwalsh

One of the hardest lessons we have to learn as we grow up is that our parents are also adults. You are saying no because you want to stop her getting into debt, but in reality her financial errors are not for you to worry about. I'm not saying 'take, take, take' but just accept it graciously and don't let your own stubbornness get in the way. She wants to contribute and an evening buffet is her way of doing it. Let her. Don't let a few nuts become an issue. Besides, all that fretting will give you frown lines!

Brightside

i can sympathise in a way OP, my mum also wants to contribute in some way but has very little money and even less time.

I normally eat before going to a wedding evening do anyway, as i'm not keen on a lot of the normal buffet foods, but I know a lot of people who go expecting to be fed. I would say let your mum have her way on this to keep the peace and concentrate on having a good day.

trinity_enigma

This is why we are paying for the wedding ourselves- it is so much hassle having to worry about what everybody else wants when in reality it doesn't really matter. I say stick to your guns and have what you want.

We had friends who didn't have an evening buffet and on their evening invitations people were invited for drinks and dancing. People knew where thy stood then.

Dekazer

I was once an evening only guest at a wedding that had no buffet. They hadn't warned us on the invite, so me and my two pals didn't eat dinner.

It turned out there was no food, only some chocolate cake (1 slice each). Everyone got mortal drunk and left early - we went to the local chippy. I look back now and think we should have driven further first - the poor bride would have been mortified if she'd driven past and seen us.

I think it is expected that there will be some food to mop up the booze. Personally, I think a few nuts would be too little, and sweets don't really go all that well with alcohol. (Sorry, just being realistic). In all the years, and probably 30 weddings I've attended, by far the majority have put on a decent spread for the evening. I've had everything from chip butties to haggis, neeps and tatties, to more traditional sausage rolls and cheese+pineapple on sticks.

It doesn't seem like too much of a comprmise to let your Mum organise a buffet. It's possible she may suggest something even worse later on, so if you compromise on this, you'll have the moral high ground and will be better placed to refuse something else later!

If it's only the money that's stopping you, perhaps your Mum could help a little?

valerie57

I think that if you tell people in advance what to expect doing a sweetie buffet is fine. People will eat before they get to you. I agree with other posters that
you ought to tell them as most people would expect a buffet these days. I do not think it is right that your Mum imposes what she wants on your wedding day even if she is paying. It is your wedding and you should have what you want. My Mum interfered over my wedding and it meant it was not the day I wanted. I should have been stronger and stopped her. Hang in there and get the day you want.

jemb

Saying that though, our sweetie buffet by the time we've finished will be nearly £300! AND it's not ott or anything, just 1 tree, 8 glass jars and sweets, bags and a sign