ARGH so annoyed with the mother!

MrsShawToBe

She will NOT shut up about a bloody buffet! I'm meaning nuts and nibbles.

Our venue charges £3.95 for the cheapest option which is nuts etc, which to me, is petty and expencive.

We have asked if we are OK to do our own sweetie buffet (as we aren't allowed to take 'proper' food to provide) and they have said yes that's fine.

So I asked my mum and she's had a complete hissy fit saying we ARE having a 'food' buffet as well as/instead of a sweetie buffet.

I told her 'its OUR wedding and WE want a sweetie buffet, not a food one as we don't see the point in paying so much, and would much rather nibble on sweets on the day!

Our sit down meal is at 6, so we are eating lateish anyway, so thats 40 of our guests that will have eaten a 3 course meal and won't want to be eating much more!

Mum says that people 'come to a wedding and expect food' and I was like, people shouldnt EXPECT anything! She said 'I'm paying for it, not you!' but thats not the point!!! We don't want one! We want the sweetie one!

She's forced a buffet in general on the wedding, we didn't want one at all. Me and OH decided this and she went and tried to convince him behind my back! And him being soft agreed!


Its unreal how annoyed I am about this. She is being totally selfish. Her reasons are 'people will look at' her and think shes cheap if we don't have a buffet!

The majority of night guests are just our friends who would probably prefer sweeties too!


I just wish she would put aside her feelings, and just let us have what WE want

Hollie84

Hugs
if you are eating so late then i can understand why u dont want one but do u have guests that arnt at the meal arriving for the evening? i know if it was me i would have a buffet aswell as a sweetie one.
we eat early afternoon and buffet is around 8.30,the sweet buffet which im also doing will be opened around 9.30 so be like having a pudding.

I know when ive been to evening wedding celebrations ive not eaten as they usually always have a buffet,i cant say ive ever been to one when they havent.
you do what YOU want to do,its your day

MrsShawToBe

I know most weddings have them, but my point is that we will be eating late, and if people are stupid enough to not eat at tea time for themselves and just assume that we will feed them at the evening reception, then thats not my problem!

We have said upfront that we do NOT want a buffet, but my mum won't back down and keeps saying that shes paying for it so we're having one! Thats like me turning up at someone elses wedding and paying for something to be there, even if the couple don't want it!

Oh my days, I am fuming.

I like putting my own stamp on things, and having the freedom to go shopping and buy the sweets we want and make the table look lovely etc would make me so happy, but she's insists on a bloody food buffet!!!!
>:(

sugarwalsh

I know it is irritating but if she is paying let her. You could do it for say 75% of your guests so it should all get eaten.

What are your reasons for not wanting one other than you prefer sweets? If it is just because your mum wants one and you resent her forcing you to then I would just let her do it.

Is it really worth getting stressed about - ie is it going to ruin your day? Or is it something which could enhance the evening for those who are just coming along at night?

sugarwalsh

Ps - why can't you have your sweetie buffet too?

74jax

I would put on the evening invites:

Evening reception to commence at 7.30pm. Disco and dancing till Midnight. Sweeti Buffet will be provided at 9pm.

That way everyone knows what's what.

elliebobs

This is obviously another area where peoples opinions vary greatly.

Personally I've never attended a wedding as an evening only guest and there hasn't been a 'food' buffet and would find it a bit odd that one wasn't on offer.

If you're dead set on not having one then make it clear on the invites so that people can have a bite to eat beforehand.

If however, you're not having evening only guests then I don't see a problem as I agree that eating a 3 course meal late on in the day and then having an additional buffet to plough through may be too much, although I've been surprised at the level of food some people can get through, particularly after a days drinking!

The fact that your mother is paying does cloud the issue somewhat as it does, in their mind, give them some clout as to how the proceedings should follow.

We deliberately refused all offers of payment for this reason!

Sorry if it's not the answer you wanted to hear and it's only my opinion;you know your guests better than us.

Dasa

elliebobs wrote: »

This is obviously another area where peoples opinions vary greatly.

Personally I've never attended a wedding as an evening only guest and there hasn't been a 'food' buffet and would find it a bit odd that one wasn't on offer.

If you're dead set on not having one then make it clear on the invites so that people can have a bite to eat beforehand.

If however, you're not having evening only guests then I don't see a problem as I agree that eating a 3 course meal late on in the day and then having an additional buffet to plough through may be too much, although I've been surprised at the level of food some people can get through, particularly after a days drinking!

The fact that your mother is paying does cloud the issue somewhat as it does, in their mind, give them some clout as to how the proceedings should follow.

We deliberately refused all offers of payment for this reason!

Sorry if it's not the answer you wanted to hear and it's only my opinion;you know your guests better than us.

You have summed it up.

sweetilemon

I feel so bad for you. I agree, its not about the money, if you want nibbles and sweeties on your day then you shouldnt feel pressured otherwise. I dont think its necessary to put it on the invites, its not like your not providing food. If people havent eaten then they are welcome to nibble on nuts. People keep saying its your day have what you want but then contradict that by saying you must do xyz. Despite my username ive not got a sweet tooth and would prefere a savoury buffet so thats what im having at MY wedding but if i was at someone elses wedding i would accept what they have chosen for their day!

Torry_Quine

I must admit I've never been to an evening reception that didn't have a buffet usually about 10pm as a break half way through. However it's your wedding although if she's paying then it does make sense that she has some input. I would say that you make it clear on invitations though that there isn't going to be food.

elliebobs

sweetilemon wrote: »

I feel so bad for you. I agree, its not about the money, if you want nibbles and sweeties on your day then you shouldnt feel pressured otherwise. I dont think its necessary to put it on the invites, its not like your not providing food. If people havent eaten then they are welcome to nibble on nuts. People keep saying its your day have what you want but then contradict that by saying you must do xyz. Despite my username ive not got a sweet tooth and would prefere a savoury buffet so thats what im having at MY wedding but if i was at someone elses wedding i would accept what they have chosen for their day!

I think the issue is that people's expectations have risen to the extent that when going as an evening guest a 'food' buffet is now seen as the norm.


Weddings nowadays are no longer a small affair with a handful of sandwiches; I've attended castles, stately homes, lighthouses etc and they've been all singing all dancing affairs with fireworks, chocolate fountains and sweetie tables so if after all that, someone couldn't stretch to a couple of vol au vents then it could be seen as a bit odd, although I certainly wouldn't complain about it (although I may sneak out to the nearest supermarket for a quick sausage roll if I was peckish)

That said, it is the OP's wedding; the wording suggestion was just that. It's entirely up to her to decide how she wants her day to be.