Domestic abuse......

conradmum

isitme? wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply. At the minute I feel very alone, and your replies have helped me see there are some lovely caring people out there.

Thankfully I'm in a position where I'm safe in my own home with my children.

There has been some fantastic advice given. I've heard of the freedom programme, which I may look into some more. My confidence and self esteem are at a huge low, and I can't help but think there are more important people out there, who are more deserving of support. I 'know' this is nonsense, but am fighting against myself at the minute. I get the odd moment of ' I don't deserve this' but then it's taken over by the more dominating thoughts of how rubbish I am, and I'm a fraud if I seek help. Does that make sense?

The police have been involved this time around, and have made a referral to the domestic violence support team.

If you didn't already have low self-esteem when you got together with this man, you have now. You are not a fraud and you are not rubbish, but thinking that way will keep you in the relationship. If you don't do something about this for yourself, do something for your children. You want to give them the best possible role model of adult relationships that you can I'm sure, and you don't want them to witness violence and abuse.

Ich_2

I 'know' this is nonsense, but am fighting against myself at the minute. I get the odd moment of ' I don't deserve this' but then it's taken over by the more dominating thoughts of how rubbish I am, and I'm a fraud if I seek help. Does that make sense?

Thankfully I'm in a position where I'm safe in my own home with my children.

So something positive to do so you can sit back & think "I did this for my children and myself"

If he has keys, get the locks changed, see if an injunction to keep him away from your children and yourself is worth obtaining (Police domestic violence unit may help)
He must not be your priority to care about or worry about his welfare, you know what is though.
So what if you end up without an OH, it is not the end of the world, there are plenty of singles and one parent families out there that manage very well.

belfastgirl23

The thing is I can sort of understand someone as a one off snapping and doing something they instantly regret. And in this context I do think that a one off act of violence is possible that might be completely out of character otherwise.

Far more worrying is the fact that months down the line he is saying it's your fault. That means he has learned nothing from it and that at base he is refusing to accept that his behaviour was completely out of line.

I agree with the others, get out before he gets worse!

shebangs

..........

pearl123

OP - You've got children. It really does sound like your OH is bad, bad news.
Dump him before something terrible happens. It alway does with the violent types.

VitaK

If this dosent light a fire underneath your feets i dont know what will. You have kids and they need to be protected from him.

Valli

isitme? wrote: »

Is it ever possible for a woman to drive a man ( or vice versa ) to physically assault her? Can a person really behave in a way that causes someone to harm them?

No that's a man out of control who doesn't respond appropriately, or maturely, to situations.

Please leave him.

oh good...

Valli

isitme? wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply. At the minute I feel very alone, and your replies have helped me see there are some lovely caring people out there.

Thankfully I'm in a position where I'm safe in my own home with my children.

There has been some fantastic advice given. I've heard of the freedom programme, which I may look into some more. My confidence and self esteem are at a huge low, and I can't help but think there are more important people out there, who are more deserving of support. I 'know' this is nonsense, but am fighting against myself at the minute. I get the odd moment of ' I don't deserve this' but then it's taken over by the more dominating thoughts of how rubbish I am, and I'm a fraud if I seek help. Does that make sense?

The police have been involved this time around, and have made a referral to the domestic violence support team.

You don't know how much your post, that you are safe with your children will mean to th eposters on here. You are at the bottom of a pit - so just remember there is a way out and that way is up. Keep posting if you want; the support you will get on here is brilliant. You are worth it and you will come to realsie that one day.

ruby-roo_2

isitme? wrote: »

My confidence and self esteem are at a huge low, and I can't help but think there are more important people out there, who are more deserving of support. I 'know' this is nonsense, but am fighting against myself at the minute. I get the odd moment of ' I don't deserve this' but then it's taken over by the more dominating thoughts of how rubbish I am, and I'm a fraud if I seek help. Does that make sense?

Your lack of belief in your right to deserve support is a natural reaction to the abuse you have suffered. Abuse is one of the most debilitating experiences a person can go through.

Try looking at it like this OP. Your children deserve to have a mummy who is happy and contented with her life, who does not suffer flashbacks and panic attacks, who is not torn apart by horrific memories of abuse that have not been adressed.

Seek the help you quite rightly deserve, so that you can be the person you want to be, whilst you watch your beautiful children growing up

victory

isitme? wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply. At the minute I feel very alone, and your replies have helped me see there are some lovely caring people out there.

Thankfully I'm in a position where I'm safe in my own home with my children.

There has been some fantastic advice given. I've heard of the freedom programme, which I may look into some more. My confidence and self esteem are at a huge low, and I can't help but think there are more important people out there, who are more deserving of support. I 'know' this is nonsense, but am fighting against myself at the minute. I get the odd moment of ' I don't deserve this' but then it's taken over by the more dominating thoughts of how rubbish I am, and I'm a fraud if I seek help. Does that make sense?

The police have been involved this time around, and have made a referral to the domestic violence support team.

Take tiny baby steps if you have to but take steps in the right direction, keep up with the domestic violence support team they are there to help you, let them, get all the help you can.

Ask yourself if this was your kids in this situation or your best friend you know you would be advising them to go and get help and get out.