Domestic abuse......

isitme?

I'm a regular Mse'r but would like to remain anonomous for this post.

Is it ever possible for a woman to drive a man ( or vice versa ) to physically assault her? Can a person really behave in a way that causes someone to harm them?

6 months ago my partner physically assaulted me, so much so that I required hospital treatment, and am still undergoing physio now. I didn't report it at the time, as I believed it was a one off, and truly believe everybody is worthy of a second chance.

Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago, and his temper has come to light again, but this time not aimed at me. For legal reasons I can't disclose any further information on this, but I've recently discovered he's told professionals it was my behaviour that drove him to to injuring me ( we were having cross words at the time, however nothing too serious ( in my eyes) ).

I'm all over the place at the minute. Doubting if it was my behaviour, asking myself if it was my fault, did I cause it?

If anyone has any experience in this (unfortunate) field I would appreciate any advice.

4nnabella

You can't control what someone else does, you can only control how you react. What I mean is, your partner should be able to control how he reacts to what you do (or say). Therefore he is the one at fault. Making the victim feel guilty for 'having brought it on themselves' is a classic tactic of an abuser. Don't let him get into your head like that.

McKneff

You are not at fault here, never never never.

Not being in control of his anger is his fault and his problem. He should sort it.
Part of his problem is blaming you and until he sees that he is to blame he will still keep lashing out.

I grew up in an agressive environment, Monday to Friday was fine, it was as soon as the drink started on Friday to Saturday night.
Sunday to Thursday, no problem.

Today, I have been married tomy husband for 44 years and if he had ever even raised his hand to even look as if he was going to
strike me, I would be gone. I cant understand how a person can profess to love you one day and then hit yu, it is just beyond my comprehension.

He wont change, believe me,

Blackpool_Saver

That's a classic if ever I heard it, textbook denial .

*max*

No. What caused him to become violent is his violent personality.

There is no excuse for putting someone in hospital as a result of an argument. NONE. And the victim certainly isn't to blame.

You need to get out of this way of thinking right now because you are very near to excusing his behaviour. If he is showing signs of violence again now, leave and don't go back.

You got out of the hospital last time. The next time you might not.

LisaB85

I've been in the position where I have been so wound up by people (an ex) that I could have murdered him but as it was said above you can't change/control how others act you can only control your own behavior.

So although he may have been frustrated he should have been able to control himself and channel that frustration else where not towards you. Eg he should have gone for a walk to let you both calm down etc.

It wasn't your fault.

Ich_2

He wont change, believe me,

Similar to what I said to a friend last night whose partner had thrown a carving knife at her. (I've got a photo of it as it broke)
He went to bed afterwards, got a message this morning he had gone to work and probably forgotten about it!)
This smacks of alcohol as well (which another friend had in a relationship)

One thing I was musing on is if people attracted certain types or are attracted to certain types' The first one mentioned seems to be on her third alcoholic/abusive relationship.

As I said last night contact the local police domestic violence unit and talk to them, get yourself an escape plan but NEVER think the abuser will get any better and cease the abuse.

In_a_quandary_2

I'm just out of a 20+ year abusive relationship. Mine wasn't physical, but I'm currently on the freedom programme, and every week hear tales of violence and the excuses given for them.
He's using an excuse from the abusers handbook. Please get in touch with a local DV charity, and see about getting yourself some help, so that you too see the truth behind his behaviour.
You can't provoke something that's not there.

ognum

I read and was not going to reply but I have come back to say one thing.

Leave, leave and get out of the relationship before you are seriously hurt.

Do not believe he loves you because he doesn't or he would not do this.

It is not your fault, but you do need to take control and move out of this relationship, to many people have not and have lived to regret it.

System

He physically abused you by putting you in hospital and mentally abused you by convincing you it was your fault.

ILoveChocolate

Domestic abuse, there is NO excuse. You are not to blame. speak to your GP or phone one of the domestic abuse helplines for advice you were assulated so much you had to go to hospital! Hugs.